Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to feel disappointed about this

30 replies

WildSeahorses · 31/03/2009 11:57

I'm getting married in a few weeks' time. Yesterday, two fairly close friends (who had each previously said they would attend the wedding) emailed me to tell me they had changed their minds and now couldn't make it. One of them is going abroad for the weekend (to visit an old work colleague and to see a military parade while there) and the other is playing in a sports tournament (apparently she didn't mention it before because she didn't think her team would qualify - now that they have, she feels can't let them down by not playing in the tournament). I have replied to both to tell them that we are, naturally, disappointed they can't be there but it's fine (which it really isn't, but I don't see what is to be gained by saying anything else) but AIBU to feel a bit let down by all this, especially as they had both previously said they would be coming?

Also, AIBU to feel that their reasons for not attending are a bit lame? I get that no-one else is going to care about my wedding as much as I do, but this makes me feel like they don't care very much at all. Obviously it's their choice if they come or not, but if I had said I'd attend a close friend's wedding and then later found that it clashed with something else I wanted to do, I would stick with the original plan - this just feels like they are not coming anymore because would prefer to do, rather than having to do, something else...

OP posts:
deanychip · 31/03/2009 12:01

I think that you are bieng a bit precious about it but not unreasonable to feel let down.

It wont REALLY matter will it?? Really?

Why not get together with them both a after the honeymoon for wine and a look over your gorgeous pictures?

iwontbite · 31/03/2009 12:02

awww, no i don't think you're being unreasonable at all, I'd be disappointed as well

TrillianEAstraEgg · 31/03/2009 12:04

YANBU - I would be disappointed too.

In general I would always try to go to the event I had booked first (your wedding) unless the second event was much more important, and weddings come pretty high on my priority list.

I can sympathise more with friend no2, it's very hard to let down a whole team of people, especially since they're probably all very excited about having got far further on in the competition than they expected to.

ComeOVeneer · 31/03/2009 12:05

I don't think you are being precious at all. I think they are being down right rude. I f you make an arrangement, then other than exceptional circumstances (illness etc) it is out of order to cahange your plans because "something better came along".

I'm sure you will have a great day anyway, but it sounds like your frineds need to learn some manners!

MinkyBorage · 31/03/2009 12:05

yanbu to be disappointed, and you definitely did the right thing telling thenm it was fine, but don't be too down about it. Of course they would love to come, ity's just hard fitting everything in sometimes.
Have a brilliant day!

HeadFairy · 31/03/2009 12:05

I can kind of see where you're coming from, but I promise, on your wedding day you won't notice they're not there. You'll be so busy and caught up in the excitement.

I felt ridiculously let down by one of my friends who said he didn't want to come to the wedding as he was scared after the bombings on 7/7 (we got married 2 months later ffs!) but he was happy for his wife to go , and another friend who just didn't turn up, no warning, nothing (so £80 worth of food and drink allocated to him down the swannee - actually I think I drank his booze allowance ) because he'd had a row with his girlfriend. The moral is, people can be ridiculously flippant about your own wedding which means so much to you, but not much to them. It's bad manners on their part, but I would focus on having a great wedding instead.

potoftea · 31/03/2009 12:05

I think the one going to a sports tournament has a point, because she would be letting down others by pulling out of it. (She's letting you down, but would be more important to her team mates, than to you on the day).

However the other friend hasn't much reason for missing the wedding. The trip seems to be planned after the wedding invite was accepted, so I'd be very annoyed with her.

So you should be disappointed, and angry with one but not the other

philopastry · 31/03/2009 12:05

YANBU. They are being a bit thoughtless IMO.

jesuswhatnext · 31/03/2009 12:06

i agree with cov - they are being very rude!

TheCrackFox · 31/03/2009 12:08

YANBU. The reasons given are lame.

You will, however, still have a brilliant day so don't dwell on it.

DandyLioness · 31/03/2009 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LouMacca · 31/03/2009 12:10

YANBU - this is your wedding day! They said that they would attend before these other events came up so I would be very annoyed too.

I also think that sending you an email is very bad form - I would at least expect an phone call with an apology.

Am sure you will have a great day but can totally understand why you feel so disappointed.

Miggsie · 31/03/2009 12:11

I went toa wedding where our (the bride and my) oldest mutual school friend did not attend as she had... already booked to go to the theatre that day.
Strangely, I am still in touch with the bride although neither of us now see the other girl.

I do wonder about people, weddings are quite important events!

I always make an effort to attend them and think it's very rude for someone to plan a trip after they knew the date!

DandyLioness · 31/03/2009 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Wigglesworth · 31/03/2009 12:11

YANBU, I'd be pissed off with them too. We got married in Vegas and our best friends said they would come at first, which we totally didn't expect them to, they got married in Cyprus and we went to their wedding. However then they said they couldn't come because they got pregnant and the baby would have only been 6 months old when we got married so we completely understood that they couldn't make it.
I would feel let down too, their excuses are feeble, are they really good friends or just mates?

Mumcentreplus · 31/03/2009 12:13

Ah well... 2 less people to feed

DandyLioness · 31/03/2009 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ronaldinhio · 31/03/2009 12:18

emailed!!!
emailed!!!

What rude, rude behaviour

YANBU

Original poster
WildSeahorses · 31/03/2009 12:18

Wow! Thanks for all the responses. Am very glad no-one thinks I'm being too bridezilla about this.

Am probably more disappointed about the friend who's in the sports tournament - we had decided to ask her to do a reading, so obviously we have had a change of plans now.

OP posts:
BouncingTurtle · 31/03/2009 12:19

YANBU, or precious. I can sort of understand the friend who will be playing at a sport tournament but your other friend shows a lack of consideration and manners.

Original poster
WildSeahorses · 31/03/2009 12:20

Dandy luckily the caterers don;t want us to confirm final number until a week befeorehand or so, so we won't have to pay for their food.

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 31/03/2009 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mowbraygirl · 31/03/2009 12:37

YANBU. About two weeks before our son's wedding one of my husbands nephews said he wouldn't be coming as his girlfirend had arranged a 'dirty' weekend away for them, and couldn't cancel it. He had know the date of the wedding for 14 months and she knew about it as she went out with him and the kids to buy outfits to wear. He wasn't coming but he wanted his two kids who were aged 11 and 8 to come and made all these arrangements so they could come and put so many people to a lot of trouble. If he had told us earlier we would have invited his ex wife and she could have bought the kids as we were and are still very friendly with her. DH's sister wonders why we got so annoyed about it all, and why we have very little contact with him now. It wasn't as if DH wasn't close to this nephew as DH was only 16 when he was born and as he grew up did so much with and for him saw him through two marriages and divorces and an afair.

wotulookinat · 31/03/2009 12:41

YANBU. I can understand about the lady with the sports tournament, but the one who has just booked herself a break instead is another matter.

June2009 · 31/03/2009 13:04

Are they married themselves, does a wedding mean the same to them as it means to you? Sometime people just don't realise how much organising it takes and how important a day it is.
Our best man told us 2 weeks before the wedding that he wasn't going to make it "sorry guv'".
I don't think I've ever felt so
My wedding plans did not include having to beg hime to come and having to find the £700 needed for his and his gf's plane tickets.
It was a long time before dh forgave him, my friendship with him will never be the same.

Swipe left for the next trending thread