To feel quite smug that my DH has just...

[Pheebe]

Cleaned the kitchen and polished the worksurfaces (and I mean polished), hoovered through all the ground floor, tidied all the kids toys away, loaded the dishwasher and done the washing up and is now playing trains with DS2

And all because he's off work today and I asked him if he could have a bit of a tidy round while I was at work

Btw he does usually help with the housework and has his own 'chores' that he keeps on top of without me asking/nagging him but twas sooo lovely and unexpected to go in to a nice tidy clean smelling house that I haven't cleaned...

numpty, every time I read a thread on here about a pathetic husband I tell mine how great he is. Trust me, he isn't lacking in knowing how great I think he is.

But thats not actually showing appreciation for effort is it geepers. To my mind without that desire to care for and express care for the feelings of others especially your partner, the motivations to 'do' will fade as will the motivation to remain in the relationship.

Out of interest are you ever spontaneous with your emotions/affection and what happens if something gets forgotten/not done to the others satisfaction?

O and my DH is FAR from pathetic - see my other posts, he actually contributes more in real terms to the home than me while I contribute more financially

Pheebe, don't worry about our relationship. We have been together for 10 years and work better as a team than ever. We are both perfectly satisfied that the other has no motivation to be anywhere other than with each other.

And nothing ever gets forgotten. What could be forgotten? We pick things up as we pass them, clean mess as see it etc. Some jobs I always do because he is rubbish at them, others he always does. We are a team.

Pheebe, I didn't say yours was pathetic. There are many, many posts on here from women who have incapable partners who don't give a shit about them.

Pheebe, I hope he thanks you regularly for your greater financial contribution ;)

Geepers - me too. Wasn't having a go about anybody else's relationship just saying it's nice to let people know we're grateful - even for the little things.

Very pleased to hear that geepers it seems that only 'bad' relationships are brought to mn, understandable really.

And yes he does thank me, he's very aware of the financial imbalance in our relationship even though its never bothered me, I just count us lucky.

I'm totally agree with Geepers. DP and I do roughly 50/50 of the housework, as it needs doing. I don't thank him, he doesn't thank me...that would feel a bit odd. We do discuss what needs doing and there are certain things that each of us do as we have particular standards!

However, we do tell each other regularly that we think the other one is great, appreciate each other etc. And if he does something specifically for me e.g. going to the corner shop to get me a paper as he does regularly, then of course I would say thanks but I wouldn't thank him for doing something to contribute to the running of our household.

Enjoy, Pheebe, and ignore the comments!

If you're happy with whatever arrangement you and your DH have between you then thats all that matters.

I do loads more housework than DH but then he does loads more DIY, gardening and dirty jobs etc. Plus he works longer hours in a more pressured environment and his wages pay the majority of the bills and mortgages because he earns more than me, so he has the responsibility of keeping the roof over our heads (my wage wouldnt).

So if my DH does extra housework etc then I am very pleased too

I am frilly - DH is ace and I love him

I do consider out relationship to be far more balanced and 'modern' than many of our family and friends.

Geepers, hensmum, I guess from your perspective our arrangements might still seem somewhat sterotypical.

Even though I'm the mainbreadwinner I still do the main 'clean', the washing and deal with the food - I choose to, I'm happy to, I want to, DH would be rubbish at it (or at least he wouldn't do it how I want it done). DH does everything else, all the DIY, the 'strenous' gardening jobs, deals with the bins, deals with any insects/invaders etc - all the traditionally male stuff I suppose. It works really well for us and I don't feel any need to make apologies (not that I've been asked to )

Thanks ladies, a rather flippant thread has actually proved quite interesting and though provoking

DH is the main breadwinner here and does all DIY, car & garden stuff.
He also does the whip round- load dishwasher, tidy lounge, make a cuppa- when I'm putting DSs to bed and visa versa.

I usually thank him, and he always thanks me for cooking his dinner, making his packed lunch or ironing shirts.

it's nice to feel appreciated- it makes for a happy working environment

enjoy pheebe!

Veryanniemary - I agree with you, a little bit of mutual thanking is lovely and really makes you stop and think and appreciate the things that get done. My DH are very polite to each other and never begrudge doing things for each other as a result. I 'caught' this behaviour off him - I was so moody and angry when we met, thank goodness he could see past it all

Pheebe, sorry, didn't mean to come across as though I was criticising - I'm not really, I just don't really understand the smug thing. But your fella sounds lovely and he gave you a nice surprise today so I understand why you are pleased!

Each to their own - DH and I wouldn't miss the little thank-yous or strop if they weren't there, but it's lovely to turn round and see the house looking clean and tidy and I think that's worth a "oh it looks lovely, thanks babe".

Splitting chores: DH (who out-earns me by nearly three these days as I ditched my well paid but hated career and went into the arts for a pittance) food shops, cooks, washes up and puts the bins out almost entirely solely. We clean together at the weekend, taking a floor each, I clean the bathroom and do the laundry (though he usually irons). He said recently that he'd rather do anything/everything other than clean the bathroom, so I appear to be testing this!

Actually I do make sure he does occasionally clean the bathroom (before and after the in-laws stay), and we both do all the chores sometimes.

Pheebe you're right - an interesting thread. I love a bit of nosing at others' relationships/set-ups!