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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

people who are regularly late. Grrrrr

47 replies

potatofactory · 04/04/2009 14:37

Today - an arrangement which was made weeks ago. One person was 40 minutes late even though we were waiting in one, pre-arranged place. She only texted to say she was RUNNING late when she was already 20 minutes late. Three of us were trying to keep our two-year-olds occupied all this time. Another person was over an hour late (we had moved on by this point, but had to have a series of texts and catch up with her when she finally arrived.) Someone asked, sympathetically, if she had had a busy / bad morning. She said (and I quote) 'No - just my usual disorganised self - dd had a lie-in, and then it just took forever to get going.' Grrrr

AIBU??

OP posts:

BrownSuga · 04/04/2009 14:40

nope you're not. We live on an "island" and people here are always late. They openly admit it, if you set something for say 6pm, don't expect anyone to turn up until 6.30-7pm. It's Island Time.

I think we embarrass them with our punctuality

OrmIrian · 04/04/2009 14:42

No. You are not. I hate it too. Of all the friends that we see regularly, 2 are always always late. Often very late. They are good friends so we put up with it - make a joke out of it - but it still rankles a little. We've all got DC, we've all got the usual work/home hassles, how come some of us manage to be on time? It always leave me feeling a bit as if my time isn't as impotant as theirs

Original poster

potatofactory · 04/04/2009 14:42

Thanks! I didn't think I was - ooh - easter faces!

OP posts:

Original poster

potatofactory · 04/04/2009 14:44

The reason you feel like that OrmIrian, is because that's exactly the case. How can it not be?

OP posts:

Wigglesworth · 04/04/2009 14:44

Ormirian your time is impotent?
YANBU I hate lateness it pisses me off too.

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 04/04/2009 14:45

YANBU, punctuality is very important to me. I hate lateness it is donwright rude. I understand that you all had toddlers with you, so there I would give some leeway, but 40 mins and only calling after 20 mins late already, I think you may have guessed by that point

It is a shame for those of you who have amde an effort and your DC

mumnosbest · 04/04/2009 14:45

Oops was that me I'm always late, even if I plan to leave early.

OrmIrian · 04/04/2009 14:46

Actually I said 'impotant' not impotent

thumbbunny · 04/04/2009 14:47

Defo YANBU in cases like this.

I always allow for 5-10 mins lateness in anyone, I think that is ok; but anything over 30 mins is just plain rude (barring incidents and accidents of course) - it's as though their time is more important than yours and you have nothing better to do than wait for them. Rude.

belgo · 04/04/2009 14:48

Yes it's always the same people who are late. And they always have loads of excuses and they genuinely don't seem to understand why they are late.

It's very rude.

paisleyleaf · 04/04/2009 14:48

I can be waiting for literally hours for my sister
she'll ring when she's already an hour late, to say 'sorry, on her way soon'.... then ring again another hour later to say 'sorry, just setting off now' .....and it goes on
We could've done something else in the meantime.
But it's still better than meeting at her place - if I do that I get there at arranged time and find I'm sitting waiting while she showers, makes phonecalls, waters the plants whatever.
oooo she does drive me crackers actually.

Original poster

potatofactory · 04/04/2009 14:49

Just had to check your profile, mumnosbest, to check it wasn't you, otherwise you'd know it was me and I was moaning! Thanks goodness it was nowhere near Doncaster or I would have been the one being

OP posts:

psychomum5 · 04/04/2009 14:59

I am one of those who run late......'psycho-time' flame has coined it.

however, I KNOW this, so adjust my timing accordingly and often tell DH and the children that we have to be at the arranged time for a minimum of half-hour before the actual time.

we are now never late

it is easily sorted, especially if you recognise in yourself the ability to be late. I am super-organised at leaving the house, it is also that I am over-optimistic at how long it takes me. I always seem to think it will take 10mins to get organised, when in reality, with five children argueing etc (and a DH who loses things frequently), I should add 30mins to my estimate. which is what I now do!

thumbbunny · 04/04/2009 14:59

we always tell my sister the meet time is at least half an hour before it really is so that she is usually only half an hour late.

I have an Indian friend who is always late everywhere but she claims this is normal as she is operating to Indian Standard time.

mumnosbest · 04/04/2009 17:25

Hee hee potatofactory. Wasn't me, can honestly say I haven't been late at all this week, only a little on Tuesday and no one was waiting for me so that doesn't cou7nt

HappyBump · 04/04/2009 17:37

It drives me nuts when people are regularly late and then dismiss it as if it is acceptable because that is what you should expect. The text saying ... running late ...is also very rude especially when you receive it when they are already very late.

If the person is a close friend you meet regularly then I would say something along the lines of "it drives me nuts ... or perhaps something more subtle ... but you should say something if it really does upset you. I told a friend of mine that I was quite insulted she felt that her time was so much more important than mine ... she took it in and as a consequence really makes an effort to be on time, it doesn't always work but it does most of the time.

Personally, if she did it regularly and you told her you were upset. I would just tell her that if she wasn't there within the 15 mins of the arranged meet time then you would leave.

Mooseheart · 04/04/2009 17:40

I have to admit to being a little, um, 'unpunctual' at times... but I have a policy whereby if I'm going to be over 15 mins late I call to let them know.

moondog · 04/04/2009 17:45

Mobile phones and texting have just given people an excuse to be even more disorganised and ill mnnered.

potoftea · 04/04/2009 17:50

My dh is always late, so having had so many important occasions ruined for me, by us fighting on the way and being very stressed, we now go seperatly.
But very annoyingly he'll arrive along about half an hour after me and the dc, and will get a great parking space/seat and be delighted with himself.

But I do feel that it is totally selfish of him to keep people waiting. It does seem that he considers his time more valuable than other people's. The dc now tell him they have to be somewhere 10 minutes before they really do, so they won't be arriving late.

dilemma456 · 04/04/2009 18:25

Message withdrawn

Miggsie · 04/04/2009 18:28

YANBU

It drives me mad, nearly everyone I know is unable to get anywhere on time.

I have one friend who is always so reliably late, that if we want to do something at 7:30 we tell her 7, then she will turn up at 7:30.

I'm always early...!

Ivykaty44 · 04/04/2009 18:33

YANBU it is rude - it screams of I can keep you waiting but true, they wouldn't like it if you had decided to go to another venue, as then when they arrived they would have been l;eft looking around for you wondering where you had gone....

Cies · 04/04/2009 18:41

YANBU - it drives me round the bend! DH is like this - he just doesn't calculate how much time it will take him to get somewhere, or he'll base his calculation on his best ever time (i.e. at midnight when there's no traffic). I'm at the other end of the scale, and have also taken to telling him the wrong time just so we arrive at the right time.

Original poster

potatofactory · 04/04/2009 18:42

I'm pleased to share my righteous annoyance with you lovely like-minded people!

It's definitely all the assumptions behind the lateness - that it's O.K. to keep people waiting - it's just so rude - today I could barely be nice to the late-comers once they showed their unapologetic faces! Neither are close friends really, by the way, but regular mum-chum ante-natal people.

Even worse I have met one or two people who think it's CUTE that they're never on time, and view it as part of their ditzy charm

OP posts:

Simplysally · 04/04/2009 18:50

I think it's rude to be constantly late for social arrangements - it's implying that your time is less important than theirs.

I bet most of these people manage to get into work on time or rarely miss a plane .

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