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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to clean up after my nanny?

40 replies

Gangle · 02/04/2009 21:47

We have a great nanny who we share with another family. She looks after DS, 12 months, and another baby the same age and splits her time between our house and the other family's house. We are generally happy with her mainly because both babies seem to adore her, however, one thing that drives me mad is her failure to clean up after herself. Really tired of coming home from work and having to pick food up off the floor, wipe down surfaces, put nappy sacks in bin etc. Have asked her gently a few times to make sure all surfaces and the highchairs are wiped down as I hate the thought of DS sitting down to a filthy table for each meal but if I ask she improves for the next few days then forgets again. The babies do make a big mess when they eat but when I have DS I always make sure everything is clean after each meal and also that toys are put away, nappy sacks are put in the dustbin etc. She definitely has time as the babies nap for several hours each day. Running out of gentle hints to give her. Is it too much to expect?

OP posts:
iwontbite · 02/04/2009 21:49

no, i don't think it's too much to expect at all.
can't think of a solution though, other than having a serious talk with her and saying you're unhappy with it and will consider finding a replacement if she can't clean up after herself.

mumblecrumble · 02/04/2009 21:50

Not too much to expect but wondering if there;s anything you could do to help her. Wh I'm at home the only time I have to rest is nap time!

Nightmare coming home to it all though

IwishIwasmorechocolatey · 02/04/2009 21:53

No, YANBU. It's not a lot to ask, nor does it take long.

I think you have to be straight with her and explain that if she can't remember to do it in th long term, then you will have to start looking for a replacement.

ChippingIn · 02/04/2009 22:18

YANBU - not at all.

However, I wouldn't even be thinking 'replacement' though tbh if both the babies are happy with her and you are, other than this one issue.

Not that you would have to in an ideal world, but it isn't so... I would just have a good talk with her and explain to her that you are tired when you get home and part of her job is to make sure you aren't cleaning up after her and the baby/babies. Tell her it's really important to you and ask if there is anything you can do that would make it easier for her to do it and to remember to do it (short of having big signs up everywhere I'm not sure what you'd do, but show willing ).

I am a clean/tidy freak and it would drive me nuts and I would keep telling her until she got the message, even if this meant asking her to do it when you arrive home everytime, if it makes her a little late leaving it might sink in? However, as I said,I wouldn't for a minute consider replacing her.

How do the other family feel?

Original poster
Gangle · 02/04/2009 22:29

Yes, think I have to keep telling her. The other family agree but are a bit more relaxed about tidiness etc than I am. They are more concerned that she cooks one of their meals each day and does laundry once a week whereas I am happy to do cooking and love doing LO's laundry but just really really want her to keep things clean, not only for me but keep thinking it's horrible for DS to sit down to a meal at a manky table. Makes me feel even more guilty for working because, as a mummy, you notice things like that and want the best for them. Will just have to keep telling her or maybe have a serious chat. Just hate confrontation and don't want her to get irked and take it out on DS, not that she would.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gangle · 02/04/2009 22:32

Plus, whenever I am home, I make a big deal about wiping down the surfaces, washing up etc and leaving the kitchen tidy after each meal but think this has given the wrong impression as she now seems to think that I will do it if she doesn't!

OP posts:
sobanoodle · 02/04/2009 22:38

yanbu. Five minutes' work after a meal would be plenty to tidy kitchen area, where they'd been playing etc. And the nappy bags ? Yuk !!

Firm talking to needed, but emphasise good points like how much her charges love her. You are paying her to be on duty and it sounds also like she has plenty of time to recharge during their nap time. Also she is going home (presumably) to a child free environment for more relaxation so no excuses at all.

Original poster
Gangle · 02/04/2009 23:03

Yes, exactly, where as I come home to a bombs site! Is really soul destroying to have to spend half an hour cleaning up after putting DS to bed and before making dinner then doing another few hours work to keep head above water! If she did it as she went along would literally only take a few minutes after each meal as food not dried/crusted into floor. Will have to summons up courage and have a chat with her.

OP posts:
TheYearOfTheCat · 02/04/2009 23:12

TBH I think you may be a teensy BU. You are judging her by your perspective of looking after 1 child. Do not under-estimate the extra work (and chaos) which comes from looking after 2 children this age.

Whilst both babies may sleep during the day, they may not sleep at the same time.

I have 2 DC, and there is a direct negative correlation as to how much time I spend playing with them and how tidy the house is. Would you really want her to spend all the time tidying rather than spend time amusing your DS?

Perhaps a solution may be to suggest to her that when you get in from work, she spends 10 minutes tidying up whilst you play with both babies.

From experience, good nannies are hard to come by, and IMO it is not worth making a huge issue over.

ScottishThistle · 02/04/2009 23:13

Talk to her, it's part of her job and she should be doing it as she goes along! Good luck.

ScottishThistle · 02/04/2009 23:14

She should also have time to do your child's laundry! What does she do when the babies are napping I ask???

salome64 · 02/04/2009 23:17

I think the issue is being clear about your expectations. The fine line between being a nanny, with responsibility for caring for your dcs, and being a cleaner can be a bit grey. And its doubly hard if two families have different expectations. YANBU. It would be unreasonable to ask her to do your laundry (for example). I know some families who have a nanny and a cleaner, because they say they pay for childcare, not cleaning. if you have a lovely nanny who is a bit of a slob, well, what's more important? You aren't paying them to clean to your standards, you are paying them to look after your dcs. It might seem unfair, but its also a bit unfair to expect them to do another job to your standards which is not part of their actual job.

