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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bit irresponsible, poss even neglectful?

52 replies

Wigglesworth · 08/04/2009 11:47

I go to a baby and toddler group with DS for a couple of hours in the afternoon once a week. There is a lady who takes her DGC who are 3 and 10 months. The other day she said the youngest had been sick that morning at his other nanas house (the other nana has them in the morning and this lady has them in the afternoons). He has a bottle of formula whilst at this group, Nana heated up the bottle and said "I've only put half the powder in just in case", I was , I didn't think you were supposed to do that.
He also 90% of the time poos in his nappy about 1/2 hour after arriving and she NEVER changes him, despite other people saying "oh he's smelly, I think he's had a poo". Bearing in mind he spends another hour and a half at the group and she has to travel back home, does anyone else think that is just awful?
I know, I know it's none of my business but I feel sorry for the little boy, he is so lovely and it makes me feel a bit . AIBU?

OP posts:

Sorrento · 08/04/2009 11:52

Everyone's standards are different, it's not our place to comment beyond oh dear he's smelly, what she then does about it I guess is her business.
Do you know the mother ? the only thing you could "do" is tell her but they usually shoot the messenger out of embarrassment.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 08/04/2009 11:54

It is a bit tricky: does she pay the children attention otherwise ie cuddle them, talk to them, speak affectionately to them? Or does she appear to regard them as little pests? WRT the poo thing she may simply not have extra nappies with her.

lilacclaire · 08/04/2009 11:57

I don't think there's anything wrong with putting half the formula in if he's been sick, so yabu.

But with regards to the nappy, yanbu.

littleducks · 08/04/2009 12:01

i thought that you werent supposed to dilute formula but my friend used to do just that, i asked her about it and she said that she had been told to do so by her gp if her baby was had d and v to prevent dehydration,

Original poster

Wigglesworth · 08/04/2009 12:03

I don't know the mother. It's hard to say about the attention thing cos everyones standards are different. She does moan about them though how she doesn't get to sit down when she's picked them up and that their other nana gets a break cos she doesn't work (this lady works in the mornings), but I think she is just making conversation TBH.
I think she may just be a bit lazy tired to change him.

OP posts:

lilacclaire · 08/04/2009 12:07

Maybe say after 5 mins of the poo, oh don't you have a spare nappy, have one of mine?

JemL · 08/04/2009 12:10

Putting in half the quantity of formula is normal and after sickness and diarrhea.

Re: the nappy thing - does she actually look and see if he has pooed? The number of times I have opened up DS's nappy after a unpleasant smell to find an empty nappy are countless! Yes, good old wind...! He must be very uncomfortable if he has actually pooed though...

Maybe next time someone says they think he has pooed and she doesn't do anything, offer her some wipes or something - or talk "through" him, "I think you'd better ask Nana to change your nappy!" I have heard people say similar things at groups when dc's are playing and the mummy / carer hasn't noticed / is on the other side of the room etc, so it isn't too obvious.

everGreensleeves · 08/04/2009 12:11

Could whoever runs the group have a word and say that they can't have children running around with poo in their nappies for over an hour? It's unpleasant for everyone else, but also it's likely to cause soreness/infections for the child.

katiestar · 08/04/2009 12:14

Milky things aren't really a good idea for anyone who has a tummy bug (except breast milk -not really sure why) but if you can't get a baby to drink anything but milk then diluting it is the next best thing.
Is there some reason why she is uneasy changing him at toddlers ? Does she know where all the things are ?,is she concerned at leaving the older one unattended ?

Original poster

Wigglesworth · 08/04/2009 12:16

She doesn't check him she just leaves him to play and carries on nattering or drinking her brew. I like your idea Jem about the asking through him.

OP posts:

IheartEASTEREGGS · 08/04/2009 12:18

Diluting the milk is fine but only for short term periods.

Leaving pooy nappy is not nice though. Next time why dont you say something like 'oh I think X has filled his nappy... I'll watch his sister while you change him if you like'
or offer her a nappy if it seems as though she doesnt have one...

Original poster

Wigglesworth · 08/04/2009 12:20

The older one goes into a different room with her friend and her friends Mum alot to play on the bigger toys so I don't think leaving her whilst she changes him is a big issue. I am assuming she knows where everything is as she has been going there for a few years, ever since the older one was a baby.
Maybe she is a bit uneasy but I still don't think that is an excuse to leave a baby in a dirty nappy for over an hour, if she is uneasy why would she go there, IYSWIM.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wigglesworth · 08/04/2009 12:22

The more I think about it the more I reckon she can't be arsed to change him cos she has just picked them up after finishing work and she wants to sit down with a cuppa.

OP posts:

MrsMellowdrummer · 08/04/2009 12:51

Just wondering why she'd taken him out to a baby and toddler group if he had been poorly that morning?

Watering down the milk sounds quite sensible though.

ssd · 08/04/2009 12:56

its not the granny, its the daughter at fault

whats she doing sending her kids to the grans if the gran is knackered after work?

you should tell her to pay for some childcare instead of getting it free from grans who are too knackered to give her children proper care

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2009 13:00

Not sure about the rest - I thought you were meant to make up formula exactly but most people seem to think that's fine - but the dirty nappy thing is awful. Poor child.

FAQinglovely · 08/04/2009 13:02

"you should tell her to pay for some childcare instead of getting it free from grans who are too knackered to give her children proper care"

and if she can't afford the childcare???

simpson · 08/04/2009 13:03

When my DD 2was being sick (she was about 7mth old at the time) I took her to GP who said to put less formula in the water so she would be more likely to keep fluids down so I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as not done all the time iyswim.

On the pooing front, does she realise the nappy needs changing??

sarah293 · 08/04/2009 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ssd · 08/04/2009 13:07

FAQ, what with working tax credits or even changing your job to accomodate your kids rather than expecting grannies to take over, some of us manage without free childcare

its sounds like the gran in the op needs a rest, not an ear bashing on here

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 08/04/2009 13:10

however tired you are, leaving your grandchild in a pooey nappy for one hour or more , on a regualr basis, is not good enough

FAQinglovely · 08/04/2009 13:12

when I had to work because of financial circumstances I was forced to work a night shift job (9.45-7am) because even with WTC/CTC we could afford the childcare.

Changing job would have made no difference we still couldn't afford it. And it' not exactly easy at the moment to switch jobs......

twinmam · 08/04/2009 13:24

A bit unfair on those of us who do have to rely on free childcare SSD. I am eternally grateful that my mum has my DCs two afternoons a week (they go to nursery two mornings so I can work). Kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place re. not being able to afford not to work and not being able to afford childcare X2 for more than those 2 mornings. I imagine the baby's mum isn't aware he's sitting in a dirty nappy for prolonged periods and of course he might not be - he might just be smelly/ windy! I'd def try the talking through the baby or offering a spare nappy approach.

screamingabdab · 08/04/2009 13:27

Wigglesworth The nappy thing would upset/worry/annoy me too. We don't know the lady, and there may of course be extenuating circumstances, but from what you've said, sounds like she's being lazy. It's not nice for the child, and it's pretty unpleasant for everyone else.

I'd say something to her - offer a nappy as others have said

screamingabdab · 08/04/2009 13:29

Just noticed she's the granny. Is she unable to bend down very easily?

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