to sometimes find it hard staying in other people's houses, (no matter how hospitable they are?!)

[onthepier]

We recently spent the weekend at my dh's brother, wife + children's house. Lovely weekend, I can't fault their hospitality + our children get on just great with theirs, (similar ages too).

Is it just me though, or do other people find it difficult staying in other people's houses?

I've known them all for years, but find myself at a bit of a loose end at times such as the following:-

Coming home from a day out all together when there's that 2 to 3 hours before we eat, my dh is engrossed in the football with his brother, all 4 dc's, (mine + theirs) are playing happily, not needing any intervention, my SIL insists she doesn't need help with the cooking + I feel I'm distracting her by chatting in the kitchen!

I generally pick up a magazine + sit down in a quiet area, (my dh's brother suggests I join them but it's all football talk which I can't contribute to!),

Switch the other telly on, only to be asked what I'm watching/do I normally watch it, etc? (Friendly chit-chat but sometimes you're just channel flicking + not watching anything specific!) or

Go up to my bedroom with a book, then the comments to dh start, "Is ONTHEPIER alright? She's disappeared!"

They're lovely people + I've known them years, but feel a bit of a spare part sometimes. (My dh loves to catch up with his brother as he doesn't seem him much), + there's not always much I can contribute.

We all went away together last year, bank holiday weekend in hotel + it worked so much better, meals/days out together, but returning to your own space in between. Do other people generally prefer this arrangement or am I too independent?

Actually just noticed anyfucker's comments. Agree totally, and with Lizzylou also on the holiday front.
We like to do our own thing on holiday and another family would mean we had to compromise.

Yes, yes and yes. YANBU at all. And a great relief to see this, as I've just had a kind of row with my v extrovert friend about when they came to stay, and I thought I was the only person who feels like this!

I am quite outgoing but really, really need time on my own otherwise I get ratty, even if that's just reading a book and not being spoken to. So by the end of a weekend - whether at someone else's or with people here - I am generally at the end of my tether. I can't imagine ever going on holiday with another family at all, it would drive me up the wall.

And JackBauer, are you sure you're not describing a weekend at my parents? TV up at deafness volume, me trying to hide in the far corner of the room with a book, gently grinding my teeth... We're going there this weekend, but it's bearable, as I get a day off each end thanks to Easter.

gosh I hate staying in other people's houses, I feel bad about feeling this sometimes (but not all the time as some people are terrible hosts)

I do sometimes wonder if it makes me "precious" and anti-social

I hate not being able to eat when I'm hungry, or even worse, having to eat A LOT when I'm not.

People's houses have so many "knacks" (like the flush that has to be pressed 2 and a half times otherwise it over flows or something!) Or people who's showers leak for want of a bit of silicone and if you dont position the bath mat exactly right (folded 3 times and presses up against the shower) your shower water pours into their kitchen down stairs. I hate "knacks", if theres a knack to it it means it needs to be fixed!

I also hate not having my own transport. Stayed with someone recently who was dropping my off at the airport and kept telling me to "relax here" (in their house) till the last min when I cant relax till I get to the airport and had said that I wanted to be there 2 hours before the flight (they were very proud that they managed to time it so that I got there at exactly the last min that I could check in)

Also, I think I am a pretty good host, I do look after my guests, nice clean sheets and towels etc left out for them and a selection of breakfast options etc but find that only about 50% of people we stay with can even be called hosts - you KNOW when your are staying in a bed that hasnt been changed since the last guest and its not nice!

OOOh also hate the flush/dont flush at night issue. Noone ever tells you in advance

Hypocritically I love when people come to stay with me LOL

I hate it too
I hate waking in the night desperate for the loo and walking along cold draughty corridors looking for the lightswitch in the dark
hate the evenings at the inlaws when the kids go to bed at 7pm, dh goes on his laptop, FIL watches shite on TV and I have to make polite small talk with MIl until a reasonable hour to go to bed

I'm very anti-social.

Hate staying at other peoples' houses. Hate having guests to stay. Could never go on holiday with other families. I'd like to be the sort of person who loved having guests but I never will be.

I need my own space and get really grumpy and twitchy if I don't have it.

Yes, me too, hate being a guest and being a host for more than a night, two at the most. I like my comfortable routine, wandering round in my dressing gown / MNing / reading without feeling the need to make small talk, deciding to go to bed at 8.30...luckily DH is the same Don't mind staying in a hotel nearby - makes you feel a bit more in control.

It's completely reasonable to not like staying at other people's homes. I find it quite stifling, and not at all relaxing. I'd much rather splash out on a cheap hotel, where I can have my own bit of space (albeit temporarily). You do feel a bit beholden to them, even if they are delightful, perfect hosts.

DP used to get quite frustrated when we were first going out, that I refused to go and stay at any of his friends' homes (so not only staying at other people's houses, but also strangers, where I would also feel being inspected as the new girlfriend), but thankfully he's given up on trying to persuade me now.

I don't like staying at other people's houses, worry about them wanting the bathroom when I'm in it, don't like feeling at a loose end and not being able to veg out watching rubbish telly or eat naughty snacks. ( also worry about farting and snoring too) I'd much rather stay at a hotel and just visit tbh. I do enjoy having visitors to stay sometimes but get very wound up about menu planning etc. don't think it is really worth it, I'll just stay at home on my own.