Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at my friend for not coming to my wedding

38 replies

Bubbles01 · 02/04/2009 14:16

I am getting married in a couple of weeks and one of my friends has decided she can't come because she hasn't got a babysitter. This has really annoyed me as I feel shes making excuses. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 02/04/2009 14:18

how old's the baby?

are you particularly close?

Had she already rsvp'd to say she was coming so you've booked and paid for her dinner?

Fairynufff · 02/04/2009 14:18

Is this the other side to the 'my friend won't let me bring my kid to her wedding' post?

Let her bring the child and she'll be there.

MamaG · 02/04/2009 14:18

YABU
If you don't invite children you have to expect some folk can't get sitters. Your wedding, your choice.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 02/04/2009 14:19

Depends on age of child and whether it was your choice that she leave the child at home, or hers (ie did you say No DC at the wedding or did she feel she'd prefer not to bring her DC).

namechangerforareason · 02/04/2009 14:19

YABU

Childcare can be difficult to arrange, I am sure she would be there if possible. Its your day so you enjoy it and you can tell her all about it after honeymoon.
Dont want to be seen as a bridezilla just because 1 friend cant make your big day, Im sure she prob feels rotten about it too.

Worse things in life than a friend not making your wedding. Is there no way she could bring child along for a short time?

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/04/2009 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

flowerybeanbag · 02/04/2009 14:21

Why do you feel that's 'making excuses' rather than an actual reason? Have you got a reason to believe she doesn't want to come anyway so is using that as a reason?

TheCrackFox · 02/04/2009 14:26

You can't have it all your own way. You don't want DCs, she can't get a babysitter so according to your rules she can't come.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 14:27

Fairynuff that was my first thought too

Bubbles did you specify no children or was your friend's child invited?

Original poster
Bubbles01 · 02/04/2009 14:29

No I have informed her that there will be plenty of other young children there

OP posts:
SoupDreggon · 02/04/2009 14:29

Welcome to Mumsnet, Bubbles01.

Shambolic · 02/04/2009 14:30

I think that she is being a bit rubbish then.

YANBU.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/04/2009 14:33

how long has your wedding date been set?

did you make it clear when invites went out that no children were invited?

had she replied before saying yes?

ie if planned several months/year then YANBU for you to want her to come and for your friend to find and plan to have a bs

though maybe she did have one and her plans have gone tits up? it does happen!!

my date was planned year in advance and I would have been upset if one of my good mummy friends didnt come

as it happened my sil didnt manage to get a bs, and in the end her dh looked after the children - my dh was pissed off as his sister had over a year to sort out childcare and she did nothing!!

yet she kept saying both were coming, and we paid for his meal!!

PeachyLikesHerChoccyRabbit · 02/04/2009 14:34

If kids are welcome its a bit sad but tehre might be some other reason (she didnt shag your brother years ago and not have seen him since or somesuch??? )

But generally YANBU

However YABU (U for Unlucky) to have this thread running alongside a non invited children one- fallout may be possible

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/04/2009 14:35

x posts - if you are allowing children then YANBU!!!

she is!!

tho maybe the journey etc is too far, but would be nice if she came and then left in evening if she wanted her child in bed before midnight

SalBySea · 02/04/2009 14:40

YABU, life is such that you cant say yes to everything!

I was invited to more weddings than I could afford to go to last year so one friend had to get a no

My IL's toddler is a smearer and going through a tazmanian devil stage. Very few people can cope with minding her and they dont feel that they can bring him to anything posh

did you really expect EVERYONE to say yes? didnt anyone tell you that everyone gets a few nos?

EasterEggsintheSky · 02/04/2009 14:41

Maybe she just doesn't want to come. Simple as that. She might be a great friend but think that weddings are as dull as ditch water. It is allowed.

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/04/2009 14:42

Ah well in that case, YANBU - how long has she known about it?

Original poster
Bubbles01 · 02/04/2009 14:42

We've had the wedding booked for over a year and she has said she would come - I told her to bring her boy but still she can't make it. The venue is only 10 minutes from her house so even if she came for a couple of hours it would be something.

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 02/04/2009 14:43

No, no, I think that's out of order as well tbh. If she first said that she can't get a babysitter, but you have made it clear that she can bring her boy, then she's making excuses.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/04/2009 14:45

is def making excuses, esp if only 10mins away

have you asked her why she cant/wont come?

did she ever say yes when invites first went out?

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 02/04/2009 14:49

Well there is obviously something else going on here. Have you fallen out about something else? Are you always the one who maintains the friendship (ie if you didn't phone her she would not contat you)? Because it could be that she, actually, doesn't really want to be your friend any more and is trying to distance herself.

jellybeans · 02/04/2009 14:51

YABU If children were not invited I would expect alot of people would not want or be able to go.

sarah293 · 02/04/2009 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jellybeans · 02/04/2009 14:52

Sorry just read kids are welcome, not sure if your friend BU as don't know situation.

Swipe left for the next trending thread