to sometimes find it hard staying in other people's houses, (no matter how hospitable they are?!)

[onthepier]

We recently spent the weekend at my dh's brother, wife + children's house. Lovely weekend, I can't fault their hospitality + our children get on just great with theirs, (similar ages too).

Is it just me though, or do other people find it difficult staying in other people's houses?

I've known them all for years, but find myself at a bit of a loose end at times such as the following:-

Coming home from a day out all together when there's that 2 to 3 hours before we eat, my dh is engrossed in the football with his brother, all 4 dc's, (mine + theirs) are playing happily, not needing any intervention, my SIL insists she doesn't need help with the cooking + I feel I'm distracting her by chatting in the kitchen!

I generally pick up a magazine + sit down in a quiet area, (my dh's brother suggests I join them but it's all football talk which I can't contribute to!),

Switch the other telly on, only to be asked what I'm watching/do I normally watch it, etc? (Friendly chit-chat but sometimes you're just channel flicking + not watching anything specific!) or

Go up to my bedroom with a book, then the comments to dh start, "Is ONTHEPIER alright? She's disappeared!"

They're lovely people + I've known them years, but feel a bit of a spare part sometimes. (My dh loves to catch up with his brother as he doesn't seem him much), + there's not always much I can contribute.

We all went away together last year, bank holiday weekend in hotel + it worked so much better, meals/days out together, but returning to your own space in between. Do other people generally prefer this arrangement or am I too independent?

I think you sound reasonable. Sometimes very social people forget that some of us like to have time alone. My brother and dad, for example, would never think that someone would voluntarily read a book, for pleasure.

I find it awkward as well. There are just the three of us, me DH and DS and also I am an only child so I very much appreciate my own space.

We have also been away on holidays with other families sharing villas and we found that awkward as well. All families have their different ways of doing things and unless you are a total 24 hour a day extrovert it can be exhausting being in that situation.

We do house swaps for this reason as DH has a lot of friends in a certain area. Means we can catch up with them all but retain our own space which is much much better.

We much prefer to sort ourselves out in a hotel nearby and just see people for a while rather than all be on top of each other - I think you have to be honest about what works best for you, so that you can all enjoy the trip and not feel stressed out by it.

I'm with you on this one. I love being around people but only to a point and then I need my own space for a bit to re group. Very close friends understand this and leave me to it but inlaws etc and people I know less well probably think I am being stand offish.

I know exactly what you mean. And the annoying thing is, dh can read a newspaper, disappear upstairs either by himself or with his brother/Dad, sit in the garden, whatever. yet I am duty bound to stay and 'chat'.

I vote we please oursleves at these godforsaken family get togethers, other other halves clearly do!

I love my own space, I wouldn't even want to go on holiday with another family

YANBU I totally understand.

Probably best to read nearby everyone else, or your host/hostess may well assume they've done something to annoy you?

I hate those moments - luckily when we stay with family (or when family stay with us), everyone's very cool with the idea of "going for a lie down" or all sitting around reading or with respective laptops (sometimes we bring them with us, sometimes guests bring theirs, but in most of the houses we go to there are a couple of laptops floating around!) - that can happily pass an hour or so and it's not necessarily antisocial - lots of "have you seen this video/photo/news story" and online window-shopping. God, we sound nerdy! I find it hard to read when there are people talking nearby, so I might go upstairs to read.

YANBU but it is unfortunate that in such a hospitable environment you do not feel able to just sit and do nothing! You could just tell your SIL that you want some time to yourself - maybe that is why she is doing the cooking on her own....

Also think of it the other way round. It can be quite hurtful when people (not just family) come to see you but stay close by instead of with you. It can feel like a personal insult.

Perhaps plan something for times like that - a specific task you want to do perhaps. Take up crochet!

It sounds like they are all taking advantage of a bit of 'space' of their own - just try and do the same and not worry about it! I know I don't really like being 'helped' in the kitchen, as I usually go into my own little world when I'm cooking. It's unlikely to be anything personal on your SIL's behalf if she's like that.

If you should want to do something useful then try and identify something that no one else has thought about, eg laying the table, or popping to the shop to get some wine.

