to think your DH/P should get other ladies he doesn't even know up the duff?

[peachyfox]

Ok, perhaps I should clarify.

When we first met (date 2) my DP asked me how I felt about adoption because he has a disease in his family that is definitely hereditary and that has caused him to grow up without a father and lose his sister. I said I was fine with it.

Recently we had IVF with donor sperm, a solution neither of us had thought of before and which very happily worked, hence I am 20 weeks pregnant tomorrow. DP is of course the legal father in the same way any 'natural' father would be.

On our way we have met many other lovely couples who for various reasons (zero sperm count being the most common) have used a donor.

There is some information on it here

The donor has no rights over the child and noone can ever ask him for money or support of any kind. Children of donors now have the right to contact their donor when they are 18. Noone else can know their identity.

We are so enormously grateful to our donor for making this possible for us. I've been trying to write a note of thanks (have to check if it will be passed to him) for weeks but it's very hard to find the words.

Donor banks are running very low now, since anonymity was taken away, and there are many who do not have this choice or must wait a long time.

Do any of you think your DH/DP could do this? And how would you feel about it if they did?

It's such an amazing thing to do .

pinkdelight - it's very interesting to read your perspective.

There are no children who are old enough to have non anonymous donor parents at the moment to be in a position to articulate their perspectives so we will have to wait a few years to see how tempted they are to try and trace their donors. But from interviews I've read with a number of children who were born of donor eggs or sperm, it seems the ones who have adjusted best to it are those who have known their origins from the word go, rather than it being a nasty shock they find out as an adult.

I would hope that honesty about my DS's origins would make him disinclined to trace someone who had no more involvement in his conception beyond wanking into a jar.

I do think it is quite different from adoption actually - that is someone giving you up once you've been born (either voluntarily or otherwise). Being born as a result of egg or sperm donation is not the same thing at all.