Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want dp to go on a family holiday abroad?

31 replies

LaDiDaDi · 28/03/2009 13:48

Dp doesn't like flying, in fact he really hates it and looks ill whenever he's on a plane so he said that this year he really didn't want to go on holiday abroad.

This would be ok but....

He has booked to go on a stag do to Amsterdamn (flying) and plans to go to another in Berlin (flying) in September. He says that they are "totally different" to a family holiday.
I agree that they are, one will be booze fuelled fun with the lads the other will be a quiet time by the pool with dd and me, but imo if he can fly to do what he wants, stag do, then he can fly for a family holiday too.

He also says that if he gets stressed/anxious when away on the stags then he can fly straight home which he couldn't do on a family holiday abroad. I have pointed out to him that if we go on a family holiday in the UK then I will be mightily peed off if he decides he needs to go home half way through and will not want to cut short mine and dd's holiday.

Dd and I will not have any other holiday this year and my proposed holiday is a week in Puerto Pollensa so I'm hardly asking him to fly half way round the world.

So, go for it, AIBU?? I just can't decide if I am and this comes on a background of me feeling like I compromise much more than dp does in our relationship and not being sure if I'm letting that cloud my judgement over this particular issue iyswim.

OP posts:
ilove · 28/03/2009 13:51

YANBU if he is flying for 2 stag do's.

mamas12 · 28/03/2009 14:15

YANBU
He needs to grow up. It does not compute that he can fly and then he can't fly!!!
Why don't you go away and leave him with the dc for two weekends or at least plan to in front of him with diaries and everything. Point out it's only fair because that will be the only holiday you will be getting.

solidgoldbrass · 28/03/2009 15:02

Does he generally feel that he is the important one in the relationship and therefore he can do what he likes in his 'free' time (ie when he isn't at work)? Apart from holidays, do you both get free time (ie childfree time) to do things for yourselves? SOme men seem to think that their 'family' ie partner and children are toys that can be played with for a while and then just left in the box for a bit.

HolyGuacamole · 28/03/2009 15:27

YANBU.

If it is the flying he doesn't like, then why would he choose to fly home halfway thru a stag do? I don't think he'd do that by the way but surely flying is the thing he is trying to avoid so why bring it forward? People usually try to put off things they don't like doing.

For example, what if you told him you had a sitter for the kids and were planning a 3 day crazy drink fuelled break for the two of you, would that be different? Or would it only be 'fun' if it were with the lads cos that's what lads do (apparently)?

Lulumama · 28/03/2009 15:33

he is flying for two stag dos abroad, but won;t fly for a family holiday what he means is, he can;'t be bothered helpign keep a child entertained on a plane

the flying home if he is stressed/anxious seems a bit odd? that is nothing to do with the flying but being away from home?

does he have underlying anxiety issues>

Original poster
LaDiDaDi · 28/03/2009 17:00

Yes he does have underlying anxiety issues but again I can't see how these are only going to be an issue on our joint holiday.

SGB, I get less time to myself than he does but generally I want less tbh as I work fulltime so when I'm not at work I would rather be with dd whenever possible in the daytime. We both go out in the evenings though again me less than him but a lot of that is choice ie I can't be arsed.

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 28/03/2009 17:24

YANBU. He is taking the piss!

LibrasJusticeLeagueofBiscuits · 28/03/2009 17:31

Not only YANBU he is being a dickhead, if you hate flying you hate flying whether there is a stag do or a family holiday at the end of the flight. He is making excuses, tell him to grow up and tell you the real reasons he doesn't want to go on holiday.

aGalChangedHerName · 28/03/2009 17:36

YANBU

Book the holiday for you and dd and go alone. I wouldn't miss out on a holiday just because he is being an arse!!

ZZZen · 28/03/2009 17:37

is he worried about something happening to the dc maybe - thinking plane crashes, hijacks? Otherwise sounds a bit odd to me

Original poster
LaDiDaDi · 28/03/2009 17:41

I'm thinking of doing that aGal, but I'd book it for all of us and tell him to choose if he comes or not. Just really dislike ulimatum type stuff.

OP posts:
aGalChangedHerName · 28/03/2009 18:08

Yes book it for 3 of you. If he doesn't come with you do you have a friend that would go? Or your mum?

Kimi · 28/03/2009 18:15

YANBU go without him

tigermoth · 28/03/2009 18:20

Sounds very odd to me. YANBU.

So, what exactly does he intend to do if you and your child go away for a week? What exactly is he up to here? Do you think he's trying to find a way to have a week alone from you and your dc?

What's his reaction to you all having a family holiday in the UK? Does he suddenly develop a fear or driving long distances?

I'd be tempted to push the UK holiday option just to see how he reacts. If he seems really keen to go on a UK holiday with you, then well, yes, perhaps on some level he fears the flight abroad with you and your dc.

But if he is lukewarm about any family holiday arrangement, then I'd be very suspicious.

fluffles · 28/03/2009 18:25

call his bluff by booking a family holiday by train

eurostar to paris then overnight to wherever (i've done this to barcelona)

or book the car onto the eurostar

that'll soon sort out whether this has anything to do with flying or not.

TheCrackFox · 28/03/2009 18:31

YANBU.

I am a total cow and I would be tempted to "lose" his passport the day before the stag do.

He does like flying but he doesn't like family holidays.

Kimi · 28/03/2009 18:32

I like the lost passport idea...you are my new hero on mumsnet

QuantitativeMeasure · 28/03/2009 18:32

He sounds really selfish.

LIZS · 28/03/2009 18:35

If he can fly to Berlin he can fly to Majorca. Sounds like he just doesn't want the hassle of having fmaily in tow

rookiemater · 28/03/2009 18:47

He is being crap. Do what tigermoth suggests or go somewhere like Cornwall which fingers crossed will be warm i nthe summer where you and the DCs can fly to and he can drive if he likes.

But generally he sounds like selfish twit.

tigermoth · 28/03/2009 19:42

Your dh's excuse is really irritating me! It's insulting your intelligence IMO. If my dh told me he was afraid to fly off for a family holiday but was braving the flight to a stag do, I'd tell him he must think I am stupid!

Ok I can see there could be other legititamat reasons why he's so against a family holiday abroad, but he must tell you the truth! He can't fob you off with this silly reason.

ZZZen · 28/03/2009 19:43

have you ever flown with him, just the two of you pre-kids?

tigermoth · 28/03/2009 19:43

and I like the idea of calling his bluff by sorting out a train/ferry holiday abroad.

shinyshoes · 28/03/2009 19:45

He sounds lie a selfish twunt.

Flying for 2 stag do's but not for a family holiday. I'd be tempted to hide hos passport for these stag do's. Failing that i'd give him some sort of ultimtum. (on't know what though )

DP wouldn't dare have the nerve to suggest such a thing.

I'd sprinkle chilli powder on his knob while he slept

Ivykaty44 · 28/03/2009 19:46

Go on holiday aborad with your dd and then go again in October and fly somewhere further let him stay home alone and work whilst you have a lovely time.

Dont get to hung up on family holidays, go with what you want to do if thats what suits you all.

Swipe left for the next trending thread