To feel really irrate and a bit shocked at what my mum said?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

We were discussing DH and the way I think he copes or rather doesn't cope with dds while I am at work.

Don't get me wrong, he can look after them, if watching them is all he has to do.

He couldn't do a shop with them as he struggles getting them dressed and leaving the house. And if anything unexpected happens all hell breaks loose.

I know this from when I am in the house but having a lie in busy doing other things.

He has to shout me to come and deal with them. Dd1 says all he does while I am not there is shout and hold his head saying "I can't cope"

My mum said "Oh I think he does really well. Don't forget he is a man. You can't expect him to organise things. When I worked your little sister had to take a day of nursery each week because your dad couldn't get her there"

So because he is a man, he shouldn't be expected to call at the shops to get a dress for dd to wear on her weekend away, because he is a man and shouldn't be expected to manage?

YANBU at all.

becuase your a woman you are naturally more able to change a shitty nappy
because your a woman you have been naturally selected through millions of years to be able to push a pram and put the washing machine on.

Funny how some men seem to figure out machinery fine when it's cars or bikes, but get all bewildered by domestic appliances...

My mums like this. & She didn't think he needed to be at the birth, that I could just do it alone

Well, he does look after them I assume, and they come to no real harm do they? Maybe it was her cack handed way of telling you to give him a break and ease off on the criticism?

yanbu

but I can't begin to start with where you mum starts to go wrong because mine is exactly the same.
Can I at least share your pain and ire?

Problem shared and all that?

No Edam, Dh is rubbish at that too. I first met him when he dropped off some cigarettes to my house he had got her from abroad. He lived on the same street as me, so she thought he could drop them around while she was visiting me.

I asked him if he knew anything about fires as mine wasn't working. He said he would take a look. I thought he must be handy. I was wrong. He didn't fix the fire, nor can he use a drill, change a lightbulb, reset the sky box....

He is a bit useless at most things tbh, great in a pub quiz though

That reminds me of when my MIL commented on dh doing the laundry when I was 9 months pg. She asked, why isn't your dw doing laundry? er.. because I'm 9 months pg and I don't want to carry a 5kg bucket of nappies.
She also mentioned later on, if she can operate a laptop then she should be able to operate a washing machine. One had to restrain from giving her a piece of one's mind at the time.

it is self perpetuating.
she says this is why,
therefore it is WHy.

oh, your mum!!

whatever, same difference, women who give him that excuse allow him to make that excuse, i am sure dh does certain jobs around the house, really badly, so he won't be asked to again!

i think a mobile phone is wayyy trickier than a washing machine - ditto - radio, i- pod, computer...the list is endless.

he sounds like a total twat from beginning to end - you never ever ever ever post anything good about him

why not just fuck him off

Where my mum goes wrong? I'd fill the whole thread.

My dad doesn't even know where his own underwear is. Before she went into hospital she asked me if I would go around each night and lay out clean undies for the next day incase he forgot to to change them . Needless to say I said no. She got a weeks worth of clothes for him and laid them out on the dresser so he knew what he should wear each day.

Of course he just sitts back and lets her. I am not sure why. He left home @ 14 and has been in the army, so clearly he is perfectly capable.

My grandad does more housework than my nana does, infact he is bloody obbsessed with it.

So I have no idea why my mum behaves the way she does.

my dad didn't know if my mum took sugar in her tea after 22 yrs of marriage
(she never had)
sigh

He is not doing badly atm Custy. He is trying a lot harder in the house, because he knows how much it is bothering me. And is hardly going out. Unless it is to visit his mum.

I can't stand that "Well what do you expect, he's a bloke" thing either.

So many levels - trite, sexist, resigned, uninterested in listening to your situation... It's just irritating in general when you ask someone for an ear or some support, and they tell you that the situation can't really be changed (or indeed be worth venting about) because all X's are Y's.

My DH is pretty much the same though - and tbh I do just think to some extent it is because he is a man and they think differently. He is perfectly capable of doing the stuff if he thought about it, he just doesn't think about it. I don't let him get away with it though - if he shouts "where is x" I don't jump up and look, I get him to think about it.

I can't be doing with the lazy option of asking me just because I'm there - if I wasn't there he would have to work it out for himself, so he can do so even if I am there!

As to whether or not OP is BU or not, I don't know - I think she IBU because it is her mum's generation and that is the way many men were (mostly because women allowed them to be that way) so no point being irate and upset about her mum;
BUT she can be irate and upset about her DH being an incompetent twit and not doing anything to improve himself.

i dont think it's your mum you need to sort out. it's your dh who needs a kick up the arse taliking to imo

internet grocery shopping.they take into kitchen.your mum well,old fashioned views

ah well...I would just leave him to it...so long as they are alive when i return I'm cool..lol..your mum just sounds old school...my mum when my DD was first born was all freaked when I would let DH change and bath her...but he had his own style admittedly I had to leave the room a few times to stop myself from strangling him..but when I returned nappy was changed and baby was happy...

On the DH front - I just find that unfortunately they (as a rule) do not "Know" the DC as well as you. This is assuming that you have been at home with them more than him.

My DH would love to be a SAHD but he would have months of learning before he was not holding his head in his hands by lunchtime

Also he can't see situations coming and tends to agrivate them when they do arise. Who in their right mind helps a 2yo open a babybel without first letting them struggle for 5 mins? Not me that's for sure Suprising how much they hurt when they catch you between the eyes

As for the Mother - ignore, ignore, ignore

It wasn't for groceries. I wanted him to get dd1 an outfit she could wear on her weekend away.

From his reaction you would have thought I'd asked him to participate in a Triathalon.

Though later he took dd1 out grocery shopping, so I could get on with packing her things in peace.

I am and at the thought of what would happen if I asked DH to buy clothes for DS - I doubt it would be right though - it involves things like "size" and/or "age" and appropriateness etc.

• nah, wouldn't work.

ah well ..would you have approved of his choice?...I know my DH would be freaked becaused he knows I would give him the 'what tha hell were you thinkin' face when he showed me the outfit...

how do you all respect these useless malfunctioning hopeless dh's? jeeeze. how can you want to have sex with men who are so...... crap?