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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my family I'm gay when I'm not?

30 replies

SheekLaSheak · 07/04/2009 19:09

I'm sick to death of family constantly going on about me 'meeting someone'. Everytime I see one of them I get "are you dating again yet?" "don't you get lonely?" "wouldn't you like a nice man?" etc etc

I got so sick of it that I told my grandad (after another round of questioning) that I'm actually a lesbian and so rather than looking for a man, I'm waiting for the right woman to come along.

I told him this because I knew he would be the one most likely to mention it to everyone else and I thought it was funny!

As predicted, the story of me "coming out" has spread like wild fire and the entire family are apprantly gossiping about it, all shocked, saying how they knew "all was not right with me" etc etc.

I've just sat back and left them to it. I find it all very ammusing and now at least they won't keep going on at me about men.

My sister however is fuming and said I have embarrassed our mum, mortified our grandparents and embarrassed the whole family. She wants me to apologise and tell the truth. They won't believe me now anyway even if I did tell the truth as the "story" is too "sensational" for them to give up! they'll be loving it really!

AIBU? It was just a daft joke and I would never have done it if they hadn't have persisted with the dating shite.

OP posts:
DSM · 07/04/2009 19:10
Hmm
daftpunk · 07/04/2009 19:11

maybe now they'll ask you have you meet a woman?

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 07/04/2009 19:11

Well, although now they won't be going on at you to find a man, they'll be asking you why you haven't found a good woman yet, so nothing much is going to change for you, is it?

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 07/04/2009 19:12

x-post with DP

HonkingAntelope · 07/04/2009 19:12

Indeed with ears on top...

LuluisgoingtobeanAunty · 07/04/2009 19:12

maybe you would have been better to ask tehm all to stop pressuring you, rather than lying?

rubyslippers · 07/04/2009 19:12

seems a tad extreme ...

you seem to have calculated doing it to cause a maximum stir - sounds like it was always going to be more than a daft joke

maybe your family want you to be happy and not see you on your own?

fuzzywuzzy · 07/04/2009 19:12

What are you going to do when they start introducing you to women?

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 07/04/2009 19:13

Why should you apologise? Tell them they are a lot of homophobic bigots and they should mind their own business in future.
And bring your best looking female friend to the next family get together.

Gillyan · 07/04/2009 19:18

genius!

Pan · 07/04/2009 19:26

Sheek - for just how long have you been in the closet with Dorothy? It's a shame it took some family interest in your life for your saphic side to emerge. You had lots of options on how to manage this situation, but your choice to "emerge" as the beautiful butterfly you are is very healthy. Now FLY you beautiful thing! FLY!!

TheButterflyOeuffect · 07/04/2009 19:29

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MrsMagooo · 07/04/2009 19:31

Perhaps a tad to far

LeninGrad · 07/04/2009 19:31

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RumourOfAHurricane · 07/04/2009 20:03

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MANATEEequineOHARA · 07/04/2009 20:17

That is funny!

I do worry my family have already decided I am a lesbian as I am not meeting new men. I am not a lesbian, just pretty content to be single, enough not to HAVE to be with someone for the sake of it, not because I am a lesbian!

I am a tad worried for you though Sheek, cos how are you going to carry it on!!!??? Well, I suppose that may be why you started this thread, so, being unhelpful!

LeninGrad · 07/04/2009 21:16

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 07/04/2009 22:14

It is also incredibly irritating to be judged because you do not WANT to be with someone. Leningrad I do see your point, and I am sorry if I sounded offensive, I definitely did not mean to, but I can also sympathise with the OP, as I do not want to be with anyone right now, and I can well see how justifying your lack of a love life can be difficult to the point that it could well be easier to tell them you are a lesbian. And as for making a fool of THEM, how do you think it feels to get questioned all the time about why you are not dating. I feel like it makes me look like there is something wrong with me! And it is actually nobody's business to be so nosy, people have their own reasons that can be private, again, claiming to be a lesbian is one way (that is possibly easier than disclosing one's own truths) to stop awkward questions.

TheButterflyOeuffect · 07/04/2009 22:45

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solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 07/04/2009 22:51

LeninGrad, I think that sometimes someone who is heterosexual stating that they are not is an OK thing to do because it goes some way towards showing people who are either bigoted or simply ignorant that not everyone is heterosexual (or otherwise marginalised) and that people who are not part of the dominant/privileged group don't necessarily have it written on their foreheads. But then I always refuse to give my sexual 'orientation' unless I think it's relevant and quite often won't give my gender if I can get away with not doing so (on a website which is not specifically about gender, dating or reproduction, what business is it of anyone else's what my genitals look like?).

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 07/04/2009 22:59

I think anyone's got the right to say anything they like about their own sexuality actually.

hester · 07/04/2009 23:33

Of course they have the right, but the 'joke' was that she is a lesbian, and that is funny if part of you finds being lesbian a little bit funny...

I don't feel deeply offended by it, but I do kind of agree with LeninGrad.

Mumcentreplus · 07/04/2009 23:40

...now you gone and pissed off all the lesbians/gays

LeninGrad · 08/04/2009 09:58

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firepile · 08/04/2009 10:35

I agree with you, LeninGrad. Especially about the idea of gay being "funny".

Anyone who has ever known anybody who has had hostile reactions fromt heir family and/or friends about their sexuality would know that this just isn't a laughing matter. And OP it sounds like you have done absolutely nothing to educate your relatives about their homophobia through this process.