Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to worry about children not been watched by friend?

31 replies

debs40 · 06/04/2009 21:03

We've been out for the day - me,my two boys,my friend and her three boys. All children are 5 and under

Great day trip for the kids who were totally overexcited but really happy however I was worried at my friend's behaviour with the kids generally. For example, while walking through the busy town we were visiting, the kids were running miles ahead of us down the pavements. The roads were busy. My youngest is just three and one of hers is two. She had a pram but was happy to let them run ahead or lag miles behind and wasn't watching them.

I found myself running to catch up the whole day - shouting ahead - grabbing hold of hands to stop them crossing roads.

I felt like a right fusspost. But there's no way I let my kids disappear round the corner on the pavement of a main road without me. She was perfectly happy to let them run and I know this is the way that she is generally at home as she walks everywhere and always lets the eldest two run off ahead. I understand that they may be more used to it than my two, but they are only 5 and 2.

My friend was quite happy to sit talking while the kids ran off from our table at a cafe. They all disappeared round the corner on to a main road several times.

I was up and down tracking down kids all day.

I've never been out for the day with her and her kids before. She is lovely but VERY laid back and I found it really hard to relax.

I'm not trying to judge her but I just find it really hard when you parent in a different way to someone. Am I being an overanxious parent or would others let a little gang of under 5s run off from them towards a busy road and just trust they'd stop at the light?

OP posts:

Smithagain · 06/04/2009 21:08

I trust my 6.5 yo to run quite a long way ahead, but not to cross any roads and not to go round corners out of sight. That is how we get home without falling out.

I'm beginning to let my 3.5 yo run ahead a little bit, now that she has demonstrated that she does stop at kerbs. But definitely not out of sight and not so far ahead that she can't be stopped with a very firm shout. And she holds my hand to cross roads.

As to whether your friend is reasonable or not - she might be OK with her own kids if she knows their limitations. But I'd be surprised if a 2yo was actually safe to run that far out of reach.

You are perfectly reasonable to keep a tighter rein on your kids, if you know they need it.

IneedAbetterNickname · 06/04/2009 21:09

YANBU!

I let my 4 year old 'run off' ahead of me, but never when it's busy. He also knows to stop at the roads, and not disappear round the corners. DS2 was out of his buggy on the way home from school the other day, I couldn't catch him as the other numskull mums stand in the way, and watch him run past. When he got to the road, he looked both ways (clever boy), said "no cars" then walked out Luckily there really were no cars but OMG I was sooo scared!

littlelamb · 06/04/2009 21:09

I have a friend like this too. She has a 4, 22 and 10 month old. It is exhausting. It has got to the point now where I don't like being out with them or them coming here, as terrible as that sounds. I understand she must be frazzled having 3 so young, but I have 2 of my own and a fun day out for me does not involve taking responsibility for looking after and disciplining 3 more. When they are here they trash my house while she sits back and lets them. Maybe I am overanxious, and yes it is up to the parent to look out for them, but I know I can't just stand back while her eldest 2 run ahead (the eldest has actually been hit by a bus before ) I would say to have a quiet word (easier said than doen ime) or just try and limit the time you spend together- harsh, but whenever I am with this person I am constantly worrying about her children

HotCrossMuff · 06/04/2009 21:10

I have a friend like this and it makes for stressful trips out as I used to run about like a loony whilst she sipped her coffee.

One time her Ds who was 6 at the time was throwing a wobbler that he didn't want his seatbelt on in the car and she just ignored it, let him go without and drove home!

Now the kids are older its not too much of a problem I must admit as they do have more sense now. Other than saying "stick to visits at each others houses" or "safe" areas such as parks etc I can't be of more use, sorry! But you do have my sympathies.

mrsruffallo · 06/04/2009 21:12

YABU
You could be posting about me!
My children always run ahead of me and it makes my friends very nervous but they are very sensible and always stop at the kerb.
I know them inside out and as we walk everywhere they are very street/ road safety savvy. They often disappear around a corner esp on their scooters.
I often get disparaging looks/remarks but I don't pay any attention.
I say chase your own children if you feel you must but leave your friend to judge her own and parent her way

LilyBolero · 06/04/2009 21:13

I think you know your own children, and stick to your rules with your children. I know that my eldest 2 will not go on the road, so I let them run ahead (they're 7 and 5). I know that ds2 absolutely won't (he's nearly 3). So he isn't allowed to.

However I do things like lighting fires and letting them help with cooking because I KNOW that they are sensible in that way.

HotCrossMuff · 06/04/2009 21:15

Even at the age of 2, Mrsruffallo, would you let them run out of sight on a busy road?

MrsMattie · 06/04/2009 21:16

I know so many parents who are really relaxed around roads or with keeping an eye on their children in general. Fine. But I know my little boy (rambunctious 4 yr old!) and there isn't a cat's chance in hell that I would take my eyes off him near a road (he hasn't got proper road awareness yet) or in a shop/public place (he is curious about everything and could so easily just wander off).

