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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at a friend who asked why I would want another DS instead of a DD?!

41 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 06/04/2009 19:47

I know this has been done to death but I've never directly been on the receiving end and I was quite surprised at my friend today! I have a beautiful and adorable DS (17 months) who will be joined by a sibling this July. The inevitable 'what gender do you want?' conversation came up and I said 'I'll be totally happy with either' (which I would be) and she had such a surprised look on her face and said 'oh but a girl would be great, do you really want another boy?'.

She seemed genuinely perplexed and I said that I am used to boys and would think another one would be fab and she said 'I suppose then if you had a boy your DS would have a friend' as if a girl would be an arch-enemy! I felt like I had to defend my DS and was thinking, 'is everyone going to think 'aw what a shame' if I have another DS???!'

I wonder why boys get bad press, they seem to a lot, I love my wee boy wouldn't change him for the world!

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 06/04/2009 19:48

People are weird

A couple of people asked me if DP "minded" when we had dd2

I mean, FGS...

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 06/04/2009 19:50

oh, it's the whole "mum, dad, son, daughter and a dog" mentality.

ahfeckit · 06/04/2009 19:55

what a ridiculous thing for your friend to come away with, surely it's your own feelings that count. I would be the same as yourself. I have a son too, and wouldn't mind at all if I had another boy. They are great fun! Just like girls are, I'm sure. It's different when you've been used to boys though, it makes life easier, you know what's to come.
Some people can really amaze you!

thisisyesterday · 06/04/2009 19:58

it's crap isn't it? I have 2 boys and would genuinely love another one (though would be happy with a girl too) but everyone assumes I want a girl, and egven that I am having a third to get it.
so, in some ways I really don't want a girl because this IS our last child and everyone will think i stopped cos I got a girl.

pointydog · 06/04/2009 20:03

YANBU. What a silly woman.

TheCrackFox · 06/04/2009 20:07

YANBU.

I have 2 boys (7 and 3) and still get asked if I am going to try for a girl. Some people looked genuinely shocked when I say I am happy with my boys.

Some people are just weird.

Gunnerbean · 06/04/2009 20:10

Let your friend be, she's just another socially conditioned clone. There are millions of other women out there just like her.

TrillianEAstraEgg · 06/04/2009 20:10

Does your friend have children? She probably hasn't really thought about it, and assumed that everyone wants mixed genders.

It's unthinking but she's not being nasty.

Moosy · 06/04/2009 20:10

I have 2 girls and am expecting DC3 in December, I haven't told anyone in RL yet and am dreading the "oh, hoping for a boy this time are you?" comments, because actually I (in fact, we) would love to have another girl, am totally not fussed about ever having a boy!

Twas bad enough last time round, it's going to be even worse this time

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 06/04/2009 20:14

No said friend does not have any children so maybe it's just her preconceived notion of 'the perfect family' or something.

My SIL is expecting her 3rd DC soon, they already have a DS and a DD and my MIL said to me that it doesn't matter what they have this time as they already have one of each. Surely it shouldn't matter anyway!!!

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 06/04/2009 20:16

I personally have never understood those who long for a boy or a girl

I just don't get it

3cutedarlings · 06/04/2009 20:16

I have 2 DDs and a 5week old DS, the number of people that have said to me how wonderful it must be to have a boy (which it is!!, except for getting pissed on lol ) is unbelievable, even total stranger that have stopped and had a nosey in the pram .

So no YANBU, but i warn you it wont stop!! if you have a girl, people will expect you not to want anymore DCs and if you have a boy they will ask you at some point if your having anymore!! .

MrsTittleMouse · 06/04/2009 20:17

We had family asking DH if he was "OK" with having another daughter. "You're sure you're alright with that?" We were asked after DD1 whether we would have another to try for the "pigeon pair". I didn't even know what that meant!

I don't understand why one of each, two years apart, is considered like the Holy Grail of reproduction.

TrillianEAstraEgg · 06/04/2009 20:26

I don't have any yet but my DP wants a DD (at some point). Does that make him abnormal?

notnowbernard · 06/04/2009 20:29

DP has said that he would willingly and happily father half a dozen girls. Seriously

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 06/04/2009 20:30

I'm expecting dc3 after 2 dd's and the number of people who assume i want a ds makes me .

I really don't mind another dd would be lovely (I'm one of 3 girls) and aslo much cheaper as the house is pink however a boy would be a whole new ball game, not least the wees and the dangly bits.....

so long as it's happy and healthly I REALLY DON'T CARE!!!!!

Cazzaben · 06/04/2009 20:30

Funny you should post this as someone said to me today 'wouldn't you like a daughter? and its a shame you have 2 boys' (i cant have anymore)

I'm actually really really chuffed to bits that I have 2 boys... They are perfect (not saying a girl wouldn't be) But it never crossed my mind to think I wont ever have one!

I never really wanted girls... they would end up like me

Dont know why people say that but like I always say everyone is different... xx

MrsMagooo · 06/04/2009 20:35

YANBU.

DD came along first followed by DS 2 years later, people kept saying how 'thrilled' DH must have been at having a boy as if having DD had been a let down for him!

I felt bad for DD as it was as if people were taking away from her IYKWIM?

DH's grandad even said 'Ah a 'surname' then - I had to remind him that DD was also a 'surname'

As we have both a DD & DS people also automatically assume we won't have any more babies, as it happens we don't plan to, but why do people assume that just because we have both a daughter & a son??

Mooseheart · 06/04/2009 20:40

Oh, I've known a couple of people to say, "I expect you'll be trying for a boy next..." Err, no. If we go for a third we will be trying for a baby.

frazzledoldbag · 06/04/2009 20:53

I got lots of sympathy when my second baby was a second girl (although DH and I were hoping for another girl). People especially seemed to feel sorry for DH. MIL even went round telling everyone he was jealous of my SIL who had just had a boy!!!! FFS some people are sooooo weird. And rude.

paisleyleaf · 06/04/2009 21:01

I've got a DD, and would love another girl.
But if I had a DS, I'd love another boy
I like the idea of 2 the same.

frazzledoldbag · 06/04/2009 21:02

Two the same is fab. Definately. Even three the same would be lovely.......

mumto2andnomore · 06/04/2009 21:11

I would never say it to anyone but Im so glad I had a girl and a boy and not 2 boys so I do kind of understand where these people are coming from.

Now my daughter is older I love taking her shopping and to see girlie films, I wouldnt be able to do that if I had 2 boys.

princessx2 · 07/04/2009 13:58

I have 2 dds and my FIL's comment to my DH when second DD was born was 'another girl eh, never mind' and then something about the family name not being carried on, to which my dh replied that he was delighted with another daughter and that it was about time the name died out as it was a stupid name!!

I also regularly get asked whether dh would like a son - which he doesn't and has genuinely always wanted daughters. My SIL also made the comment to me that I will never get to do the mother-son thing (which she is as she has one if each) which I told her was fine by me - I already had one mummy's boy (wink)

lalalonglegs · 07/04/2009 14:27

ilikeyoursleeves - wait until you have one of each and then dare to have a third... the number of people who told me they didn't "get" why I wanted another child when I already had a son and a daughter .