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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss my freedom post dd and to feel guilty for it?

31 replies

poshsinglemum · 04/04/2009 11:36

I love dd and I love being a mum but summer is drawing closer and I am missing my carefree youth when I could sit in sunny beer gardens drinking without a care in the world and jet off to Barcelona with my girlfriends. How ccome i feel so guilty. I love being a mum and i'm really looking foward to going on days out this summer but part of me misses running wild. I'm also feeling fat.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 04/04/2009 11:39

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ConnorTraceptive · 04/04/2009 11:46

I think it's normal tbh I have moments when I feel the same

FiveGoMadInDorset · 04/04/2009 11:47

Very normal.

QuackQuackQuackQuack · 04/04/2009 11:48

I have the same feelings

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 04/04/2009 11:54

Over the winter months you see I didn't feel like this at all and loved cosying up with dd indoors just us two. Now it's almost summer I just want to spread my wings and I can't. I always go a bit mad this time of year. Sap is rising and all that!

Riven. I hope your dd is ok and gets better soon.

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Confuzzeled · 04/04/2009 11:59

I agree with the others, I think it's normal to feel a bit tied down by parenthood.

You'll just have to find someone with a sunny back garden, so kids can run around while you have a glass of wine.

I know how it feels to be bound to responcibilities but you can find pleasures in different ways and when your lo's are grown up you'll be able to do wild things again, my parents do.

Riven, I'm so sorry, I hope your okay.

bellabelly · 04/04/2009 12:02

Poshsinglemum, your post sounds so completely normal! And don't feel guilty about those feelings - who wouldn't miss that feeling of freedom? EVER? Only a saint, I reckon!

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 04/04/2009 12:04

YANBU you are being perfectly normal, what would be bad is if you bottled up these feelings inside and let them fester. Is there any chance you can have a few days of "freedom" whilst your DP/DH looks after your LO.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 04/04/2009 12:04

My friend and I went for a lovely picnic in the park with our babies yesterday. She bought a bottle of Asti Martini to celebrate my birthday and we only had one glass each and we were tipsy. We couldn't drink anymore as we wanted to be sober for our dd's. In the past we would have downed the bottle and headed to a pub or just gone home and been silly.
Damn this growing up milarkey! In all seriousness I think that dd has been good for me in this respect as I did used to drink too much and it wasn't good for me.
I gues sit's the same feeling you get when you are revising for your exams on a scorching day and you walk past abeergarden where everyone else is celebrating the end of theirs.
I can't wait to take dd to the beach this summer though!

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TheHedgeWitch · 04/04/2009 12:09

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compo · 04/04/2009 12:12

tbh I just find a pub garden with a climbing frame and still sip a glass of wine while the dcs have fun

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 04/04/2009 12:15

poshsinglemum don't know if you live anywhere near Farnham but there is a pub there called the spotted cow which has an outdoor area with a fab playarea for the LOs.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 04/04/2009 12:16

yes, you can bring the kids now but you have to drink responsibly- something that i was never very good at! i know- i have to grow up.

Went shopping as in rl shopping to a proper mal in a big city on my birthday as opposed to online shopping and that caused a few pangs.

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Original poster
poshsinglemum · 04/04/2009 12:18

on the other hand, i am quite enjoying the stopping at one or two glasses of wine. it makes me feel in control. just not used to it. dd is only 9 months so as yet cannot frolick on climbing frames etc!

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LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 04/04/2009 12:21

My LO is same age, I do understand where you are coming from. I am just hoping we can do lots of BBQs in the summer with friends with similar age LOs and all the good things I could do that I couldn't if I was stuck at work in the summer pre-baby. Like go to Wisley on a gorgeous day and have a picnic, or sit outside in the garden, or just do gardening on a week day! Have to focus on the (non-aclholic!) postives.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 04/04/2009 12:29

I keep forgetting all the annoying things about pre dd, like having to work on scorching days. now i can swan around with dd in buggy. it's bliss really so i don't understand why i feel like this- i just want to enjoy her. that's why i feel guilty.

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angrypixie · 04/04/2009 12:32

Oh yes, beer gardens and the lunch time drink which lingers until you notice the chill and it's somehow 9pm.

justaboutback · 04/04/2009 12:40

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screamingabdab · 04/04/2009 19:09

Posh Don't feel guilty, you are just mourning some losses. It's just a process you have to go through, and it will get better.

I used to really struggle at holiday time, actually not want to go on holiday, because it would actually be MORE work (just having the same old routines in a different place, with less sleep). Two years running I came home and felt quite down because I hadn't had a real holiday.

Reallytired · 04/04/2009 19:12

I think that its understandable that you miss your pre baby freedom. Most mothers do, and its no reason to feel guilty.

It will get better as children get older and less needy. My seven year old is far more independent than a pre schooler.

I am now going mess things all up again as I am 37 weeks pregnant.

Acinonyx · 04/04/2009 19:25

Carefree youth? I miss my carefree 30s. Oh to sit in a pub garden all afternoon and I'm also fond of a few drinks. And to actually go out in the evening. And real travel. And long lie-ins. And spontaneity.

I wouldn't trade dd in but sometimes I feel thoroughly trapped.

thelionmummy · 04/04/2009 19:29

YABU for feeling guilty - it is perfectly natural to miss your freedom. Its a BIG deal, you can't even walk to the corner shop for a packet of crisps without it being a big performance. Ohhhhhh to sit in the sun garden of the pub with a nice beer and a pub lunch - ah, hang on a minute - it can be done, really - just start em young, they behave terribly well if they are practised.

Habbibu · 04/04/2009 19:41

What I do like is that the novelty of doing these things comes back - dh and I went to the cinema for the first time in ages, and it was like being 14 again, and going out On Your Own, and so much more exciting than it had been before she came along.

screamingabdab · 04/04/2009 19:57

Habbibu I agree, it makes you really appreciate simple things (like reading a whole newspaper, or going on a train on your own, or eating in a restaurant without children)

Other nice things come to replace the things you have lost, though, like going to places you would never have gone to if you didn't have kids, and getting the chance to be a child again yourself.

pamelat · 04/04/2009 19:58

Its awful isn't it.

Sometimes we nip out for a lunch and try to time it with DDs nap (14 months). At home she will have 2 hours but out and about we are lucky to get an hour .....

Derbyshire, lovely sunny day. DH out of work and I dont work Fridays. Drove to a lovely village (only 45 mins) she screamed most of the way because she wants to walk, and only walk. She hates the buggy, being carried, the car or even shoulder rides.

Got her to sleep, arrived pub, ordered lunch. She woke up (after a measley half hour).... argghhhhh!! All I want is an hour to myself!!

I do love her and its not her fault but somtimes it makes you want to run away