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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban my DC's from MIL's???

30 replies

Boys2mam · 07/04/2009 19:41

My DP and I have 4 DS's altogether - he has two DS's from his previous relationship (5 and 7), I have one DS from my marriage (5) and one DS together(7 months).

DP's mother went this weekend and purchased a 7 month old Rottweiler.

AIBU by refusing to allow my 2 DS's to visit her home? MY DP's eldest son is currently staying with her for the Easter hols and his mother (my DP's ex) isn't aware of the dog.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
pginthecloset · 07/04/2009 19:44

do all 4 children live with you and your DH?

If so, I don't think you can have one rule for your birth children and another for the other two. You need to make a unanimous decision.

Gentle · 07/04/2009 19:46

I think this is an over-reaction, but since dogs chewing children is grounded in fact (if rare), it's not unreasonable of you to feel protective.

I think YABU if it's a blanket ban, though. What arrangements does MIL have for kids & dog in the same house, if any? Is she likely to leave kids & dog together unsupervised? Is the dog allowed anywhere in the house, or can it be confined to downstairs/kitchen, etc?

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 07/04/2009 19:47

No not overreacting at all. Has your MIL discussed with you how she is planning to train the dog, how she is going to monitor its interaction with the children and so on.
I think it is particularly not on that she hasn't told your DSS's mother about the dog as he is staying there.
What does your DP think?

neenztwinz · 07/04/2009 19:48

I woudn't let my young children go anywhere where there was a rottweiler. YANBU and I do not think it is an overreaction at all.

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/04/2009 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

toddlerama · 07/04/2009 19:52

YANBU. I wont let my DDs go to MIL's for the same reason. And some other reasons.....but that's the one I tell her!

toddlerama · 07/04/2009 19:52

YANBU. I wont let my DDs go to MIL's for the same reason. And some other reasons.....but that's the one I tell her!

Original poster
Boys2mam · 07/04/2009 19:52

We haven't discussed anything - we just got an announcement on Sat that she had bought the dog followed by an offer to have our baby on Weds (tomorrow).

I declined as I told her I was worried about the dog (amplified by the fact she doesn't know the full history) so she's agreed to see my DS away from her home.

I suppose the best way forward is to discuss this with her. I just don't feel I would be 100% happy that once they trust the animal they wouldn't relax any rules.

OP posts:
toddlerama · 07/04/2009 19:53

oops

Northernlurker · 07/04/2009 19:53

I don't think you are overreacting. You know nothing about this dog or how mil will train it and you have vulnerable children to think of. I would keep them away - at least for the first few years but encourage mil to visit you sans dog as much as possible.

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/04/2009 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 07/04/2009 19:54

So she has got a seven-month old Rottweiler whose history she does not know? That would worry me a lot actually, as you would definitely need to know why it is being rehomed.

HumphreyCobbler · 07/04/2009 19:57

I wouldn't take my children where there was a dog like that.

Original poster
Boys2mam · 07/04/2009 20:01

LadyGlencora, that was my DF's reaction.

Shineon, thats exactly my position.

Thanks MN, just what I needed to approach this horrid conversation tomorrow (she will NOT BE HAPPY!!!!)

OP posts:
Gentle · 07/04/2009 20:03

Yes that does sound more worrying, then. How do you acquire a 7 month old Rottweiler without knowing its history? It can't have had that many owners at such a young age.

I'm willing to bet that someone, somewhere, couldn't handle the dog and has given up on it. Not the dog's fault, but you're wise to be wary of it for that reason.

FfreckleFface · 07/04/2009 20:11

I think you need to meet the dog, and see how your MIL deals with it before you make any decisions.

Does she know the dog's history? Did she get it from the breeder and meet at least one of the parents? I would be loathe to have a dog whose history I wasn't aware interact closely with a child until it had been properly trained, and even then I would be wary.

I've got two rottweilers. They are wonderful with my 13 month old, BUT they are only allowed anywhere near her because we dealt directly with the breeders, met the parents, and have had them both since they were puppies. They have been trained hard since the moment we brought them home, and as a result are obedient, calm, and affectionate. I realise that not everyone on MN is a fan of dogs (slight understatement there!) but I think a relationship with the right dog can be really beneficial.

