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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset at people who say " you are unlucky to have girls"

99 replies

Ripeberry · 04/04/2009 18:35

Heard it twice this week and then they go on about how wonderfull boys are!
I just believe that you are given what you can cope with and hopefully my girls will be best friends with me when they are older.
For now i'm their mum and i'm very proud of them....so there!

OP posts:

jellybeans · 05/04/2009 19:59

'I am sure DH would like a little boy but I personally don't see the attraction of them'

I think some people feel that way till they have their own boy. I just wanted a live baby after 4 losses. After my DDs I loved it so found it hard to see the 'appeal of boys' but I think we usually/always think what we have is the best. When I actually had a DS I realised boys were every bit as fun and nice as girls. I understand little boys now and totally see the appeal. I never had brothers/nephews etc so my boys are a new thing for me. It's also great being able to grow/mould great men for the future! I don't get the negativity. In our society, boys and girls can acheive the same.

jellybeans · 05/04/2009 20:01

'I personally don't see the attraction of them''
Would it offend you if someone directed that to you about your DDs?

Sorrento · 05/04/2009 20:10

I have to listen to most days about what little bitches my daughters will be when they are teenagers, I guess I'm naturally defensive and "yuk, a boy how flithy" is a counter balance to that.

misschatterbox · 05/04/2009 20:17

Well I think the thing that bothers me the most about planning our 3rd baby, is that people are going to think that we are just trying for a ds. We love our two little dds very much and wouldn't mind what we are lucky enough to have. It's the children we love not the gender. I don't want people treating our 3rd baby as a disappointment if it happens to be a girl.

FlorenceofArabia · 05/04/2009 20:22

"I have to listen to most days about what little bitches my daughters will be when they are teenagers"

That's often spouted by MNetters and pisses me off. My only child is a DD and I don't for a minute expect her to be a bitch as a teenager - fiesty and trying maybe but not a bitch.

MrsTittleMouse · 05/04/2009 20:44

Interesting article about gender biashere.

And one about gender preference in adoptive parents
here.

Of course, statistics don't account for personal preference, and almost all parents end up loving the genders of the children that they have. I'm now a complete fan of girls, even though I had no opinion either way before I had children.

smugaboo · 05/04/2009 21:09

This quote by SalbySea "just don't get the pinkness and dollys" etc reduces girls to stereotypes every bit as much as Sorrento's did about boys.

SalBySea · 05/04/2009 21:26

I know that not EVERY little girl is into pink and dollys, I wasnt, but its just silly for anyone to deny that the majority are. There are more girly girls out there than tomboys.

male and female brains are physically different. Saying that there are general differences between boys and girls is not saying that they are not equally valid human beings!

just cause something is a generalisation doesnt mean its wrong. Saying that most people like hot drinks isnt denying that some dont is it? I think that one is allowed to generalise, it doesn't mean that they dont think there are exceptions.

duchesse · 05/04/2009 21:30

Sal- imo that bias is mostly cultural and learned, as it the perceived "tendency" for boys for to be more grubby and boisterous (which tendency I would dispute anyway frankly).

duchesse · 05/04/2009 21:33

In fact, the mere fact of calling a girl a "tomboy" if she is more into climbing trees and making mud creations than playing housie is damaging and stereotyping in my view. Most children do what is expected of them. If you expect a girl to sit quietly in a corer doing crafts and expect boys to be out swinging from trees and playing football they will tend to conform to those expectations. It would take a seriously strong child to stand up to societal expectations, especially if it is reinforced from all sides- family, friends, media, school....

SuziSeis · 05/04/2009 21:33

as the mother of 5 boys ( and a girl) i feel that western culture is geared towards girl envy

Op i am for you as comments are so annoying but i feel more often than not is is little boys in the firing line

I had no experience of boys before having them but now i have 5 I realise one thing

Boys are people

Mine are not too boyish maybe it is because they have lots of brothers they do not need to be - dont know

Sorrento i wipe my boys noses and they wear clean clothes. Hope they dont marry your dds!

Sorrento · 05/04/2009 21:37

Well that's very lovely of you suzi

chipmonkey · 05/04/2009 21:42

Ripeberry, as a Mum of 4 boys, I can pretty much guarantee that the comment in question was inspired by jealousy! I am very envious of anyone who has a little girl although I adore my boys and wouldn't swap them. My experience is that you would get far more of the same crap if you had only boys.
I remember sitting in a garage waiting for my car to be fixed and got chatting to another Mum who had "one of each" She looked at ds3 who was newborn at the time and said "Ah, the quest for the elusive girl! I was lucky!"
I was fuming and very close to tears!

SuziSeis · 05/04/2009 21:47

surely sorrento you must hope they are gay?

wouldn't want any 'dirt' and 'snot'

SalBySea · 05/04/2009 21:49

well duchess, I think its damaging to not celebrate the natural differences and strengths that shine though each different sex and I think that the flaw in your argument is that gender affects how animals behave too so it cant really be down to the media can it.

males and females have different brains, different bodies and different hormone levels pulsing through them - that does tend them in different directions when it comes to some things!

Sorrento · 05/04/2009 21:52

Too be fair by the time they get to the age of marrying I'd hope they'd be capable of wiping their own noses or else you're right they'd not be getting near my DD's or anyone else's I'd imagine.
I am not anti boys or anti men for that matter but to say they are the under dog in childhood is bollox in my experience, quite the opposite.

SuziSeis · 05/04/2009 21:56

well that is good to hear sorrento

You may choose one of my 5 then and i shall make sure he is clean of nose and nape!

TheMightyBoosh · 05/04/2009 21:59

It's a all one gender family thing

I get it soooo much (4 boys) and actually THIS si waht I am best suited to: I am nto pink and girly and whilst a girl of mine may not be, if she were I would be dazed, frankly (not having any mroe)

Before ds1 was born my Aunt rang me to tell me to have a boy {) as we were an all girl generation; now its the opposite (have only nephews also)- I dont think any offence is emant just the way poeple see it is that mixed is best.

Whereas, IMO, what you HAVE is best!

stillenacht · 05/04/2009 22:16

There is a lot of anti male feeling (and therefore anti boy) by the female led media - a lot of areas of society have overcompensated for the previous bias towards males and have gone too far in the other direction - in the 70's boys were by and large to be celebrated and my mother tells me she really felt this (having 3 girls) and now i feel its gone to the girls. It is wrong to celebrate either gender over the other.

pickupthismess · 05/04/2009 22:25

I agree. I have been thinking of a third but when I discuss it with people they say "but what if it's another boy?"

duchesse · 06/04/2009 08:53

pickup- that's mad! It would be lovely surely to have another boy? So few boys grow up with twoor more brothers these days. Our neighbours have four boys and they are all lovely, caring, sensible boys (well, maybe a bit early to tell with the 1 yr old yet..., but the 9, 7 and 4 yr olds are lovely).

sprogger · 06/04/2009 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Baisey · 06/04/2009 20:30

I have a son, I was once told be glad I dont have a girl because they are "evil"

chipmonkey · 06/04/2009 23:45

Baisey, one of my teachers in my all-girl primary school said girls were nasty! Wrong job or what? My dad was furious!

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