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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not wanting him to go out tonight?

26 replies

Disenchanted3 · 01/04/2009 19:59

Firstly, he never goes out and has beening trying to go to this place on a Wed for weeks.

But I am ill, i have sore throat, headache, feel nausous and DD won't stop crying, other 2 are in bed.

I've felt like this since yesterday when we burried my Grandad.

I just want to go to bed and sleep but I know ill be up with DD for hours

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 01/04/2009 20:00

Could he wait till next Wednesday?

herbietea · 01/04/2009 20:01

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RumourOfAHurricane · 01/04/2009 20:02

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Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 01/04/2009 20:02

He was supposed to go last Wed, but i was too upset to be alone, i think he was going to go week before too but decided himself he couldn't be bothered.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 01/04/2009 20:03

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Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 01/04/2009 20:03

'He' is my husband.

Its an open mic night his mate runs.

OP posts:
ahfeckit · 01/04/2009 20:09

YANBU. Your DH can go another wednesday. YOU are more important than a night out, esp with DD crying, you need a bit help, we all do!
Sorry for the loss of your Granddad.Try and get some rest if you can.

sleeplessinstretford · 01/04/2009 20:50

ok, i am going to stick my head over the parapet-i am sorry you don't feel well and i am also sorry about your grandad. I think you are not being unreasonable as long as you are not one of those women who think that just because they can't\don't go out that their husband shouldn't be able to... if you hand on heart don't prevent him going out with spurious reasons all the time then you are absolutely not being unreasonable but if on the other hand you are a harpie then maybe just a little bit it's the erm boy who cried wolf despite the fact that this week you do have valid reasons...

Boys2mam · 01/04/2009 20:54

"Its an open mic night his mate runs."

this infers its every Weds so he can go nxt wk instead - there, problem solved

YANBU

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 01/04/2009 21:26

Hes gone,

he said 'whats your grandad got to do with it?'

OP posts:
sleeplessinstretford · 01/04/2009 21:35

what a twat-i feel a bit sorry for you- i hope your kid settles and you get some rest. x

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 01/04/2009 22:58

Are you in Stretford Manchester?

OP posts:
ILIVEONBENEFITS · 01/04/2009 23:16

YABU how many other nights when he wants to go out does he need to stay in because you are unhappy/unwell in need of supportand want him to attend to your needs?

Take a paracetomol and let the man go out for once.

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 01/04/2009 23:40

Well hopefully the next time he wants to go out I wont have just burried a close relative and be sick

OP posts:
macdoodle · 01/04/2009 23:49

Sorry disenchanted is this the H you have posted about before - IIRC he seems less than supportive and somewhat of an arse xx

loulou35 · 01/04/2009 23:55

I know things not easy for you at the moment- but i can only suggest if you turn it around a bit and become less woried if hes out or not, and make noises about going out yourself, he might have a bit of a shock Sounds like he takes you for granted a bit, you resent it (makes you feel crap) and he goes out/ whatever anyway cos doesnt 'want to be told what to do'.....make him think the world doesnt revolve around him, and just maybe it will start to revolve around you....... just a thought!!!!

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 01/04/2009 23:57

So this is two weeks running you have tried to stop him from going out, to something he clearly wants to attend, when he hardly ever goes out anyway? I think you just might be in danger of turning into one of those passive-aggressive whiners who always has a reason why other people should just give in to them.

Original poster
Disenchanted3 · 02/04/2009 00:18

I dont want to go out. I don't drink or enjoy pubs/clubs.

I asked him not to go last week because my grandad had just died, this week I just burried him.

Sorry if thats upsetting for me and I would like the support of the man I married.

OP posts:
loulou35 · 02/04/2009 00:28

...have you told the man you love this? if not, do, if not there is a problem- either he is struggling too, or hes being selfish and you gotta ask yourself how much he loves you..... is not a critism but you sound hostile......maybe he needs a break?? p.s. am just anwsering your post and giving my opinion....

ChippingIn · 02/04/2009 01:52

Disenchanted3 - I'm sorry he's being such an arse (and he is), last week your Grandad died and this week you buried him and he asks what this has to do with your Grandad? FFS. You are miserable and sick, DD is crying and needy when you can hardly deal with your own needs and he wants to go to an Open Mic... he needs to grow up.

Solidgoldshaggingbunnies - have you ever had anyone you are close to die? I cannot believe you would call someone in the Op's situation a passive-aggressive whiner... how bitchy.

Iliveonbenefits - presumably her Grandad doesn't die that often and if 3 weeks ago he didn't go because he couldn't be bothered, he's hardly being 'kept home' against his wishes!!

Dis - you are not being unreasonable, the day after your Grandads funeral he should be at home looking after you, even if you are well and DD is asleep - it's what any decent human being would do.

JodieO · 02/04/2009 02:02

Fucking hell how can anyone blame the op when last week a family member died and this week she's ill and upset??!! Sorry but relationships are about more than going every every week or few, if something important comes up, ie this, then you put it off surely? Or am I missing the point of being in a loving and caring partnership?

YANBU

JodieO · 02/04/2009 02:04

Also, SGB, "tried to stop him from going out", any man worth it wouldn't go out and leave their grieving partner when they needed them, especially if they and their children were ill.

ScottishThistle · 02/04/2009 02:13

Feel very sorry for you and also a shame people are slagging you off.
So sorry to hear you've just buried your Grandad, I know only too well how much it hurts to lose a Grandparent.I hope you feel better tomorrow, chin up.

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 02/04/2009 12:44

The OP says her partner has beeng 'trying to go for weeks' and that she 'doesn't like going out'. So yes, he maybe should be a bit more supportive but maybe he's just had enough of it being one thing after another and having her clinging to his trouserlegs every time he wants to go out has made him run out of patience when she really does need support.

ScottishThistle · 02/04/2009 14:35

The OP also said he didn't go 3 weeks ago because he couldn't be bothered.

I'd like to think my husband (if I ever get married) would give me support whilst I'm grieving and ill. I don't think that's too much to ask, a friend would do that for me!

I hope you're feeling better today Disenchanted and that your husbands night out was worth it!