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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge my sister decorating fees?

39 replies

twinsetandpearls · 29/03/2009 10:10

My sister and her friend agreed to rent our house at a subsidised rent. Because I knew they were broke I said they did not have to pay a deposit.

They asked if they could repaint the spare room for her friends son ( it was pink) and a wall in the master bedroom. I said OK but if it was not acceptable they would have to paint it back at their own cost.

A week later her friend runs of not having paid any rent, stolen things from the house and owing my mum money, and leaves a string of threatening phone calls.

My sister tries to get me to do a fraudulant housing benefit claim for her saying she pays £700 rent rather than £200, we refuse.

Being soft I allow my sister to stay even though she is not covering a third of the mortgage, because we think she will look after the house. Months go with by with viewings but no offer. My sister moans about the viewings, can never be there when one is happening.

My sister has not paid any rent when she has been there as my mum has paid it all for her. She left two weeks ago saying she could not afford to stay (bills ) and was going to stay with her dad as it was free.

We had a viewing last week from a lady who had the money to go no chain and really wanted our house. She turned up and was shocked, my sister has left stuff all over the house when she had moved out, it smelt, the gardens were over run, old fire works everywhere and litter, the rooms that she and her friend had decorated have been done really badly. Not even painted to the ceiling, over skirting boards and awful dark colours. No offer was made.

My dp is having to take unpaid leave to sort the house out including redecorating and the six hour drive each way. I have asker her to pay for the paint. She said no as it was her friend that had done the damage. I said she has to take responsibilty. She agrees but then phones a friend and my mum to rant about it and is now moaning about me on facebook.

I dont want to fall out over paint but I do think she needs to take responsibilty. Should I forget it and pay for the paint, which we will struggle to do.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 29/03/2009 10:13

of course YANBU

but do you think she will actually pay up?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 29/03/2009 10:14

Yes I do.

I am not sure, her room is fine it is the painting her friend has done and tbh we should never have allowed it.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 29/03/2009 10:15

do you have the friend's contact details?

it sounds like they have really been poor tenants and they should pay up (especially as they didn't even have to pay a deposit which you could have kept to cover stuff like this)

ruty · 29/03/2009 10:15

YANBU but i think the struggle to get her to pay will be stressful and probably fruitless.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 29/03/2009 10:17

No the friend has done a flit and is also a bit psychotic with some dangerous friends.

OP posts:
magentadreamer · 29/03/2009 10:17

Personally I'd be asking for petrol money as well! Your sister needs to grow up and realise you were doing her a very big favour by allowing her to live there at a very reduced rent. She's trashed the place so should be made to foot the bill to tidy it up. Unfortunately it doesn't sound as if you're going to get any money out of her!

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 29/03/2009 10:17

It wont be fruitless but it will cause stress

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 29/03/2009 10:18

definitely yanbu, particular as she made fuck all effort to tidy the place up before she left.

ruty · 29/03/2009 10:18

if it won't be fruitless and you can cope with the stress of course you should pursue it.

PuppyMonkey · 29/03/2009 10:19

It will be just your mum that ends up paying for it though.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 29/03/2009 10:20

I just dont think it is worth falling out over. Dp says I am being soft.

OP posts:
smellybulldog · 29/03/2009 10:21

YANBU but this thing is bigger than just some money for paint its about complete disprespect for you, your husband, your property, your mum. I think you will get even more stressed trying to get a few quid out of her for some paint. Unfortunately I think you may have to just cut your losses, chalk it up to experience and just not bother helping her out again. Keep your distance from her for a while, calm down and move on. One day she will grow up when she gets a place of her own she will feel very bad about this.

brettgirl2 · 29/03/2009 10:21

YANBU, in fact TS you are being MORE than reasonable!

Even if she didn't do the painting, she left the rubbish strewn around so the paint seems like a reasonable compromise to me.

rubyslippers · 29/03/2009 10:21

i think if you think you can get the money back then do it

why should you be even more out of pocket?

the mess is stopping you renting your house out

Hassled · 29/03/2009 10:24

Could you have words with your parents, both of whom seem to be sheltering her to an extent, re quite how crap she's been? You could even argue that she owes a percentage of mortgage payments between the golden opportunity last week that she managed to cock up for you, and when the house actually sells.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 29/03/2009 10:27

My mum is furious and is not speaking to her. I have told my mum not to give her the decorating money

OP posts:
Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 29/03/2009 10:27

I am not trying to rent it out I want to sell. This whole process has put me off renting it out.

OP posts:
shootfromthehip · 29/03/2009 10:32

My brother-in-law trashed a house that we had years ago and it took us ages and a lot of money (which he promised to give us) to sort out... we're still waiting 11 yrs on. And he owes us 6 mths rent too

I think you should cut your losses and accept that doing your own sister a favour came back to bite you

Selling is a better option. Good luck

WhoTookMyMemoryStick · 29/03/2009 10:43

No wonder your dh thinks you are being soft! The actions of your sister and friend sound selfish and greedy and have already cost your own family cash. Poor bloke, driving all that way to sort out someone elses shit whilst you don't think it's a big deal.

Is she very young?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 29/03/2009 10:45

I didnt say I dont think it is a big deal, I do!

She is 22.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 29/03/2009 10:52

How old is your sister, twinset?
Is she usually a respectable and decent person?

I think you should go see your sister in person and explain the situation to her calmly. Tell her what a risk you took, letting her rent without any deposit, without her rent covering the mortgage so in fact you were subsidising her, how you saw it as helping her out with really nice accommodation, how you were even willing to let her friend with child live there and they could redecorate to suit her child.

Tell her how much you have lost on doing this for her. How she has sabotaged the viewings by keeping the house in a mess, by not being present for viewings, by leaving the house in such a state that it needs redecorating and your husband driving back and forth so much to do the job.

Ask her, does she feel that she has treated you fairly?

How would she react if somebody treated her, and her home that way?

Ask her if she thinks this is worth falling out over and losing a siter over?

Ask her how she plans to rectify the situation.

I wouldnt "bang on about" the money side and how hard up you are. She wont see you as hard up, I reckon. It might just make her head pop and make her unwilling to see her own side of this. I wouldnt bring up "taking responsibility either" as I suspect she would not take kindly to be "patronised" as I am sure she will see it that way.

Such a shame your kindness have been taken advantage off.

LaDiDaDi · 29/03/2009 10:56

YANBU and you've already been more than accommodating to her.

that this has happened to you when you were trying to help her out.

bubblerock · 29/03/2009 11:07

Are there no friends left up here who can go and tidy the place up Twinset? I'd do it, but obviously you don't know me. TBH I cant see you getting any money out of your sister & friend even though they should pay - it must be very frustrating for you

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 29/03/2009 11:19

Thanks bubble, we have friends who have offered to help but we want at lest dp to be there to check. My mum has been overseeing the house and had not said how bad it was, so we want to regain control if that makes sense.

OP posts:
MarlaSinger · 29/03/2009 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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