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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

people who are regularly late. Grrrrr

47 replies

potatofactory · 04/04/2009 14:37

Today - an arrangement which was made weeks ago. One person was 40 minutes late even though we were waiting in one, pre-arranged place. She only texted to say she was RUNNING late when she was already 20 minutes late. Three of us were trying to keep our two-year-olds occupied all this time. Another person was over an hour late (we had moved on by this point, but had to have a series of texts and catch up with her when she finally arrived.) Someone asked, sympathetically, if she had had a busy / bad morning. She said (and I quote) 'No - just my usual disorganised self - dd had a lie-in, and then it just took forever to get going.' Grrrr

AIBU??

OP posts:

TrillianEAstraEgg · 04/04/2009 18:55

What I hate the most is when people call to say I'll be there in 5 minutes, when they are more than 5 minutes away and not actually moving in my direction yet.

Give me an accurate estimate of how long you'll be so I know whether to stand here or to go find a cafe to sit in or something. Gradually increasing your lateness with carefully-timed 'now it really is only 5 minutes' is not going to make me forget how late you actually are. It's just going to piss me off.

Pan · 04/04/2009 18:57

Well this is timely. Arranged to see the current MsPan at her house at 6pm. Rushed around today quite a bit (dd at dance practice). Arrive bang on time, avec flowers. No MsPAn. No sign of MsPan. no contact from said MsPan. I know she was out hardware shopping earlier. IS with a relative, so no accident likely.

Just not there, and still no word at 7pm. Left the flowers, and left myself and texted her to say where the flowers are. Still no message.

IT ain't just blokes.

TrillianEAstraEgg · 04/04/2009 19:00

No-one said it was blokes, did they Pan?

(PS hope there wasn't a car accident or anything!)

DesperateHousewifeToo · 04/04/2009 19:02

I think people have different concepts of a meeting time.

If you were to arrange to meet at 7.30pm for example, some would subconciously think 'right I have to be there at 7.30 at the latest'. Others minds would work 'I have to be there at 7.30 at the earliest'.

My mil has often turned up hours early (and often when we were just about to eat so I,ve had to stretch a meal meant for 4 to one for 6. I think being too early without warning is, sometimes, almost as bad.

Have taken to 'being out' until a particular time now to ensure she comes when she says

Pan · 04/04/2009 19:03

no they didn't. Sorry Trillian.

no accident. Just texted to say she did a "dash to tesco"........big deal. I was to fix up her shed that is faling down. So fecking rude.........have a bath,and c-a-l-m.

captainmummy · 04/04/2009 19:03

Actually sally - I have a friend who is always late, she and her dh are the same and she has missed flights because her or her dh has decided to have a bath ffs about 10 mins before they are due to leave.

I would kill them if I lived like that.

KERALA1 · 04/04/2009 19:07

But isnt it just so cute when people are late? Adorably ditzy? Just so avant garde, all it means is that they are relaxed and chilled and you are uptight for minding.
most consistant late people think and it makes me !

Simplysally · 04/04/2009 19:09

I would rather go unwashed than pay for a second flight [smelly emoticon] but seriously that is poor thinking. I'm usually pacing the floor until it's a decent time to leave for the airport (usually 4 hours before the plane departs, for a 50min drive to the airport). I'd rather spend longer in duty free be there in good time than be chasing my own tail.

captainmummy · 04/04/2009 19:17

I agree Sally - I've been stuck in airports for hours, having got there in good time then sat on the tarmac waiting for some fucker being called repeatedly over the Tannoy for our flight which should have left 30 mins ago!!!!(where do these people GO?) anyway, as I understand it, it was her flight and he was to take her to the airport, but decided to bathe first. I think I would have exploded.

Simplysally · 04/04/2009 19:20

Incredible. I think most of them misjudge how long it takes to get from the bar to the gate to give them the benefit of the doubt. I bet if I was delayed just once though, I would be refused boarding!

MadameCastafiore · 04/04/2009 19:21

I was always taught that being late meant that you thought your time was more valuable than the person/s's waiting for you or the others you were inconvieniencing!

SazzlesA · 04/04/2009 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

potatofactory · 04/04/2009 19:32

That's it really SazzlesA - I'm not surprised your friend turned out to be an ex-friend. It's not good friend behaviour to rate someone's time as unimportant, repeatedly.

