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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think our Health Vistor shouldn't comment on my appearance?

50 replies

AmIWhatAndWhy · 08/04/2009 17:46

I was in tears after she left, I couldn't believe it.

She commented that DS has lovely teeth, then later when DD grinned at her she said "Oh her teeth are gorgeous too, do they get that from their dad?"

I have awful teeth, bad genes, bad dentistry when I was younger and it's a constant reason for me to be self conscious. The HV is our dedicated special needs health visitor for DS and I'm gutted she could be so insensitive.

OP posts:
Claire2009 · 08/04/2009 17:47

Yanbu. I'd be annoyed too.

compo · 08/04/2009 17:48

foot in mouth alert!

DarrellRivers · 08/04/2009 17:49

Wierd though, to congratulate someone on their teeth
My dad is a dentist so I am well used to commenting on someone's veneers of an evening whilst watching television.
But wierd of the HV, and yes, rude for you.

Sorrento · 08/04/2009 17:49

Complain, if nobody knows about this sort of thing then nothing is done and the next persons she's rude too could be even more upset than you are, please make a quick phone call.

steviesgirl · 08/04/2009 17:51

Some people have no tact, regardless of whether they are HV's or not. I know it's hard but try not to let it get you down. How hurtful of her. Nasty cow.

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 08/04/2009 17:52

I'm torn between thinking she said it without thinking and maybe she just has crap 'bedside manner'. Either way I'm gutted. I'd love to get my teeth sorted but as a SAHM with a DP on a good, but not brilliant wage I can barely afford even basic dentistry (but that's a whole other story...)

OP posts:
Cailleachna · 08/04/2009 17:58

I reckon she said it totally without thinking and kicked herself all the way back to the clinic. Have you seen her since? How about having a quiet word with her next time she comes round; just a casual mention that you were a bit hurt by her "teeth" comment - she might just blush and apologise profusely! If she has a shitty attitude about it, that's the time to start making complaints.

MadamDeathstare · 08/04/2009 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 08/04/2009 18:05

Even if it was an offhand comment, it still confirms to me what I'm sure most people think but don't say. I'm so self concious about it I hate talking sometimes.

OP posts:
brimfull · 08/04/2009 18:12

It's a shame she was so tactless.

I wouldn't complain .People are too ready to complain these days .

Is there no way you can have some treatment on your teeth to help your self esteem?

ChippingIn · 08/04/2009 18:15

AmIWhatAndWhy

Sorry she was soooo incredibly thoughtless and has made you feel terrible. It's very hard when there is something you feel very self conscious about, that only money will fix, and you don't have enough to get it done.

Have you asked any of your friends what they honestly think? Maybe no-one else really notices that your teeth aren't perfect, maybe they just see a normal mouth and in the HV's case rather than thinking yours were 'bad', just saw that DS's were amazing and assumed Dad had an amazing set as well...

Sorry, I haven't put that very well... but I hope you get what I mean.

ellingwoman · 08/04/2009 18:21

Yes. I bet she's annoyed with herself.

Complaining -

Is it worth getting a quote for your teeth - don't you get free treatment at the moment?
SIL had lots of crowns and work done about £1000 all free. What about going via your GP?

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 08/04/2009 18:23

My teeth are properly awful, all intact, no fillings, but just massively overcrowded, I have fangs and a couple of my bottom teeth are 'turned'. They are far from white too.

I have even considered taking out a loan to get a brace but we just can't afford it. It annoys me that boob jobs can be done on the NHS but dentistry isn't.

OP posts:
PullMyFinger · 08/04/2009 18:29

erm boob jobs are done on nhs for medical reasons

ellingwoman · 08/04/2009 18:30

Sorry - I mis-read. Thought the HV was coming because you'd just had a baby

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 08/04/2009 18:34

I need teeth out for medical reasons, I can't close my mouth properly because of my odd teeth, I get jaw pain when I eat, is that not good reason?

OP posts:
ellingwoman · 08/04/2009 18:35

Excuse my ignorance - why can't that be done on the NHS via your GP?

PullMyFinger · 08/04/2009 18:36

Well yes of course get that investigated but don't have go at other users of the NHS

CrushWithEyeliner · 08/04/2009 18:36

Boob jobs are not done on NHS for cosmetic reasons this is a myth

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 08/04/2009 18:37

It will, at massive cost to me.

I'm not asking for whitening/veneers etc just teeth that don't make me feel ashamed to smile. If I was taking benefit's I'd get this for free.

OP posts:
PullMyFinger · 08/04/2009 18:38

Oho let's have a go at people on benefits too shall we? What about immigrants too, eh?

CrushWithEyeliner · 08/04/2009 18:39

Women who are eligable for NHS breast augmentation are usually for reconstruction purposes and have to wait. This is totally valid.

ellingwoman · 08/04/2009 18:39

Hang on - the op's not feeling too good, don't make it worse

Original poster
AmIWhatAndWhy · 08/04/2009 18:40

Oh fantastic, you want to start a row. After I said I'd been in tears and feel self concious DAILY.

This reminds me why I haven't posted on mumsnet for a while.

OP posts:
PullMyFinger · 08/04/2009 18:41

^ up ere love ^