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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DP should stop dabbling with drugs?

31 replies

rhum · 05/04/2009 10:42

DP (early 30s) came home at 9am after a friend's bday party looking wrecked, sheepish and . 'jesus, you alright' I ask. 'no. I tried ketamine. I can't remember the last 4 hours' ... that was apparently on top of booze and some coke. we are going to start TTC in a few weeks. AIBU to think he should now agree that his (admittedly occasional) recreational drug days are over?? or am I being rose-tinted to expect him to stop completely?

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 05/04/2009 10:44

YABVU, he'll need all those drugs to cope with children. Particularly at the rugrat stage.

twinsetandpearls · 05/04/2009 10:48

Is this a joke thread I have stumbled on to?

SoWhat · 05/04/2009 10:50

What a bizarre question. Do YOU think YABU? I don't really think you need anyone to tell you the answer really do you?

RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg · 05/04/2009 10:50

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SoWhat · 05/04/2009 10:50

oops too many reallys!

RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg · 05/04/2009 10:51

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smallorange · 05/04/2009 10:52

He is in for a shock once you do have a baby

brettgirl2 · 05/04/2009 10:52

Personally I would define 'dabbling' with drugs as smoking a joint at a party, not mixing coke and ketamine. I must lead a sheltered life, but surely it's quite surprising he's still alive?

psychomum5 · 05/04/2009 10:52

as for the Q, yes of course he should bloody stop. is he insane??

Ronaldinhio · 05/04/2009 10:54

yabvu,

what's some horse tranquilizer between friends parents after all

Original poster
rhum · 05/04/2009 10:57

delighted this looks like a joke thread! once i posted I realised how barmy it sounded. I have knocked all that on the head - but get lulled as know people without kids who still do it. big talk when he wakes up

OP posts:
Hassled · 05/04/2009 10:59

Reality - how do you know he isn't a depressed Goth? Very unfair to start making judgements without all the facts, IMO.

Quattrocento · 05/04/2009 11:00

Strange how being on something can lead you onto something IYSWIM. I'd never thought of ketamine to help me through sleepless nights but now I can see that it would be tremendously helpful.

Is there an adverse impact on the wrigglies though? In which case probably best to start dosing oneself with ketamine after conceiving? A quiet word with a GP might help to resolve this issue.

RealityIsMyOnlyChocolateEgg · 05/04/2009 11:00

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Original poster
rhum · 05/04/2009 11:06

and, also seriously, thanks reality - time for him to make big headspace switch. I am 99pct sure he is on board (he's a total goodie) but it needs to be all said loud and clear. funny how when you type it in black and white is all very different to thinking it's just the odd big night out

OP posts:
Shambolic · 05/04/2009 11:11

You simply need to point out that once the DC arrive he will rarely be going out and if he does will be woken at 6am.

I;m quite relaxed about all this sort of thing. "Big nights out" a couple of times a year seems like an OK amount. If he is/was intending to go out and get wrecked quite regularly once DC arrive you will really start to hate him for it.

Just have a chat

wotulookinat · 05/04/2009 11:12

Ketamine? He's an adult and considering being a parent FFS.
Not the sort of man I would want to be the father of my children.

Salleroo · 05/04/2009 11:19

Well, it doesnt look like he enjoyed the Ketamine so he prob wont be trying that one again.

I can understand the drugfree attitude while trying to concieve and the first year but you do have lives too. Sometimes (like last night - sun streaming in through the window, good music on radio) I would love a joint (and I'm 7 mths preg) and there have been times when I've been out (not preg) and have had some. There are e's in the fridge (do they go off?) and when it comes to big nights out (I'm talking once or twice a year here) then one or other of us in on baby duty and ready to get up and go the next day.

In saying all of the above we are in agreement as to that fact that there is no regular drug taking (we used to smoke every night) and both happy with that. Before TTC I'd have a chat and make sure you are both happy with whatever agreement you have come to.

I'm afraid having children and partying like a fiend do not go hand in hand.

Original poster
rhum · 05/04/2009 11:35

thanks everyone, all most sage and sensible. I will mix a calm chat about the future with a goodly dollop of FFS

OP posts:
Shambolic · 05/04/2009 11:41

...

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/04/2009 13:02

katamine - isnt that a drug for horses?

surely a joint would be better?

in mr mccays voice from south park

drugs are bad - ok

DSM · 05/04/2009 13:10

I don't really think you can stop him from doing what he wants, he is not your property, and you don't have any children so why on earth should he not take drugs if he wants to?

Agree with reality though - if you are going to expect him never to take drugs again, you are going to have to make sure he is up for that. Otherwise, don't bother having children together.

Also agree with Saleroo's post.

Oh, ans Saleroo - do e's go off? I shouldn't think so.. but why are you keeping them in the fridge?

Salleroo · 05/04/2009 13:18

Not sure why we keep them in the fridge, partially so they wont get damp and crumbly and also so they are too high for little hands!

Shambolic · 05/04/2009 13:18

Ketamine is a horse tranquiliser.

Whether a joint would be "better" kind of depends on what result you're after!

smallorange · 05/04/2009 13:27

The physical effects of drugs aside, there is also the effect on your relationship with your partner.

One Saturday you will be holding the baby and he will announce he is off to a party - well ok, fair enough.

You will feed the baby a few times that night and be knackered on Sunday, and expect some help. He will have been to a party, will maybe be coming down off something or hungover, and want to spend the day in bed.

Cue huge row.

You should have a talk about the fact that he will be a part too and be expected to so his fair share.