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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset at people who say " you are unlucky to have girls"

99 replies

Ripeberry · 04/04/2009 18:35

Heard it twice this week and then they go on about how wonderfull boys are!
I just believe that you are given what you can cope with and hopefully my girls will be best friends with me when they are older.
For now i'm their mum and i'm very proud of them....so there!

OP posts:

poshsinglemum · 05/04/2009 13:54

lovely

fruitbeard · 05/04/2009 14:24

Awful rude people! I haven't had anyone say this to me since DD's arrival, but when we were going through IVF, FIL gave me a good-luck hug and whispered in my ear "PLEASE try to make it a boy!" - but then his grandsons are all through his daughter so I suppose that it's the family name chestnut... took me aback, though!

Conversely, my friend is Asian and she confessed to me she was so glad she'd had a little boy as it meant 'the pressure is off forever!' (she only wants the one child...)

piscesmoon · 05/04/2009 14:34

There are some funny people about! I get the opposite with all boys.

Springfleurs · 05/04/2009 15:59

I have one of each and everyone said "Ooooh isn't she clever!" .

SalBySea · 05/04/2009 16:15

I think boys are undervalued, I am due to have a boy but have kept that to close friends and family only. To everyone else we have just said that we dont know yet and have come up across only preferences for girls from these people, its so annoying! people assume I am hoping for a girl (I admit that DH and I DID have a preference - for a boy though!)

We are so excited about having a little boy! I am an only child and if I was ever asked if I'd like a brother or a sister when I was a kid I always said that I'd like a little brother. I find it very easy to bond with friend's little boys but find little girls hard work (unless they're tom boys - I was a tom boy myself so just dont get the pinkness and the dollys etc!)

An aunt said that I "have" to have a girl because all my cousins have boys and it would be "boring" to have another boy in the family - all my cousin's boys have very different and lovely personalities and I think there is definately room for another one (that aunt has never even seen my cousin's boys so who is she to be bored of all the boys in the family??)

A friend said that I have to have a girl so I can take it shopping!

and various others have just said "I hope you have a girl", "I have a feeling you'll have a girl, I could see you with a girl" (so what? you cant imagine me parenting boys?) or "are you hoping for a girl?"

I saw a documentary a while back called "wanted, new mum and dad" about kids waiting to be adopted and people who claim to be desperate to be parents often request girls only and there were lots of little boys "left on the shelf"

Deffo a preference for girls these days IMO

ProfYaffle · 05/04/2009 16:19

Re the family name thing, having boys guarantees nothing. My dh is the youngest of 3 boys and pil have no grandchildren with their name. bil1 has no kids, bil2 split from his wife and the children now have her name, and dh refused to give our girls his surname because it's horrid (also quite gynacological so worse on a girl) so they've got my surname.

duchesse · 05/04/2009 16:23

I have some of each and they're all wonderful and different in their own way. Personality seems to have a lot more influence on who they are than their gender.

People just love to put a damper on everything- ignore them, they're just sad(dos).

fizzpops · 05/04/2009 16:52

When I was pregnant I really didn't mind whether I had a boy or a girl but because I have a younger brother I thought I would feel more comfortable with a boy.

As soon as I was told I had a DD I was overjoyed and it felt totally right although a second before I couldn't have cared less. I am now slightly nervous if I have another that it will be a boy as I love my DD so much, but having had that experience I know my reaction will be, 'How wonderful a boy/ girl!' whichever it happens to be.

I also think that girls seem to be more favoured (at least in my circle) for first children. My sister only found out the sex of her baby because she so wanted a girl and wanted to get used to the idea of having a boy (which she did!). I have even heard mothers of boys jokingly say they have 'girl envy'.

What annoys me about these comments is that whatever you say you end up sounding defensive and reinforcing the other person's opinion that you feel you have second best.

cheshirekitty · 05/04/2009 17:40

I love being the mum of a dd. But if I had a ds, I would love being the mum of a ds.

I just love being a mum, fullstop.

mumeeee · 05/04/2009 18:29

YANBU. I have 3 girls and DH and I are proud of them all. DD1 got married last Saturday and she has written DH and I a lovely thank you letter. Thanking us for everything we have done for her.

Sorrento · 05/04/2009 18:32

I want another baby and am actually scarred of having a boy after 3 girls because of other peoples reaction so I hope I have another girl, which is a bit greedy of me as I am sure DH would like a little boy but I personally don't see the attraction of them, they seem to be covered in dirt and snot for the first 5 years.

stillenacht · 05/04/2009 18:33

SalbySea - i TOTALLY agree with you

traceybath · 05/04/2009 18:34

Perhaps you shouldn't try for a fourth sorrento if thats your attitude.

I see as many snotty/dirty girls as boys to be honest.

stillenacht · 05/04/2009 18:34

sorrento - that is exactly the attitude i am talking about re boys in my thread about mothers with daughters..

tbh if i had daughters i prob would feel the same about boys but thankfully i have been enlightened by my sons

Sorrento · 05/04/2009 18:39

I'm sure I'll cope with the dirt and snot thank you very much.
It's the thought of him being held up like the 2nd coming of Christ that turns my stomach, like what are the 4 Grand daughters in our family, spare parts ?
It makes me laugh because in our family there are lots of girls but they are all highly successful, beautiful strong women and the highly prized boys are high school drop outs with children scattered all over the country.

traceybath · 05/04/2009 18:42

As others have said sorrento though there is definitely a bias towards girls in today's society.

Your comment irritated because its just the type of thing that so many people seem to think.

I have 2 boys and am currently pregnant with a girl. Now i am delighted to be having a girl but would have loved another boy too.

Good luck with ttc though

FlorenceofArabia · 05/04/2009 18:59

Oh Sorrento - you do come out with some vacuous crap.

totalmisfit · 05/04/2009 19:09

offs we're all lucky, and we're all lucky that everyone else is lucky iyswim.

Sorrento · 05/04/2009 19:15

Excuse me ? Every family/locality is different and that's my experience that boys are held up as the mini messiahs and girls are 2nd rate, if you disagree feel free to add your experience.

muppety · 05/04/2009 19:17

I have 3 boys and have heard countless times how unlucky I am etc etc. Def girl bias in todays society. Actaully if I had a fourcth would love another boy but couldn't cope with others comments.

TheCrackFox · 05/04/2009 19:24

My boys aren't covered in snot and dirt. In Edinburgh we have hot running water and tissue paper. Maybe they don't have that were you live Sorrento?

Sorrento · 05/04/2009 19:25

FFS

traceybath · 05/04/2009 19:27

Its just silly and pointless to generalise about boys or girls in my opinion. Not all boys are snotty and not all girls love barbie.

I also think the relationship you have with your dc's is down to you rather than what gender they are.

SalBySea · 05/04/2009 19:35

you can generalise a bit! Some things are generally determined by gender!

stillenacht · 05/04/2009 19:43

muppety - totally agree

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