To think that anything other than a children's birthday tea is fuelling an inappropriate sense of entitlement?

[morningpaper]

I love some of the articles in this Catholic U.S. magazine, and this one I thought was pertinent to MN:

"Let Them Just Eat Cake: It's time to rein in the birthday madness and return to some old-fashioned fun, games, and values: We are raising our children to be self-centered little consumers, and we are encouraging the development of a strong sense of entitlement. When your child is a teen, how do you top the princess ball that was held for her at age 4?"

Oh, I hate the over-the-top parties that some of the chldren we know have.
When I were a lass, it was sarnies, crisps, orange juice (must be laughed out of nose) and pass the parcel. Slices of hand woven cake to take home in a napkin afterwards - sorted.

I'm in agreement - judging by some of the threads I've seen on MN and also things in RL there does seem to be an element of competitive partying for los birthdays.
I'm going to try to stay firm with my ds in that it'll be a party at PILs with a simple buffet and cake and his cousins. But whether I'll stay firm on that when he goes to school and says "so-and-so had a build-a-bear/gymnastics/paint balling party" is another matter

When my DD is a teen I suspect she'd rather be anywhere else than with her parents, especially if they try to throw her a princess ball.

Actually the two images simply do not compute.... at all. DD. Princess Ball. Nope. Sorry.

Have to agree really. My neice was lucky enough to have a very fancy birthday party recently involving a stretch limo and new hairstyles for all her friends! Her parents aren't rich, this was a family favour.

I'm glad she had such a great time but I do wonder how she expects future birthdays to be celebrated now.

Also slightly concerned by the whole 'princess' culture. They aren't princesses, they're normal girls who will become normal women.

I had a materially poor childhood in comparison, and I enjoy and savour my luxuries now. But so many of today's kids are at luxury level before they've even left home. Surely adult life will be a disappointment to many of them.

I agree. We won't be going down the 'whole class + entertainment' route. A few friends back for a nice tea and/or an outing. That's a nice enough birthday treat.

But I have found - (having had the 4 year old's princess party,) that now my eldest two are 14 and 11 they don't want a birthday party to top that. Perhaps one friend for a sleep over, or a mooch around town with their mates - the more low key the better.

IME excess gets less as they get older.

So if you have delusions of party planning or love to entertain, I say make the most of it when they are little. Coz all too soon they will be like, whatever...

Oh I so agree - I hate "entertainers". How are children supposed to learn social skills if they are organised and entertained all the time?

I agree that most teenagers won't want pink princess parties etc, but surely they will want their parents to spend as much money as before, with extra for 'age inflation'.

They just won't want it spent on a party. They'll want a pair of Uggs, or the latest fancy phone, or whatever their friends have that is deemed cool.

That is true merrylegs. DD is 10 soon and wants a sleepover and a meal out. The big party thing is well and truly over.

I love getting creative for my 2 dses birthday. Their birthdays are close together and they are close in age, so we have 1 paert for both. I don't spend much, and try to make most things myself (or think of things for the kids to make). I also have an aversion to plastic tat, but this year the kids are taking home water pistols and harmonicas (with cowboy hats & badges too).

I very much doubt they will be expecting a rodeo party when they are teenagers. I hope they do remember the fun we've had -- I know I will.

i totally, totally agree in priciple, but have found this hard, in practice.

dd1 is very sociable and we have relaitives and friends from outside school. she loves the whole ritual of writing party invitations, and we struggle to produce a guest list with fewer than 8 family/ friends from outside school plus about half the class. i am friedns with loads of mums at sch. dd gets invited to lots of parties etc and i feel really under pressure to reciprocate, so as not to offend.

dd2 is much easier and i cant imagine her agonising over a guest list. plus, we know fewer people her age from outside school(2nd child syndrome!)

oh dear, should have previewed that.

should have said 'party'

No princess balls here..

(I've got boys

We just invite 10 or so to one of the party things at the soft play place.

£7 a head inc party bag, food, pass the parcel and photo?

Much cheaper to take them there than do a tea party at home, all over and done with in 2 hours and no clearing up after.

So far its been for his nursery friends but when they start school I won't be doing it for the whole class. If they object then there won't be a party at all, juts pictures and pizza with for birthday boy and his brother.

If you invite the whole class thats 35 invites back, x 2 children... life's too short to spend every farking weekend at some party.

re:the presents instead of party thing -

I can't speak for all teenagers, but in general I find 8 year old DD's birthday list goes on forever - because she still plays with toys

whereas her older brothers tend to be for just one thing - (an ipod this year for one and a cricket bat for the other - both of which will be used a lot).

