To think that it is MY business what I call myself?

[LadyGlencoraPalliser]

Argh. We have had the discussion on CRB checks and Ms before, but at least with the paper form you can fill it in and send it off. I am now trying to complete the electronic version of the form and it will not allow me to submit it at all because I am a Ms who is not a divorce. Nor can I be Miss apparently, because I am married. Nor can I be Mrs, because I do not use my husband's surname.
So I officially do not exist because I do not conform to their stupid, stupid presumptions about how a woman should define herself.
If I were a man it would be completely acceptable for me to keep the name I was born with for my entire life regardless of whether I was married, but in the 21st century, if you are a woman - no can do.
I am BOILING with rage.

I suppose the titles thing is just the way things are here

There did used to be master for a young man as well.

The Ms thing was a fab idea, shame it never took off.

I read somewhere that in the 17/18 centuries unmarried women used to call themselves Mrs as anyone called Miss after the age of 15 or so and unmarried was assumed to be a prostitute. Don't know if that's true or not but it would go alone with Alexa's comment. Btw, YANBU

Lady Glencora - how did you resolve this?
My mind is boggling at the moment, I seem to have hit a real run of fuckwitteries like this happening to me and other people I know. I think I have been sheltered from real life by leaving it so late to do so many official things with a male partner - I have been treated as a spinster all my adult life, which although apparently rather embarrassing is at least comprehensible, and leaves me in control (or pathetically wielding my quavery female attempts at being in control, but whatever). Now I am a person in an established relationship and shared household with a man, everything is suddenly different. I hate it.

I also hate how quickly I am caving in. My second attempt at getting life assurance has also reversed our names and I am considering being past caring as long as all the post is addressed to both of us so I can administer it, just to get this done.

But what does everyone else do? Surely it is not unusual for all the household financial affairs to be dealt with by the woman of a couple in this day and age? And is it the case that in every household where this happens but the account is put in the man's name anyway, she just shrugs and says, "fair enough, he has a penis after all"?

sniggering at "fair enough, he has a penis after all"?

It drives me insane and I'm not even so militant about my name vs DH's name: I use my DH's surname socially (Ps and PILs always address me in letters etc. as Mrs DH even though they know i use my maiden name, and so many people assume it that i can't be bothered to set them right unless it is a big point of principle, and happy to be that name at weddings etc.) but all my work and bank accounts are in my maiden name as are all our home bills etc. and I freely use my maiden name when calling tradesmen etc. (and love it when my DH then gets called Mr HQ by builders rather than his own name )

I have recently been the subject of this sexist behaviour with car insurance. Ours came up for renewal recently and everybody who phoned up to offer a new quote wanted to talk to my DH. This is despite the fact that the car is owned by me in my name, used 90% of the time by me, and has me in my name as first named driver. Yet they all seem to have picked up on DH being the second named driver and just assume he is the one they need to talk to. I always give a curt "actually i deal with that in this house so you need to talk with me if you want to get our business" and then don't give them my business anyway.

The worst thing I've ever had was being addressed as Miss DH's name - now I may be his wife but I was never ever his sister or single aunt!!!

gingersarah all of our household stuff bank account etc is in my name first. It does seem odd...

holidaysqueen I've always been interested when people use 2 names how it works legally. Presumably the legal name would be your maiden name unless you took DHs name at marriage (or changed by deed poll later). So presumably you wouldn't be able to do "official" stuff in the name which wasn't the legal one? is that right?

I have just read your post and also boiling for you!

I can't remember what I was applying for recently but I was pissed off because they didn't give the option of 'Miss', just 'Ms' and 'Mrs'.

shambolic - there is nothing to stop you using more than one name in the UK - you don't have to legally pick only one. As I understand it, you can actually use whatever name you want so long as there is no intention to deceive or obtain things fraudulently (so probs couldn't call yourself Kylie Minogue if you used that to then get upgrades, restaurant bookings, free clothes etc, and probs couldn't change your name to try and avoid credit checks or CSA or something). In practice though for opening bank accounts etc it needs to be a name you have proof of, so you would either need a deed poll or have birth and/or marriage certs. So I am still maiden name at work, on bank accounts and pretty much all bills, plus car related stuff, but house is in married name as is all related insurance and mortgage. I have both my name and married name on passport. Banks are okay with cheques to either maiden name or married name as just need to have marriage cert to show both are valid names to cash them. So I'm known by my name, DH's name and both names although in my own heart, and most often when I tell people what I'm called, I am always my own birth name

So I needn't have gone to all the trouble of switching everything over when i got married and had at the back of my mind a worry that i was doing something illegal on the ones i didn't get round to changing that quickly?

Bugger. I would have left a few things then.

Oh well at least now I know if I ever get divorced