To be annoyed with DH for staying in bed while I walk DH to nursery?

[pavlovthepregnantcat]

DH lost his job. He is not working. I am working 32 hours a week.

Each monday I take DD to nursery on the way to work. Nice walk through the park. DH has a lie in on this day and ALL DAY to himself. I usually get a semblence of a lie-in on friday and sunday.

Every other day, I also get up with DD at around 6:15am ish.

I am pregnant, 7 weeks today, and recently fel shattered. Dr last week said he thinks I might also have a virus. I can do less than half my usual things in a day, and I am 3 times as tired by 5pm. Last night I felt positively unwell as so tired, went to bed at 8pm but could not sleep until 11pm.

I took today off work as annual leave to recover some energy a little. Friday, DD woke at 5am, and came into our bed back to sleep while I was squashed and unable to sleep, while DH slept through it all. DH and DD eventually woke at 7:30am, I had not slept, so I was given my usual 'lie-in' until 8:30am.
Saturday - my choice, I wanted us all up together for a change, so we all got up at 7am.
Sunday - I got up with DD, DH got up at 8am.

This morning. I ask DH if he could get up to take DD to nursery. He said, well yeah I can but I would prefer you did - in a tone which distinctly told me that should I even dare continue this further he would annoyed for the rest of the day. I said 'but it is my day off today' 'so?' he said, in that 'but this is my lie-in day' tone.

I can't be bothered with argument, so got up, its only 2 mins by car, I can veg, whizz DD in, back to bed.

DH then got up, says he left the car at a friends last night, so we have to walk in, 20 mins each way. Which means he got drunk hence the reason he won't get up.

So, he is in bed asleep, I am up, feel tired, have to get DD and me ready, walk in, walk back, and I won't be able to go back to sleep. Her nursery is on the way to work. I might just pop in for a couple of hours while he sleeps.

AIBU to be pissed off? I was really looking forward to staying in bed without listening to cbeebies in the background.

duchese - I would agree, if he made any effort whatsoever to do something about it. I am sure he is not happy about losing his job. I understand he might be depressed. But that gives him absolutely no right whatsoever to talk to me like this, or to tell me he can barely stand me! FFS!

He has been out of work before. I have kept this family going before. I am always strong for us. Luckily I don't suffer from depression, otherwise we would lose everything.

I know pavlov- depression is a terribly destructive thing. Can you reason with him when he's in this state? Maybe encourage him to see the quack sooner rather than later?

Or change the locks while he is out??? Sorry, that is harsh, but he needs a kick up the arse if he thinks it is ok to be so lazy and then talk to you like that.

well. He is now washing the kitchen floor

Sorry Duchese, I know he is finding not working hard. But to be honest I am too angry to be understanding and nice.

I gave him what for. I don;t normally get so angry. But I got very very angry with him. He tried reasoning with me. I was not in the mood for being rational and told him so. He has said some quite horrible things to me. So I told him either he dealt with me angry or not at all. I told him that he did not have to stick around and 'barely stand me' he could go out if he wanted

He apologised for saying he could barely stand me, but said I have been difficult to live with. I told him an apology does not cut it. He said it, he clearly felt it was true. So he could stick his apology .

Its not sorted, he still thinks i am being unreasonable, but my continued anger and refusal to sort it out with cups of tea and a chat I think has started to make him see I am not a happy bunny and, and he is being somewhat conciliatory for now. I am not normally this angry with him.

I also told him if I am sleeping according to him 12 hours a day, working 9 hours, and he is in bed for hour in the morning, that only leaves 2 hours that he has to deal with me being difficult, that clearly he has a short patience span if he can't stand me after just 2 hours of my time!

duchesse - sorry, I am normally a bit more understanding of the bloke's position on may threads as compared to many posters but I have been redundant and it is hard to get motivated but just laying in bed will solve nothing.

I am afraid that the DH in this case should hang his head in shame. Glad to see he cleaned the floor but leaving the laundry so there is nothing left to wear is just a total lack of focus. Not so depressed he could not go out drinking though was he?

Goodness me. I work at home with my wife, we share everything. She delivered the kids to holiday camp this morning and I made the beds, sorted the washing tidied the kitchen and sorted out her and my pension contribution, as well as a variety of tax issues before she got home. Cooked lunch as well.

It just takes an attitude of mind. Now I am having a bit of a break but am off to get the kids later, I wil be cleaning the carpets downstairs on Wednesday and a load of other jobs in between as well as hopefully making some money.

Sorry no sympathy at all for slovenly blokes not making an effort. He needs shaming into action and pavlov is right to be angry. He seems to have broken his promise.

I agree with ABetaDad - he slovenly and being downright selfish to boot. You are well-justified in your anger.

Do your and DD's washing, if you feel you have to, but leave his to rot....

"He tells me he lent the car to friend so he can take his girlfriend to Drs as their car is not working"

Is this friend insured on your car, by the way?

notplaying - yes he is insured to drive our car. I work for probation - DH knows better than to even contemplate letting anyone drive our car uninsured. I would string him up by the balls and he knows it. (I have been known to take car keys off a friend before who wanted to drive after a couple of drinks, not drunk, but over the limit - if they wanna break the law, fine, but not on my watch).

We went out for a coffee. He has cleaned the kicthen from top to bottom, and the bathroom. Two loads of washing. It might not last long, but its a start.

We do need to talk it out properly, as I have spoken in anger, not with the clarity of calmness. And I need to listen to him too I guess. But not today. I am absolutely bloody exhausted, going out for a coffee has knackered me beyond belief, no kidding.

Funny, all my work evolves around assertiveness, decent problem solving skills, coping with problems without aggression etc, doing the right thing. Funny that the only way I could get my DH to listen is to do the very thing I teach my offenders not to do - blow my top and lose it.

ABetaDad - I appreciate your response, as everyones support. It is good to hear it from a male point of view.