if I don't go to my friend's wedding?

[hatesponge]

Have known this friend for several years, met through work. She is lovely, has been through lots of hard times and am really pleased that she is finally getting married (she and DH to be have had a few ups and downs over the years)

BUT.........

I'm not sure about going to her wedding, which is in 3 months time. It is going to be all couples (& I mean all, she has already told me there are almost no single people going..other that is than me and a couple of ladies in their 50's who are family friends), I wont know anyone there other than her and her DH, and the wedding is being held in the middle of nowhere & I dont drive. Getting there and back will be a nightmare.

I should add that its a child free wedding, but my DCS are with their dad that weekend, so that at least is not an issue.

I hoped I might not be single, and in truth (& I know how pathetic this must sound) if i wasnt, I would go - assuming I could overcome the transport problem - but on my own the prospect is not appealing.

However she is a good friend, she means a lot to me, and I would love to be there on the day to celebrate with her.

so AIBU if I dont go??

Another idea - is there anybody else travelling from your neck of the woods that the couple can put you in touch with? That way you can meet up and go together and share petrol costs.

That would solve transport concerns and you wouldn't be walking in alone.

kitsmummy - I think it's the height of rudenss to ask a single person to a wedding and not to say it's ok to bring a fried. Why should they go alone just because they don't have a partner? No-one is expected to go on their own without their wife/husband, for example

OP - please do try to go, but do ask if you can bring a friend. I had a small wedding and when my friend said she might not come I was very upset (and I had said she could bring a friend!)

I had exactly the same situation a few years back - invited to close friends wedding on my own, know hardly anyone there, wedding in middle of Lowerbumblefuck.

It never actually occured to me to ask if I could take a friend with me - I assumed that if places/money had permitted, she would have made it clear on the invite.

I thought about it for a long time and decided that I had to go because whilst it would be hard for me (I'm not overly confident etc) it was her day and she would notice if I wasn't there. Trying to explain to her that I didn't want to go because I'd be on my own would not have been easy - she may well have sympathised BUT she would've expected me to try harder and make more an effort for one day/her big day.

So, I chose a lovely outfit (made me feel confident/good), asked my sister to drop me off at the church and then deliberately chose to sit next to two other girlies. I smiled ALOT (probably looked like a fruit loop) and we all got chatting ie how do you know the bride/groom type thing and I relaxed.

The reception was also in the middle of no where but I had booked a taxi back home so wasn't too worried. Again, people were lovely. Even though people were in couples, some of the girlies there did make an effort to chat to me - whether to simply get a break from their OH's or because they've been in a similar situation to me and sympathised I don't know but I was very grateful.

So, I do know how you feel and I would go. It might be hard for you but I think that your friend will appreciate it.

You could consider trying to get a lift there with other guests but I would definitely book a taxi home(as against trying to share with another guest).

It might be expensive but you can leave when you want to rather than having to wait for someone else wo may well have drunk alot, not want to leave when you do etc.

Anyway good luck

I hate it when there is no "plus one" on invitations! So rude to assume that the person hasnt got someone they would like to accompany them! I still get invitations to just me and been with DP for 11 years!
If you dont feel comfortable going alone explain this to her and gauge her response, she maybe didnt think that you would feel uncomfortable, stress you would like to share her day and maybe if she cant accomodate another person she could arrange for you to meet a few other guests a few weeks in advance so you would at least have met them beforehand.
Good excuse for a meet up anyways!

I don't know how any of you get your DCs to go anywhere on their own if you can't cope with it yourselves. Mine would have missed out on things that especially interested them if they had to have a friend accompanying them. Brokenflipflop has the right idea.

gosh, so many replies, thank you all....have been rather late getting back to this due to temperamental broadband connection! (hopefully now resolved failing which the people at Virgin can expect another irate call...)

anyway I do like the friend suggestion, albeit I'm not entirely sure whether any of my other friends would go but thats a different problem- I havent actually had the invitation yet (the bride contacted me a while ago to ask me to save the date, and sent me an email with some preliminary details in, venue, accomodation etc)- at the time I was (sort of) with someone so its possible the invitation when i receive it may actually say plus one in any event. i suppose i was just thinking rather literally that even if it did i would have to go on my own as i am a singleton, the friend thing honestly didnt occur to me.

I know I probably do sound rather pathetic but the reality is I've been single for most of my life - I was well into my 20's before I had anything that could be described as a serious relationship - i therefore have already spent many years going to weddings, parties etc when single- the difference in those cases was that I knew others there (even if they were couples) or at least knew there were a few other singles, which isnt the case here. And by and large I was also on what I think of as home territory, so could always leave early & get a cab home if it was truly awful....which in reality it never was.

The travel issue is probably the one thats worrying me the most - what I didnt make clear was that as well as being in the back of beyond, wedding is also about 80 miles from where I live( this isnt intentionally AIBU by stealth....I thought I'd explained it was miles from me, as well as miles from anywhere else) ...so I will have to stay overnight. My mind is spinning with the fact if I do go, travel arrangements will potentially be hell ie train to nearest town, taxi to hotel, taxi hotel to church, somehow get from church to venue (possibly beg a lift if anyone there will speak to me) then taxi venue to hotel, and so on....

I probably will end up going, but just wanted to see if it would be really bad of me not to. Am fed up of always being on my own - or feeling I am - and just end up thinking if I had a man who could drive it was all just be so much easier & less hassle irony is of course that in the 8 years I was with my ex, I used to hate going anywhere with him, and rarely did.

most invites are generally for two - whether your dp or dh or a friend

when we had our reception i had several friends who were either single or were prob going to be dumped or dump their oh, so on invites i just put xxx +1 on them

sure your work friend will understand that you dont want to come alone - it is a long way and if you dont know anyone it is scarey

sure you can find a friend/relative/work collegue/someone from gym/on mn to go with you

Weddings are such sociable occasions I am sure going alone won't be such a problem once you get there.

Can you ask your friend (the bride) if she can put you in touch with someone driving between church and reception so all you have to do is get yourself to the church, and then from the venue to your hotel. There may even be people staying at the same hotel who can run you back after the reception.

It would be such a shame not to go, you should think of the positives - sharing your friend's special day with her, getting a free feed, the chance to meet new people and the opportunity to spend a night in a hotel without children! (I love hotels!)