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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel quite smug that my DH has just...

40 replies

Pheebe · 08/04/2009 11:17

Cleaned the kitchen and polished the worksurfaces (and I mean polished), hoovered through all the ground floor, tidied all the kids toys away, loaded the dishwasher and done the washing up and is now playing trains with DS2

And all because he's off work today and I asked him if he could have a bit of a tidy round while I was at work

Btw he does usually help with the housework and has his own 'chores' that he keeps on top of without me asking/nagging him but twas sooo lovely and unexpected to go in to a nice tidy clean smelling house that I haven't cleaned...

OP posts:
LadyOfScoffleTheEasterEggs · 08/04/2009 11:19

I love it when DH does things like this Unfortunatly I never really go out without him , but he does do his fair share (and more) when I am here

whyme2 · 08/04/2009 11:24

Am so

ilikeyoursleeves · 08/04/2009 11:25

Pleeeeease send him here!

emmabemmasmom · 08/04/2009 11:30

Oh that is nice! I usually ask DH to do 1 or 2 things when he gets in from work like take the bin out or hoover the stairs (as I am pg and the bin makes me gag and I cannot lift the hoover).

He did the dishes the other day without me asking and I was in heaven!

The last 2 nights he has ran me a bath and lit candles without me asking him too...I don't know if he was just trying to get rid of me so he could play on the PS3 or what but still lol

Lucky you! Trained him well lol

PeachyWithTheBirthdayBas · 08/04/2009 11:33

Mine'slike this also- makes me PMSL as dh is the one that other friends wouldn't have considered dating, noy well ioff enough / doesnt fir their stereotype of good looking (yeesh to their DP's LOL) and then they shock] at how good a dh he can be LOL

Springfleurs · 08/04/2009 11:39

My Dad was in the army, when he cleaned it was to barrack block standards. He barked at us to all get out of the house while he did it but it was worth it as it was immaculate when we got back.

Why can't I meet a man like this?

allthoseeggsaremine · 08/04/2009 11:41

I should have married a soldier....

Original poster
Pheebe · 08/04/2009 11:57

I love him - and he too is not your classic hearthrob type but boy am I glad he made me erm throb lolol

He's just called to say my lunch is ready

OP posts:
allthoseeggsaremine · 08/04/2009 11:59

It takes more than a throbbing..erm...heart (!)....to sustain a happy relationship doesn't it!! Think thats where i've gone wrong in the past!

benandalex · 08/04/2009 12:06

lol at someone wishing they marrried a soldier believe me they arent all like that mine is a messy pig lmao :D

Wigglesworth · 08/04/2009 12:09

, can I swap him for my DH he is a messy lazy git at times.

Original poster
Pheebe · 08/04/2009 12:33

If it makes you feel any better the house is full of 'piles' of his stuff (diy, work stuff, just stuff), in cupboards, corners, under the bed. I have given up tidying up after him and just box and move whatevers in my way. So while pretty darn close he is far from perfick ...that and the wind

OP posts:
Geepers · 08/04/2009 12:36

I think it's a shame that you feel anything at all tbh. I'd expect my husband to have done all that if I had been out at work and would be cross to come home to messy floors and an untidy kitchen.

I do everything if my DH is out at work, he does everything if I am out, when we are both home it's 50/50. It wouldn't occur to me to feel smugness, gratitude, or anything really. It's just doing what has to be done.

studentkatie · 08/04/2009 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 08/04/2009 12:43

I'll swop you

You can have my untidy hubby and I'll take on your lovely. clean and tidy one

Original poster
Pheebe · 08/04/2009 12:43

Geepers you killjoy

I don't see anything wrong in being pleased and showing appreciation for effort - whether he 'should' have done it or not.

OP posts:
mumto2andnomore · 08/04/2009 12:45

I agree with Geepers, surely that should be the norm. You shouldnt have had to ask him to tidy round either, cant he just see what needs to be done and do it ?

Would he feel smug if you had done the same ?

VeryAnnieMary · 08/04/2009 12:45

Geepers - of course it should be 50/50 - but where's the harm in showing a little gratitude in both directions? Dh & I are quite careful to thank one another for doing stuff, it just means it doesn't go un-noticed and no one feels taken for granted. Niceness is nice. Thus endeth the message for today. (I should be allowed on Thought For The Day I reckon...)

Original poster
Pheebe · 08/04/2009 12:51

veryanniemary - thats my attitide too, very much so and in fact I think thats why me and DH are still great friends and enjoy each others company while alot of couples we know just seem to rub along together with huge ammounts of simmering resentment at times and a very competetive attitude to family life (I've done this so you must do that...)

And for the record, we have a very 50/50 house. In fact he probably does more around the house than me if you take into account all the diy and childcare

OP posts:
Geepers · 08/04/2009 12:52

VeryAnnieMary does your husband come home and thank you for making the beds, doing the laundry, cleaning the toilet etc etc?

My husband and I don't need to verbalise our thanks, and we don't do it to please one another, we do it because those jobs need doing and we both like living in a clean, tidy, organised environment.

numptysmummy · 08/04/2009 12:52

I feel smug about my dh doing housework - as far as i'm concerned my job is the home and children and his is bringing home the bread. He doesn't expect or want me to go out to work anywhere else as home is my job so why should i expect him to do stuff at home? I'm not saying that i wait hand and foot on him and the children are a joint effort but not cleaning. And we both thank each other for doing nice things for each other be that him doing the hoovering for me or me cooking him a nice dinner.

Original poster
Pheebe · 08/04/2009 12:54

"My husband and I don't need to verbalise our thanks"

No neither do we, but we do because thats what caring about another person and their feelings is all about. Showing mutual respect takes little effort and reaps huge rewards. Perhaps you should try it Geepers, you might be surprised at the difference it makes.

OP posts:
Geepers · 08/04/2009 12:55

studentkatie I don't understand why people don't have tidy homes. How long does it take to fill a sink with soapy water and wipe down the kitchen sides, or whip a hoover round?

I think the majority of people with messy homes either don't mind, which is fine, or have lazy partners who don't pull their weight.

Geepers · 08/04/2009 12:57

Our mutual respect is shown in the fact that I don't need to ask my husband to do anything. If he sees it needs doing, he does it, and vice versa.

numptysmummy · 08/04/2009 12:59

Still nice to say thanks tho - and have someone say thanks to you,even if it is for everday normal stuff.

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