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Original poster

To think that it is MY business what I call myself?

59 replies

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 07/04/2009 12:11

Argh. We have had the discussion on CRB checks and Ms before, but at least with the paper form you can fill it in and send it off. I am now trying to complete the electronic version of the form and it will not allow me to submit it at all because I am a Ms who is not a divorce. Nor can I be Miss apparently, because I am married. Nor can I be Mrs, because I do not use my husband's surname.
So I officially do not exist because I do not conform to their stupid, stupid presumptions about how a woman should define herself.
If I were a man it would be completely acceptable for me to keep the name I was born with for my entire life regardless of whether I was married, but in the 21st century, if you are a woman - no can do.
I am BOILING with rage.

OP posts:
SoupDreggon · 07/04/2009 14:05

Put the same surname under "previous name". Or "No change" which will, for the purpose of the electronic form, look like you've typed something in.

If it makes you feel better, the electronic passport form always translates my surname to "yes" They're not infallible.

MrsTittleMouse · 07/04/2009 14:06

I'll put my hand up as another married Ms who has kept her name. It's completely insane. What is the point of Miss or Mrs anyway? If we all just were Mr or Ms then there wouldn't be this mess!

I'm not Miss, as I'm married.
I'm not Mrs Mouse, as that has me married to my Dad.
I'm Ms Mouse, or Dr Mouse.

It's not difficult.

SoupDreggon · 07/04/2009 14:06

Is there no "other" option for title or does it include every possible one from Ms to Grand Vizier ?

Habbibu · 07/04/2009 14:07

Oh, yes, Grand Vizier. That would be good.

IheartEASTEREGGS · 07/04/2009 14:09

Type the same surname into both boxes, the current name box and the previous name box and see if that works!

HolidaysQueen · 07/04/2009 14:13

The thing I love about this is that somebody sat down and made their system more complicated by adding in lots of qualifying statements - so if someone puts Ms then she must put a previous name, if someone puts Mrs then she has to have a maiden name etc. It was an ACTIVE decision to add these 'refinements' and make it complex like this so they can't just blame the system being outdated - somebody made it that way!!!

For practical purposes of getting the form filled in without having a heart attack (that can come later when you complain to them ), I'd put Ms and then put your surname in twice as previous name and current name.

HolidaysQueen · 07/04/2009 14:14

Although then you might get referred to as Ms Palliser-Palliser...

JulesJules · 07/04/2009 14:15

Grand Vizier would be good. I also like Doges, although of course the form probably won't allow you to use that unless 'city' in the address is Venice.

TheHedgeWitch · 07/04/2009 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JulesJules · 07/04/2009 14:22

Sorry, have no idea what that link is that has appeared in my messages

JulesJules · 07/04/2009 14:23

Oh it's gone. As you were...

Shambolic · 07/04/2009 19:26

insyrance thread

Any updates ladyglencora?

Have been seething about this...

JacquelineBouvier · 07/04/2009 19:57

I would use Princess or queen When i worked in a bank these were actual options, didn't get much royalty popping in to apply for loans mind

Original poster
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 07/04/2009 20:00

No, I haven't done anything about it yet. Been distracted by pesky kids. I will call them tomorrow.

OP posts:
becksydee · 07/04/2009 22:36

i second SoupDreggon's suggestion to put the same surname in the 'previous surnames' box - will it let you do that? that's what i had to do when i filled in the paper version, so makes sense that it would be the same on the electronic version.

btw, i am also a ms (unmarried as it happens, don't see why i should have to define myself by my marital status), couldn't believe it when it got sent back to me because i hadn't filled in a previous surname!!! poor bloke on the CRB helpline who was the unfortunate recipient of an earbashing from me freely admitted that the system was stupid and clearly stuck in the 19th century. sigh!

on my o2 bill i am mr [surname] because they don't allow ms as a title and somehow the system defaulted to mr i've yet to chase them up about that and point out their idiocy.

anyway, hope you manage to get it sorted!

Cosmosis · 08/04/2009 11:44

I would also put the same surname in both boxes and then write a Strongly Worded letter.

Gentle · 08/04/2009 20:59

I have to CRB check people at least once a week and I always cringe when I explain the bit about "Ms". I don't blame people for spitting teeth when I tell them.

Please, everyone, keep writing letters and complaining about it. It's a complete nonsense, not only because it's archaic, but also because the poor design allows some names to fall between all the goalposts as LadyGlencora has pointed out.

debs40 · 08/04/2009 21:08

I can't believe the CRB still has problems with this.

I was CRB checked a few years back when I was mentoring 'troubled' youths. It took 8 months to get this sorted because I am married but Ms and kept my own name.

Letters to MPs and Ms Harriet Harman perhaps?

I too will be glad when I gain my PhD! It is bonkers that this is such a problem in the 21st century. But again and again people struggle with the fact that I have a different surname to my husband and kids but that we are married. I get called Mrs 'debs40' or Miss 'debs40' and there are so many assumptions made about either description!

MillyR · 08/04/2009 21:11

I have just been through this with CRB too. I have had to stay as Miss, even though I am married, because I haven't changed my name. It is just silly.

gasman · 08/04/2009 21:12

I'm a doctor. Mine got sent back to me 'cos I didn't fill in the previous surname box.

'twas infuriating.

alexpolismum · 08/04/2009 21:18

It's funny that this should be such an issue in English, whereas in many other European languages the word used to address a woman usually just refers to a woman rather than a girl, IYSWIM. For example, signora in Italian doesn't necessarily mean a married woman, or kyria in Greek, etc. Why does English in particular define a woman by her marital status?

yama · 08/04/2009 21:19

Gasman .

Please, please complain.

Shambolic · 08/04/2009 21:24

alex I always got confused though about how you knew the cut-off for changing from the word for girl to the word for woman?

(sorry off-topic!)

I have no idea about the origins of English as opposed to other languages unfortunately, so don't know the answer to your question, although I always found it odd when learning French at school that different inanimate objects were assigned a "gender" - so bafflement on both sides of the channel by the sound of things!

alexpolismum · 08/04/2009 21:27

hmm, you just sort of know! If in doubt use the word for an older woman, rather than a young girl, that's what I do, and it seems to work!

alexpolismum · 08/04/2009 21:29

(sorry about the mini-hijack here) to be honest, I never think about noun gender. It's just part of the way things are, like phrasal verbs are an integral part of English.