My daughter adores our dogs, and spends hours playing with them, Girldog especially. Girldog is happy to lie on the floor while little Ff crawls all over her, pulling her ears and stroking her. Rottweilers get bad press, but, I see a lot of dogs and wouldn't hesitate in choosing another rottie, if, God forbid, anything happened to one of ours.

Don't immediately jump to the conclusion that because the dog is a rottweiler it is going to be savage and dangerous. ALL dogs have the potential to be dangerous, and you need to judge individual dogs on their individual personlities.

I think you should talk to your MIL before it becomes a problem. People can get very emotional and defensive about their pets, so even if she is understanding now, a situation might develop where she thinks you are being unfair.

Get to know the dog, and, please feel free to ask if you have any questions about how Ihave dealt with my rotties.

lilymolly · 07/04/2009 20:14

Ditto everything FfreckleFface says, apart from I have 2 labradors instead

mylifemykids · 07/04/2009 20:16

I refuse to visit my friend anymore because she wouldn't put her dog out when I visited with the kids (yes I know it's HER house so that was fine but I wont visit her again)

She has a labrador-rottwiler cross (well that's what she's said it is!). According to her it only has the colouring of a rottweiler and the temperment of a labrador....I'm not prepared to risk her being wrong!

YANBU

Original poster
Boys2mam · 07/04/2009 20:20

Thanks for your advice Freckles - The main issue I have is the age of the dog and surely she wouldn't even know its true personality/temperament til she got it home.

I guess I'm a little peeved she went ahead with this despite having 5 youngsters (her other DGS is 6 wks old) in her home which is also too small to keep the dog out of the way

OP posts:
wotulookinat · 07/04/2009 20:23

YANBU. I am a dog lover, but a young dog needs training, and you need to be especially careful with such a strong dog as a Rotty. I don't have problems about children and dogs mixing, but under constand vigilant supervision. I NEVER leave my son (2.5) alone with either of my dogs - not worth the risk, and I wouldn't trust anyone else to supervise my child with any dog.

FfreckleFface · 07/04/2009 20:26

Seven months old is still fairly young. He'll be big and boisterous, but still malleable. They're pretty bright, and respond well to strong training, so any bad habits he might have will be breakable. Your MIL needs to assert herself as being in charge straight away though. Has she got experience with dogs?

I'm calling it 'he' without asking - it is a male or a bitch? Boydog had a bit of a 'naughty' stage when he was 10 months or so, and started to ignore commands and assert himself a bit more, but we were consistent with praise/punishment and it passed. Girldog never went through that, and we were advised that it is a bit of a boy thing.

MmeLindt · 07/04/2009 20:27

I agree with Ffreckleface.

The worrying thing is that you do not know the dog, you know nothing about it's history, the parents, previous owners, why it was rehomed.

That is very important to know before introducing a dog into a house where children are going to spend time.

We got a puppy for this reason rather than going to a shelter.

Had she spoken about getting a dog or was this a complete surprise?

Original poster
Boys2mam · 07/04/2009 20:36

She mentioned getting a dog for the first time a fortnight ago (to me anyhow, apparently she's been saying this for years) but I honestly thought nothing would come of it (she works full time). She's having health problems, been signed off sick and low and behold - thinks, yep, I'll get a dog

Freckles, its a female.

I'm going to go meet the dog, see her plans for it and take it from there.

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Gracie123 · 13/05/2009 16:34

I know it's an old post, but I was just wandering how this all turned out in the end?

Did you chat to MiL? Did she understand?

Original poster
Boys2mam · 13/05/2009 18:10

I explained to MIL why I was concerned and since then whenever we visit she takes the dog (who is lovely btw, called Roxie - how original!!) and puts her into a cupboard (it sounds awful but its all been done out to put her into when they're out or have visitors and has a safety gate to keep her in, rather than a door).

I was actually quite surprised how serious she was about training Roxie and how well the dog has settled.

Sadly, they no longer ask to have DS over to stay so I wonder if I have caused more upset than she has decided to share with me

OP posts: