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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at a friend who asked why I would want another DS instead of a DD?!

41 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 06/04/2009 19:47

I know this has been done to death but I've never directly been on the receiving end and I was quite surprised at my friend today! I have a beautiful and adorable DS (17 months) who will be joined by a sibling this July. The inevitable 'what gender do you want?' conversation came up and I said 'I'll be totally happy with either' (which I would be) and she had such a surprised look on her face and said 'oh but a girl would be great, do you really want another boy?'.

She seemed genuinely perplexed and I said that I am used to boys and would think another one would be fab and she said 'I suppose then if you had a boy your DS would have a friend' as if a girl would be an arch-enemy! I felt like I had to defend my DS and was thinking, 'is everyone going to think 'aw what a shame' if I have another DS???!'

I wonder why boys get bad press, they seem to a lot, I love my wee boy wouldn't change him for the world!

OP posts:

Blessingsdragon · 07/04/2009 14:36

2 boys - yes wanted (well thought would be nice and is ) and got girl 3rd time - would have been fine with a boy but - Would never have told /discussed or anyone

duchesse · 07/04/2009 14:40

Tell her to mind her own bizboz and not transpose her feelings onto you! Your boys (if it is a boy) will be lovely and close in age and can have loads of fun together. Your friend just sounds like yet another pigeon-pair person (you know, the kind of person who thinks that one of each is the gold standard)

Walkingwiththighosaurs · 07/04/2009 14:50

Crikey some people! Having only one DC I have never been asked if I wanted a girl or boy for a second child. I am LOL at some of these posts. Did the people asking if it was ok that girl/boy arrived think you could send it back if you were not 100% satisfied!!

Mind you some people are strange like that, my ex MIL made it clear she wanted a grandson not a grandaughter!

InSearchOfLostKeys · 07/04/2009 15:22

You can't win really, being visibly pregnant seems to give the green light to people opening their gobs before they think..

after having ds, I was told 'well that's your family complete now' (as I had dd)from people I hardly knew. Er..actually I think I'll decide when my family's complete thanks, FFS

In the end we decided not to try for another, but for other reasons NOT because they are a dd and ds!

Wheelybug · 07/04/2009 15:33

I even had a mw say 'you'll be hoping for a boy' when I was 34 weeks pg having 1 girl already. Given it had taken me two years to get pg and had had a m/c along the way I couldn't have cared less.

We had another girl which feels perfect al;though I suspect a boy would have done too.

Gateau · 07/04/2009 15:39

I am flabbergasted by the amount of people who "request" what gender they want when there are people out there who either can't have children or have little ones born with all sorts of problems.
Who gives them the right? This attitude really annoys me.

MsSparkle · 07/04/2009 15:47

InSearchOfLostKeys i had that comment too, "your family is complete" because i have a dd and have recently had a ds. I don't want anymore, dp and i decided this even before i gave birth to ds. If i had another girl, i would have been just as happy.

I do feel a tad guilty though, even though i can't help what the sex of my baby is because my friend and i both have dds and were pregnant at the same time with dc2. I couldn't have cared less what i had but she and her dh really wanted a boy. I had a ds and she had another dd!

traceybath · 07/04/2009 15:51

Because of course all girls are girly and want to go shopping and all boys want to watch rugby with their dads - or perhaps not.

It does make me laugh rather as i know plenty of girls/women who have atrocious relationships with their mothers.

As someone who struggled to conceive dc2 i was delighted to be pregnant and really didn't care what sex it was.

Boys and girls are both lovely.

ThePellyandMe · 07/04/2009 16:09

I have 2 boys and often get people asking if we'll be trying for a girl

It really pee's me off, I adore my boys, I'm, just happy to have 2 wonderful children regardless of their gender and yet I feel like I have to justify their very existence.

I've had it twice recently at supermarket checkouts. I never ask if anyone is planning anymore or comment on their family and I wish people wouldn't ask me.

I can't have anymore but it's too complicated and personal to go into with the checkout assistants or people I don't know well so I just end up muttering about how two's plenty and go away feeling like shit. I don't want reminding of my health problems and I don't want people to feel sorry for me because I don't have a girl.

I don't care!

tengreenbottles · 07/04/2009 21:47

i have never understood this whole mentality regarding sex of children ,i have a girl and a boy ,did i ask for them ? was i blessed to get one of each ? did i really give two hoots ,nope , i wanted children and i got them. for what its worth i would dearly love another ,what should i wish for next time ? a golden labrador

Cazzaben · 07/04/2009 22:06

LOL tengreen!!!

I know how you feel... I get asked when or if im having anymore... I dont really want to go into details as to why I CANT!!! its not their business and I always feel a bit shit too...
I do tell some people I cant (without going into details) and they feel sorry for me and then dont talk to me?!?! I'm so lucky that I got 2 boys and they are perfect!!!

I think im gonna say next time im gonna try for a dog... God their expressions would be priceless!!!

Gentle · 07/04/2009 22:19

YANBU. I think there's a lot of projection in this, not sure I can explain what I mean...

In ilikeyoursleeves' case, if people are really insistant that she MUST want a baby of a different gender next time, they are probably seeking to reassure a deeply held wish of their own by imagining that "everyone feels like this".

haemomum · 07/04/2009 22:26

YANBU. tbh I get sick of being asked when I'm having the next one (have 1 DS). why do people assume I want (or can have, for that matter) any more? Again, it's probably the preconceived notion of the perfect family.

Gentle · 07/04/2009 22:33

I hear you haemomum We were happy with one, a DD, for years (and she's been happy too) but it's only since we became surprisingly pg that people have really made free to express how much better they think it is all going to be for us now, how pleased that we have seen the light and will not be pursuing our hideous, never-before-witnessed experiment in mono-rearing! Had a miscarriage betweentimes too, you'd think that would give people a bit of a clue the subject might not be up for general discussion, but no, people were asking us when we would be trying to "carry on" while I still had my Tenas on.

People are just bloody daft and it helps to keep a sense of humour, although it can be hard sometimes.

BottySpottom · 07/04/2009 23:02

Wait 'till you've got 3 boys! I genuinely love having boys. I love boyish outdoor things and romping around with kites and rockets. Glitter and plaiting would drive me nuts.

No one believes me though ...

BottySpottom · 07/04/2009 23:04

Just to clarify my post above - I am sure if I actually had 3 girls, I would love them just as much. I really don't think sex (of child I mean ) is that important.

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