Unless she is acting like a teenager, then just let it go, and do that little bit she leaves and thank heavens you have a lovely nanny. 5 mins tidying is a small price to pay, IME.

Sorrento · 02/04/2009 23:22

How much of a break does she get during the day, you said the baby naps but in terms of sitting down and eating a sandwich or having time out, how much would you say over the course of the day she gets ?
The reason I ask is people get forgetful when they are tired.
I have had two nannies who've actually put my children in danger, I'd swap a unwiped table for one who has common sense and looks after the children.

Original poster
Gangle · 02/04/2009 23:23

They are in a routine and do sleep at the same time for both naps. She certainly seems to have more time in the day than I do when I look after I would of course prefer that she spends time with the babies over tidying but if she doesn't clean up after herself then I have to do it and so it eats into the time I get to spend with DS plus means that I get to bed later which is not great as DS still not sleeping through so I get more and more tired.

OP posts:
ScottishThistle · 02/04/2009 23:26

I disagree, as a Professional Nanny (which she should be) it is part of your job to tidy up after yourself and the children.
I doubt she'd be very happy to arrive at your house if you'd left the breakfast dishes lying, worktops all dirty etc!

Original poster
Gangle · 02/04/2009 23:28

We do have a cleaner once a week. Just want her to leave kitchen etc in the state she found it, nothing more. When she starts in the morning the kitchen is clean, highchairs clean, bottles/cups sterilised ready to go, boiled water ready etc. When she leaves there is food all over the floor, washing up left, highchair with bits of food on, surfaces unwiped etc, no clean bottles or cups for me to use for bedtime. I don't see how you can separate that out from her duty to care for the babies.

OP posts:
Sorrento · 02/04/2009 23:28

But Gangle you're the mother so of course she has more time than you do.
I think you have to decide what's most important about a nanny to you and either get a cleaner too or else clean yourself after the kids have gone to bed or put them in nursery and let somebody else have the mess.

Blarbie · 02/04/2009 23:30

I'm a childminder and in my opinion yanbu. Basic food hygiene requires you clean up after meals. I always have to put nappy sacks in outside bin.
Has she done a food hygiene course? Is she Ofsted registered? Can you find a course and give her time off to attend? Wiping as you go would be required of her in all childcare so you're not being a clean freak to ask her to make sure the floor where your baby may crawl, pick things up and eat etc is clean after meals.

ScottishThistle · 02/04/2009 23:32

Sorrento sorry but I totally disagree.
I'm a Nanny, I look after the children and their environment. I wouldn't dream of leaving dirty worktops, highchairs etc.
It is her job, nursery duties include tidying up at the back of you and it should be as natural as flushing the loo!

Sorrento · 02/04/2009 23:36

Where were you when I needed a nanny ST, I think it's one of those things I would hope for but would let go if everything else was fine, but then really starts to get up your nose once something else goes wrong I guess.
I don't think I'd have another nanny though so am slightly prejudice.

ScottishThistle · 02/04/2009 23:51

I was probably busy working my a** off Sorrento!
I've looked after 3 children under 4 and still Mum came home to a clean, tidy house.

PS. I am currently job seeking, looking for a live-in sole charge position with a baby/twins! Have been looking now for 3 months - I'm fussy!

Ebb · 03/04/2009 12:04

I completely agree with Scottish Thistle. A proffessional nanny will always endeavour to clean up after herself and the children. It's standard nursery duties and basic common courtesy.

I can't bear dirty work surfaces and leaving nappy sacks around is just pure laziness! It doesn't take long to have a quick tidy up especially if both babies sleep at the same.

I would make it clear that, while you think she is fantastic with the children, you expect her to leave the house as she finds it.

flowerybeanbag · 03/04/2009 12:17

YANBU, of course a professional nanny should clean up after herself and the children, leaving the house as she finds it as Ebb says.

My house is always spotless when my nanny leaves work, toys are all tidied away, kitchen surfaces and highchair wiped down, plus she does all his laundry and ironing.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/04/2009 14:50

another nanny here, and i 100% agree with ST and ebb - us professional nannies need to stick together

of course the nanny should clear up after herself and children - esp if as you say you leave her with a tidy kitchen/house in the mornings

it is VERY annoying to come to a dirty house with last nights dinner stuff by sink etc

i always wipe down table, surfaces and highchair, after each meal, put all stuff in dw, and make sure there are always 2 bottles of water for 7pm and 7.30am feed before i leave

i would sweep the floor but the hoover dog take care of that

of course the fact you are happy with her care of your son shouldnt mean you get rid of her, but you do need to make clear that the surfaces,table etc must be cleaned BEFORE she leaves, so if need be for her to clean them once you get home

I would be very pissed off if i left my house tidy and come home to a mess (dh does it - grrrrrrrrr) and it annoys me

2 toddlers is hard work, and sure she deserves a rest, and when my 2 are in bed, that time is my own - my mb is very adament about it

maybe leave a list of stuff,ie wipe surfaces,highchairs and brush floor

MipPieMum · 03/04/2009 15:31

We have a truly wonderful nanny that my DS adores - and my problem is quite the opposite - because her standards are so much higher than mine. I get up before 6 every day to make sure that the house is spotless before she arrives .... The worst moment was in her first week when she was clearly genuinely surprised that it didn't even cross my mind to separate DS's whites from his colours when doing his laundry . Wouldn't change her for the world.