Otherwise, take a good book, or your laptop and get some MNing in

But agree that it's always tricky staying with other people for any length of time, and vice versa...

click your heels together and repeat after me..
"There's no place like home...there's no place like home..."

YANBU - i totally understand, i feel the same
nothing like your own bed is there? and just being able to veg out on the sofa and do your own thing

i think some people think of me as standoffish too but i do like my own space sometimes!

I hate with a vengeance staying at other peoples houses and people staying at mine.

Call me anti-social but I like my own space and can't stand them under my feet.

YANBU - i hate staying at other people's houses and miss my own home so much when i'm away. its not that others are inhospitable but its just not my home and i dont ever seem to relax totally

YANBU, the worst for me is when I am at IL's in teh evening, PIL's will watch some awful drama on some random cable channel, DH is upstairs in his little bro's bedroom playing xbox and DD's are asleep in our room, so I end up with a book curled up on an armchair in teh corner, and they talk to me! I don't want to talk!
I also get it at my mum's but at least there I can go for a walk without everyone thinking I have lost my mind

lol Jackbauerkilledtheeasterbunny - i used to pretend to read anything rather than watch neighbours that MIL had taped from lunchtime so she could watch it after eastenders and corrie had finished

YANBU, I hate staying with friends, have knid of knocked it on the head tbh, try to see them on day trips or stay in an apartment nearby. Don't mind staying at my parents for maximum2 nights but only cos they're v laid back, have a massive house and it's in the middle of deserted countryside.

Can't stand people staying here either, i find it really intrusive, can do 1 night but that's it!

I'm an anti-social cow

YANBU and I actually hate having people stay at my house too! Having to gear myself up to staying at a friends house for the night in a couple of weeks and already dreading it. Poor old DH, he's actually very sociable whereas I crave peace and quiet.

I totally agree, I hate staying at other peoples' houses and am not too keen on putting up house guests either.

I am a bit anti-social I think!

So, if so many of us hate being houseguests and hate having houseguests, let's stop doing it!
I'm chopping up the spare bed tomorrow and telling all family and friends I have dreadful infectious disease to quell the invites.
Having houseguests gets in the way of my nightly fridge-raids.

Thanks for your posts, it's a relief to hear that most of you feel the same, as I'm actually quite a sociable person but also like my own space.

For instance, if friends phone up suggesting they meet me us at a playcentre/country park etc, say at 10.30 am I'm happy to do that, + really enjoy the morning catching up with friends, + watching my dc's have fun with theirs. However, I normally see just after lunch as cut-off time + the rest of the day is mine/ours. Then somebody will pipe up, what are you doing this afternoon, we can go here/you all come back to mine etc! If I don't look too keen it's not at all because I don't enjoy their company, I just enjoy time to ourselves sometimes, or I've got things I want to get done!

Was the same when I worked full time, many of us would have lunch together in the canteen then nip into town, but I'd prefer to go round town on my own, just for a bit of head space before the hectic afternoon in the office. Could never understand why the others wanted to trail round the shops together every day, but maybe that's just me!!

I'm ok depending on teh house guest. My mum is quite quiet and I cna get on wiht things. IL's take over the telly and MIL follows me evrywhere to talk
When friends stay I don;t mind for one ngiht chatting etc but then I want a quiet night with MN or a book.

Also, it doesn't help that our bathroom is next to the spare room, so I can never use the loo first thing without feeling really selfconscious!

The hardest part I find is my dc's early wake up call (usually around or before 6) which always seems to happen in strange places. It is bloody impossible to know what to do with them, especially if there's someone else asleep on the sofa!

I do love having guests though and love it when they bugger off upstairs for a nap - it means they feel relaxed enough to do so!

YANBU at all.
I totally cherish my own space. I never stay overnight anywhere except at my parents' where I feel completely at home.
We never have anyone to stay overnight, bar family, because after a night with them - nice as it is - DH and I just want them to go home and want our own space back. I culdn;t stand it if we had to get up and entertain them all morning too!
Call it antisocial, I call it being a happy, self-sufficient family.