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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

if I don't go to my friend's wedding?

34 replies

hatesponge · 09/04/2009 00:07

Have known this friend for several years, met through work. She is lovely, has been through lots of hard times and am really pleased that she is finally getting married (she and DH to be have had a few ups and downs over the years)

BUT.........

I'm not sure about going to her wedding, which is in 3 months time. It is going to be all couples (& I mean all, she has already told me there are almost no single people going..other that is than me and a couple of ladies in their 50's who are family friends), I wont know anyone there other than her and her DH, and the wedding is being held in the middle of nowhere & I dont drive. Getting there and back will be a nightmare.

I should add that its a child free wedding, but my DCS are with their dad that weekend, so that at least is not an issue.

I hoped I might not be single, and in truth (& I know how pathetic this must sound) if i wasnt, I would go - assuming I could overcome the transport problem - but on my own the prospect is not appealing.

However she is a good friend, she means a lot to me, and I would love to be there on the day to celebrate with her.

so AIBU if I dont go??

OP posts:
Original poster
hatesponge · 09/04/2009 00:09

...I hoped I might not be single by now....hopefully that makes more sense

OP posts:
cat64 · 09/04/2009 00:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mylifemykids · 09/04/2009 08:15

I agree with cat, ask her if you can take a friend

milkysallgone · 09/04/2009 08:19

I think YABU if you don't go. The taking a friend is a very good idea - could you run it past her?

Callisto · 09/04/2009 08:20

Take a male escort.

mum2herberts · 09/04/2009 08:26

What is wrong with single women who were born in the 1950s?

StealthPolarBear · 09/04/2009 08:39

I think the main problem is they are family friends and so will know loads of people. OP is a friend from work so will presumably feel a bit of an outsider.
Definitely ask to take a friend.

kitsmummy · 09/04/2009 08:52

No way, you can't ask to take a friend - that's the height of rudeness to ask to bring a friend to someone's wedding! Either be brave and go on your own, or don't go.

mumto2andnomore · 09/04/2009 08:54

I dont think its rude to ask to take a friend,Im sure they would ask your boyfriend if you had one whats the difference ? A true friend would want you to be happy on the day.

Nekabu · 09/04/2009 09:04

I don't think it's rude to ask if you can bring a friend either and your friend may already be expecting you to come with one. If couples are invited then I don't see that it being a couple of friends instead of a romantic couple makes any difference. Last time one of my single friends went to a wedding where she wouldn't have known anyone else she had a +1 on her invite and went with a friend.

piscesmoon · 09/04/2009 09:05

You can't ask to take a friend!
Male or female-they won't know the couple. I would go if she is a good friend. I go to things on my own sometimes and it is quite good-it forces you to talk to people you don't know.

piscesmoon · 09/04/2009 09:06

Lots of opportunities will pass you by in life if you won't go without a friend!

MrsMagooo · 09/04/2009 09:07

I don't think it's rude to ask a bring a friend. One of my friends asked if she could bring her boyfriend to our wedding (at the time of sending out invites they weren't together) it wasn't a problem as 2 people were unable to make it so we just shuffled the tables round a bit.

I think it would be a shame for you not to go but I do understand why you'd rather not.

Quite like Callistos idea ever seen 'The Wedding Date'

brettgirl2 · 09/04/2009 09:12

I would go on my own.

BUT I would ask her for advice with the transport because there must be someone who can give you a lift. Then you won't be turning up alone anyway.

YABU to not go.

piscesmoon · 09/04/2009 09:13

It is alright as long as you phrase it so that she can say 'No'without embarrassment, numbers might be tight. I still think that adults should be able to go to things on their own.

onadietcokebreak · 09/04/2009 09:17

I would go on my own and agree with Brettgirl about transport.

Not everyone in a couple is going to spend all the time with their partner.

See it as widening your social circle...who knows what single men those couples know!

sayithowitis · 09/04/2009 09:22

I think you are entitled to ask if you can take a friend, as long as you understand if she says no and don't make her feel like she is being emotionally blackmailed! FWIW, when we got married, one of our friends asked if he could bring someone as company for himself and we were very happy for him to do so, after all, we wanted him there and we knew we would not be able to be with him exclusively. Though it was a mutual friend, he did not know anyone else we had invited. Guess what? he brought his mum! It was lovely as she had known us for many years, almost as a surrogate gran ( she was a lot older than our parents) and we really should have invited her in her own right but somehow we forgot.

Anyway, ask your friend. The worst she can do is to say no! Hope it goes well!

georgimama · 09/04/2009 09:23

Are you being unreasonable? No.

Are you being daft? Yes.

How many other things do you not go to because you think "it will be all couples?" You can't live your life this way.

HeadFairy · 09/04/2009 09:24

Will there be a hen do or something similar that you can get to know some of the other people there? I've been to a wedding where I knew just one person (the best man) and I was terrified, but actually it was good fun. People are generally in a good mood and having fun so they're much more likely to chat to someone new.

tinierclanger · 09/04/2009 09:28

YANBU, but, if you can sort out the transport I would definitely go. You will probably enjoy it a lot more than you expect.

Having said that, we're getting married next year and I will definitely be adding a 'plus one' for any single people (including my mum!). I think it's hard to turn up at an event where you don't know anyone.

I think you should explain to your friend that you have transport problems and also that you feel a bit shy about it. She may solve both problems for you by then suggesting you bring someone, or at least sort out a lift for you.

mum2herberts · 09/04/2009 09:46

Agree with georgimama. You can't live your life this way. Use those single women in their 50s as example and get out there!

Nancy66 · 09/04/2009 10:00

I think there are some pretty harsh replies on here.

I really don't think the poster is concerned about there being some kind of social stigma attached to being single - she's worried about not knowing a soul and being like a spare part all night!

I can't see how it's unreasonable in any way to ask if you can take a friend. There will be lots of couples where the bride will only know one half and not the spouse.

I'm not single now but I was for fecking yeeeearrrrs before that and it's horrible being the only one and I'm a confident, sociable person.

If it's not feasible for you to go with a friend then tell the bride about your concerns and ask if she can seat you next to some nice people. Is there a hen do? That might give you the opportunity to meet some of her friends.

Don't not go though - weddings are great places to pull!

dingledangle · 09/04/2009 10:03

YANBU if you do not feel comfortable going on your own. The suggestions of taking a friend is a good one. I have attended a wedding like this and there were all the single folk put on one table!!!

Most people have been in this situation so I would agree with the post about lots of opportunities passing you by if you are wanting to always be part of a couple.

Take the decision that you feel happiest with. It is your life....

georgimama · 09/04/2009 10:04

The OP did specifically say that she had hoped to have found a boyfriend by now, and that if she weren't single she would definitely go, so I think it is entirely reasonable to assume that she does see some social stigma in being single.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 09/04/2009 10:06

YABU. Even if you were part of a cuople, it is reasonable to assume you might be there alone due to other commitments, it really does not matter. She will be disappointed.