To be annoyed with DH for staying in bed while I walk DH to nursery?

[pavlovthepregnantcat]

DH lost his job. He is not working. I am working 32 hours a week.

Each monday I take DD to nursery on the way to work. Nice walk through the park. DH has a lie in on this day and ALL DAY to himself. I usually get a semblence of a lie-in on friday and sunday.

Every other day, I also get up with DD at around 6:15am ish.

I am pregnant, 7 weeks today, and recently fel shattered. Dr last week said he thinks I might also have a virus. I can do less than half my usual things in a day, and I am 3 times as tired by 5pm. Last night I felt positively unwell as so tired, went to bed at 8pm but could not sleep until 11pm.

I took today off work as annual leave to recover some energy a little. Friday, DD woke at 5am, and came into our bed back to sleep while I was squashed and unable to sleep, while DH slept through it all. DH and DD eventually woke at 7:30am, I had not slept, so I was given my usual 'lie-in' until 8:30am.
Saturday - my choice, I wanted us all up together for a change, so we all got up at 7am.
Sunday - I got up with DD, DH got up at 8am.

This morning. I ask DH if he could get up to take DD to nursery. He said, well yeah I can but I would prefer you did - in a tone which distinctly told me that should I even dare continue this further he would annoyed for the rest of the day. I said 'but it is my day off today' 'so?' he said, in that 'but this is my lie-in day' tone.

I can't be bothered with argument, so got up, its only 2 mins by car, I can veg, whizz DD in, back to bed.

DH then got up, says he left the car at a friends last night, so we have to walk in, 20 mins each way. Which means he got drunk hence the reason he won't get up.

So, he is in bed asleep, I am up, feel tired, have to get DD and me ready, walk in, walk back, and I won't be able to go back to sleep. Her nursery is on the way to work. I might just pop in for a couple of hours while he sleeps.

AIBU to be pissed off? I was really looking forward to staying in bed without listening to cbeebies in the background.

I would be massively pissed off, he is being selfish and lazy. Ugh, I am pissed off for you just reading that. 7 weeks pregnant is soooooo tiring, drunken idiot in bed is so unhelpful, he needs to get his act together.

Does she need to go to nursery if your DH isn't working?
Force his hand and make him do his share.

X x X

I'd go back up and say you left the car, I'm ill and pregnant and tired so you can walk. Or I'd get a taxi!

Thank you, I feel upset actually, more than annoyed.

Bradford - no she does not have to go, but she has gone since she was a baby and loves it. She used to go there twice a week, but now we dropped it to one, to keep continuity and to keep her in touch with her friends (2.8). I don;t normally as I am leaving the house anyway, and the walk is good for us.

I wanted her to go in today, so I could have a rare day to myself, tidy up the house a bit, watch some shite grown up dvds (got second series battlestar galactica which I am really into ).

Thing is, DH is usually considerate. He has his moments, and when he has them they seem to be spectacularly selfish, this is one of them.

I would get him up, I could have just insisted, but it would have caused a serious argument. He would have gone on about how I go to bed early every bloody night, I never asked for a lie-in, how would he know (er, 12 years together, the fact I took the bloody day off, he should have figured it out).

reality - funny you should say that. I let DD put cbeebies on, and it was on really loudly for some reason. I have not made any effort to turn it down.

And we live in a flat. Which means the bedroom is next door to the front room, and the cat opened the bedroom door. shame eh?

I feel your pain. I am working FT at the moment - crappy hours. DP usually works abroad but at the moment is in the UK, not working and is lounging around the-house-- watching telly looking after the DCs. After finishing work at midnight one night last week and consequently not getting into bed until gone 2am, I asked him to get up with the DCs when they woke us up at 7am. He whined "oh I'm tired..."

I do remember the tiredness of early pregnancy though....agree he is being a dick. Make him pay for a taxi seeing as he left the car somewhere or pay for it yourself and then take the money out of something he enjoys doing iyswim.

oh fuck, should have previewed those strikings out.

Tryharder - would love to have him pay for taxi! But its just my income right now. And he does not currently do anything that costs money, as we have cut right back to due to only one income! I could not justify in my head taking a cab literally up the road (to drive, it is very quick, but to walk, you have to go round some houses, over a bridge over a v busy road so takes a while). I took a cab home the other day as he was out and I needed to come home from work after puking all day. Was not going to walk, cost a fiver.

However, it does look ominously like it is going to absolutely chuck it down, so I might not take her until he has got up and got the car, she can just do the afternoon.

Or else, I could go in the rain, get soaked, come back and make him feel terrible for it

and how annoying does your DH sound too?!! what gets into their heads?

The geezer sounds like a prize cunt!! He is not working, yet he feels it is ok to spunk the money YOU earn on alcohol and then not do his fair share of the housework??

Some Serious words need to be had here

LEM - to be fair, he did not spend any money on alcohol. He was visiting a friend who has just got back from USA with some nice booze. He knows not to spend our non-existent money on booze. It was not a planned drinking night, so I am presuming he was offered a manhattan or too and decided to drink, rather than not drink. I would not mind, if he got up and took DD to nursery anyway.

He clearly did not think about the not having the car business.