I am not an especially 'strict' mum and I like to think I am not too over anxious, but I am a stickler for 'safety in public places' - things like staying safe around roads, holding hands or keeping close in public etc. I guess it comes from having a 'bolter' (up until he was 3.5 yrs old my DS would run like the wind if you let go of his hand).

Original poster

debs40 · 06/04/2009 21:18

At what age can you really trust a child to be road safety savvy though no matter how often or far they walk? Two? Five? Six? I just don't know. I read somewhere it's 8!

All children are different but what happens when they're completely overexcited and not listening as they're out with a bunch of friends? Isn't it time for the calm down and let's be a bit sensible near a road chat?

My two will go ahead on their scooters when we go to school too. But in a new town when you don't know what's around the corner?

I just felt worried about something happening to someone.

OP posts:

Original poster

debs40 · 06/04/2009 21:20

Mrs Mattie - like you I am not particularly strict either but I just don't trust very small children near roads when they're distracted. I'm glad to see it's not just me!

OP posts:

Baisey · 06/04/2009 21:22

Its all well and good "knowing your own children" but you dont know everyone else on the street, if they run ahead or go out of sight anybody could abduct them...

mrsruffallo · 06/04/2009 21:24

Oh please Baisie

mrsruffallo · 06/04/2009 21:26

But just because people do things differently to you, doesn't make it wrong.
I know a few parents I consider over anxious-to the detriment of their children imo

But it's their child and I don't suggest they should change.

Original poster

debs40 · 06/04/2009 21:29

Mrs R - How old are your children? Out of interest

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 06/04/2009 21:30

I agree@mrs ruffallo. I have a friend with extremely biddable children that don't stray more than a foot away from her on the street, in supermarkets etc. I bloody wish!

FairyMum · 06/04/2009 21:36

There is no way a 2 year-old can be road-savvy. Children always stop at kerbs until one day they don't.

Original poster

debs40 · 06/04/2009 21:36

I can see how people can have faith in their own kids. That's their judgment, and risk to take etc etc. I really can see that

But, the kids were hyper with excitement (as children often are on day trips with friends) and are so young, I would have thought that would mean extra care should be taken ?

She didn't mind me running to fetch them back, particularly when hers disappeared out of sight at the cafe - round the corner onto the main road with buses etc.

Her level of trust in the rational capacity of overexcited under 5s just seemed astonishing!

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 06/04/2009 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Baisey · 06/04/2009 21:40

what... it bloody well happens! Im certainly not an over-anxious mother but I have my limits. As for the traffic issue. No child of 2 if in an excited state would have "road sense"
There is such a thing as being to laid back, unfortunately working where I do, I see it quite often.

DumbledoresGirl · 06/04/2009 21:46

I am afraid I was like your friend by the time I was on to my fourth. Our route home from school involves emerging from a path on to a busy road. Our house is right next to the path and on the same side of the road, so my youngest, who would run on ahead with or without the others, had only to run along the pavement for a few yards and then turn into our drive ie not crossing the road. I lost count of the number of times he ran down the pavement out of my sight whilst I was still on the path. I do feel uneasy thinking about this, but yes it happened, often.

DumbledoresGirl · 06/04/2009 21:49

Oh and mrsruffalo, do you often lose your littlest one in shops? I was forever bringing shops to a halt as I looked and shouted for him It probably stopped when he was about 4.

mrsruffallo · 06/04/2009 21:56

Lol DG, happened today actually!!

Baisey- I think the chance of a car stopping and abducting a child must be millions to one
Traffic does bother me more, which is why I have drummed stopping at the kerb into them

DamonBradleylovesPippi · 06/04/2009 22:00

I worry about this all the time as I've got a friend who does the same. I'm sure she knows her children. But I know mine and my DD1 has got her heads in the clouds and although she is very mature and sensible when she goes off on her world she totally forgets where she is and she would easily walk through a road. I have informed all my friends of this so that they do not think it is okay to let her run the way you describe. No way. Having said that I feel I would not let her do it anyway at this age, where I don't see her and where she does not the roads or if they are busy.

Original poster

debs40 · 06/04/2009 22:05

I agree about the abduction thing completely...so little chance of anything like that happening that it really doesn't concer me.

Traffic does.

Mrs R wouldn't it make any difference to you if your children were out with friends and getting a bit out of hand?

That's the bit I can't get my head round. A normal day, you're on your own with your kids, who are used to running ahead.....well I can understand that.

But on a day trip with a load of bonkers kids not listening to a word anyone is saying? Different, surely?

I think I've answered my own question IANBU!

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 06/04/2009 22:07

@Debs
When I am solely in charge of friends' dc then I am actually more careful because I don't know them so well
If she is a friend you can discuss this with her surely?

Flip

1 2