I think most teenagers are pretty clued up about money and what parents can and can't afford.

Also, younger kids who have parties tend to get loads of presents from guests.

My DS has had four friends turn 14 in the last month and only one of them is doing anything to celebrate (a sleep over). Which means that they don't get any presents outside of family.

Teens really aren't the all-consuming money-grasping self-entitled creatures they may be feared to be!

This terrifies me. I feel sorry for my unborn lo already. I had a party before Christmas and someone said, "Oh how nice that you have done food that people want to eat instead of the usual standard london party food." I realised I had no idea what that was and maybe my food was terribly gauche.
I won't have a clue when lo is having parties and will probably appal him / her by saying things that I think are perfectly reasonable like, "I don't really think we need to have one unicorn for each of the 50 children to ride, certainly not with the gold bridles anyway - what about a nice bouncy castle?" and the child will be like "Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, EVERYONE has unicorns now...." and it will true.

lol at unicorns.

...I laughed with you Vezzie, I still have no clue on this after 8 years and the competitive party thing kills me.

Mine both have birthdays right after Christmas so I am usually brassic and really don't want to hear about how Jordan's parents are throwing him a go-karting party and isnt that cool and can I have one.

My personal favourite was to have a pyjama party in the village hall. All the little girls were predictably in pale pink/lilac pjs etc, and by the time we'd finished with the party games and running all over the hall most of them looked filthy, to the horror of most of the parents.

Still, they had a blast. Probably not the best idea I ever had, but I did feel I had, in some way, scored a point in the battle of party oneupmanship without spending the customary fortune...

I agree with merrylegs that you are not necessarily setting yourself up for party inflation if you push the boat out a bit when they are younger.

DD and all her friends (and friends parents)seem to have agreed that 11 would be the limit of "proper" parties - at least till they were much older. Consequently a few parents in her last year at primary went for a good bash for the last one. We got a stretch - which was vulgar but fun.

Hopwever, since then dd has been more than happy to have a couple of mates for a sleepover.

I should add though that I did love organising something different for the parties and this had nothing to do with one-upmanship. It was just fun!

It doesn't have to cost a firtune.

One of the most successful we had was a craft party where I got realy cheap white T shirts for everyone from Tesco ( about £1 each I think) and some T shirt pens, blank masks and lots of crafty bits and bobs. They loved it and basically evrything they made they took home so didn't really have to bother with novelties for party bags.

I agree with Anniemac. I think people all have their own little 'excesses' - it just varies as to what they are. For example, I do do a big party for my DDs (they share a party usually) because I want to create magical memories for them. However, I don't buy big pressies (I spend £50 max on birthday presents - and that usually includes at least one item of clothing!) But that goes back to my childhood - we didn't have loads of money, but we did have extra special parties. For example, one year I had a pirates party and my dad dressed up as a pirate and we had stocks and threw water bombs at him. I still have a fab memory of that!! Creating fantastic memories does not have to be expensive. Particularly if you don't spend loads on presents - see I am always when I read about people buying their kids bikes for birthday presents etc ... for us, you only really get lots of presents at Christmas. To the extent that my DD1, is busy planning her next birthday party (in Nov) but won't bother having a list of presents she wants. In fact, last year all she asked for was a large cardboard box, bag of peanuts and a barbie doll (Actually, that was her Christmas list - she never made one for her birthday). For us having the focus on the day, on the celebration means that we're not focussing on the presents - for us it is anti - materialistic. But then, I'm not competetive with other mums - I don't care what others do, I just want to give my girls a fab day!

(Oh and finally, these so called ' parties' aren't necessarily all that expensive. For example, round here a gymnastics party is cheaper than a soft play party, which I refuse to do for my DDs)

I think this is the usual stereotyping horse shit.

My children get big parties. well two of them do. But only if they wantthem and as others have said teenagers often don't. Last year DS1 was 15 and he didn't want anything except going out to dinner with us and meeting some friends.

My other son has SN and does not want a party at all. But he happily joins in at his DDs and enjoyed being a fairy last year

I have an entertainer because it means I can concentrate on DS2 if he needs me and when I get a minute I can watch and enjoy or join in as I wish but I am under no pressure to do anything.

From the sounds of it some people may think therefore that big party = competetive. I don't give a shit. If people don't know me/us/ my children well enough to know that whilst they are in many ways priviledged they are not spolit and have no sense of entitlement, then hopefully they will just decline.