OMG at the midwife! I would have been fuming

OP posts:

NotSoRampantRabbit · 04/04/2009 19:35

Oh yes - grrrrr to all late people.

I am always on time - barring real incident of life-threatening proportions. It drives DH a little crazy but I hate being late. Brings me out in anxious, twitchy, shoutyness. And it's got worse since I've had children because I know how frustrating it is to to have to entertain a toddler who has been promised something, or who is waiting to go somewhere and do something.

Today for example. Very good friend (always late) and I had arranged to take DS out while DH ripped out kitchen. Plan to be at my house at 1pm. At 1.30pm DS is "helping" DH and living life very dangerously. Friend texts that she is "still" walking her dog and will be another 30 mins. STILL walking her feckin dog EVEN THOUGH she was supposed to be at my house half an hour before she sent msg.

Agree with moony - mobiles, and particularly text msgs give people a sense that it is ok to be ridiculously late because at least they have let you know that they couldn't care less are behind schedule.

And breathe!

SazzlesA · 04/04/2009 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

potatofactory · 04/04/2009 19:39

on your behalf about that, retrospectively SazzlesA!

OP posts:

Original poster

potatofactory · 04/04/2009 19:40

and you, NotSoRampantRabbit !! Walking her dog!! Like that was somehow unavoidable!!

OP posts:

Hassled · 04/04/2009 20:07

I'm with you all on the fuckwittery of the consistently late people - I have a friend who, when he says he'll be at mine for 6, actually means he'll start to think about getting ready to leave his house at 6. It is so RUDE.

But I do feel the need to warn you of the perils of taking things too far the other way - was telling the DCs the other day of the infamous time my father got us to Fishguard to catch a ferry (driving from London) a whopping TEN hours early. He was like an Extreme Sports participant when it came to punctuality .

andirobo · 04/04/2009 22:05

I dont like lateness. If I arrange to be somewhere for a set time, I wil make sure I am there on time, and allow time to park, etc.

It is always the same people who are late - my BIL and SIL are the same - consistently turn up an hour later than they say. They can call and say we are up the road, can we call in to see you - be about 5 mins.... you can guarantee that it will be at least half an hour later before they appear. We tend to ignore any time they say, and quite often it can be around tea time, so we just carry on and prepare tea, eat it, wash up and tidy away, and they are still not there! Now we have two kiddies, it is important to me that they eat at set times, go to bed at the right time, etc, as it suits us as a family. They have 1 kiddie and can be quite often at the shops at 8pm, when my two (who are older) are tucked up in bed fast asleep - their LO doesnt need as much sleep apparently!!

We do not let ourselves get wound up by them, but it is a life skill that I will ensure that my kids learn - we are all equally important, so should turn up on time!

bellavitalikesthesimnellife · 04/04/2009 22:17

We have friends that are constantly late.

One time they were coming over for something to eat and I had said come for 6.00pm they actually turned up at 7.15 because my friend had said she could not put her new book down it was so rivetting .

Now, if we want to eat at say 6.30pm we will say to them be here for 4.00pm - makes life a lot easier and I don't stress as much.

It is still irrating though.

DrowningInChocolateEggs · 04/04/2009 22:29

YANBU it is incredibly annoying. Anyone with DC is probably going to be occasionally, unavoidably late but constant lateness is just rude.

I have one of those friends who is always, always late. Last time we were meant to meet I got home (after waiting nearly an hour and then getting pissed off and going home) to discover she was updating her facebook status with pointless drivel at the time we were meant to be meeting. We haven't seen each other since...

thumbbunny · 04/04/2009 22:57

that thing about "look, I'm always late because I'm so ditzy, get me and my cute little ways" drives me nuts! AAARRRGHHH!!!
In fact, any "studied" ditziness makes me wild with anger - I used to know someone who affected a thoft little voith with a bit of a lithp - until she was drunk, when her strident Brummie came well to the fore, no lisp in sight!

I do agree that turning up early can be almost worse though, especially for e.g. a dinner party - I am always running a few minutes behind myself when hosting at home, and people who rock up an hour early deserve to be murdered! Or, generally, given something to do to help with the preparations.

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