I am seriously thinking of going into work. The day is fucked as a) if I say something he will get annoyed and we are likely to argue, thus ruining the relaxing day and b) if I don't say anything, I will be annoyed, which means I will say something anyway and we will argue. Either way I am going to be pissed off, so why bother wasting annual leave day.

ok so i will grade down his status from cunt to plonker

I thnk I would got to work and have a day off with a more relaxing start if I were you!

DP redeemed himself the other night by doing all the ironing... but yes, he is on the whole a selfish person (or am I too giving??). He also sees childcare as "work" from which he deserves time off and holidays, when in fact, childcare is something I do I'm not at my paid employment and I have no expectation of any "me time" or time to lie in.

Pavlov, I agree with you, go into work and save your AL for a day when the weather is better and you have a car and then go somewhere really nice with your DD. Don't tell your DH and then when he complains, be all wide-eyed and say "Oh I thought you liked a like-in on a Monday??"

That should be lie-in...

Sorry, am currently at work - started at 6am!!! Have to go and make myself a very strong cup of coffee.

i'd tell my dh to fuck off and die

YANBU. You need to get a grip of this situation and start rearranging things so there is a more equal divisions of labour.

First thing is he gets up when you get up EVERY day. Then he does everything in the house, cook, clean, deliver kids to school/nursery and all shopping. When he has finished that he gets on with looking for a job.

Sorry, but a bloke laying about at home all day doing nothing is no good for either of you if you are working and pregnant.

Which reminds me. I need to get on with filing and sorting our end of year tax issues today. Better have beds made and kitchen tidy and the tax files out and looking busy before wife comes back from delivering kids to camp.
By chipkid on Mon 30-Mar-09 09:23:00

Well, that went well.
I went to get DD some trousers from bedroom. I shall give you an edited version, attempting not to edit in my favour.

him: 'whats up with you'
me: you know what is up
him: No i don't
me: well, let me tell you then, I am upset as I have the day off today and wanted to stay in bed, and you would not take DD in to nursery and to top it off I don't even have a car.
him: oh is that all. ffs, and now you are furious?! thats right, thats what you do isn't it, get furious, ruin the day, that sorts everything out. I will take DD to nursery.
me: Don't bother, I am up and dressed now. I had wanted not to get up, so now I am, it makes no difference.
him: Right, so you want to take her in so that you get to be furious all day now, right. I am sick of your attitude, what gives you the right to be furious at me?
me (angry): Firstly I am not furious, I am upset. Secondly, I am tired, I wanted a lie-in, I wanted you to take DD to nursery. I took today off to recoup som energy.
him: you been in bed 'recouping' for the last 12 hours. you are always in bed. When do I get to stay in bed? I have 6 hours to your 12, I am not complaining.
me: That is your choice, you choice to come to bed late. I am pregnant. I am tired, and not well, I cannot help it, you can.

on it goes.

I ask for the car keys. He tells me he lent the car to friend so he can take his girlfriend to Drs as their car is not working - she has broken both legs in skiing accident and they have just returned from USA. Fair enough. But I did not not accuse him of getting pissed anyway, did not mention it to him.

He rants on and on about how I think it is all about me, and I said perhaps it is. I work all week, I am tired, and not well, and I just wanted a lie-in. He told me he is sick of my attitude. I told him I was taking DD to nursery and likely not coming home and walked off.
He followed me into the street. Told me to come back after DD dropped at nursery as it aint going to get sorted by me fucking off in a sulk. I said fine I will come back and lets argue some more. why not.

He said why should I get a lie in anyway, and I said because I work all week and you don't, you get to lie in ever day until I am ready to leave for work so until 8am. He said oh fucking great, fucking great attitude, I can't help not having a job so I have to do everything now do I? Yer, yes. you do.

You know what, he said 'I can barely stand to be around you at the moment'

hmm] . He is now out.

ABetaDad - see that is how I saw it was going to be. That is how he promised it would be. He promised me when he lost his job that he would take anything he was offered, and in the meantime, he would draw up a rota for what he needs to do, and keep the flat in tiptop condition until he was working again.

All fucking hot air and smoke up my ass. He tries with the cleaning, but clearly the reason he needs a rota is he is not good at it. There is no clean clothes for DD, I managed to scrabble together the last of her clean clothes this morning, I have not been up for doing anything. He put on washing at the weekend, but it is still waiting to be hung up.

He has, while I went back to bed, started on a job application that needs to be in tomorrow, and put another lot of washing on. wow.

I don't really know now where to start with sorting this mess out. Right now I don't even want to speak to him.

I should have gone into work. But it meant coming home from taking DD to nursery, showering, risking conversation which would equal shouting match at him, then get into work, probably puke a bit and then come home to a shit hole.

So, instead, I came home, went straight to bed, luckily he did not come in to talk to me. He then went out at 11am to get the car/whatever. Last thing he said to me is he was also going out. Fucking good. stay out.

I am contemplating cleaning the flat as it is a mess. But I am also contempating putting my washing on and some for DD. sod the rest of the house. I might just stay in bed all day.

He sounds quite depressed to me- the poor man has just lost his job! You may want to keep an eye on him and suggest he makes a GP appointment if he continues listless like this. I'm afraid you may have to be strong for both of you until he's feeling a bit more positive again. Do remind him that you are pregnant though, and more tired than usual, but try not to get cross with him.

He is an arse.