To want dp to go on a family holiday abroad?

[LaDiDaDi]

Dp doesn't like flying, in fact he really hates it and looks ill whenever he's on a plane so he said that this year he really didn't want to go on holiday abroad.

This would be ok but....

He has booked to go on a stag do to Amsterdamn (flying) and plans to go to another in Berlin (flying) in September. He says that they are "totally different" to a family holiday.
I agree that they are, one will be booze fuelled fun with the lads the other will be a quiet time by the pool with dd and me, but imo if he can fly to do what he wants, stag do, then he can fly for a family holiday too.

He also says that if he gets stressed/anxious when away on the stags then he can fly straight home which he couldn't do on a family holiday abroad. I have pointed out to him that if we go on a family holiday in the UK then I will be mightily peed off if he decides he needs to go home half way through and will not want to cut short mine and dd's holiday.

Dd and I will not have any other holiday this year and my proposed holiday is a week in Puerto Pollensa so I'm hardly asking him to fly half way round the world.

So, go for it, AIBU?? I just can't decide if I am and this comes on a background of me feeling like I compromise much more than dp does in our relationship and not being sure if I'm letting that cloud my judgement over this particular issue iyswim.

tis a great way to travel and much nicer than planes and airports

Well, we had a good talk about this last night. He'd talked to his mates about it who actually agreed with all of you that IANBU.

This seemed to make him think again more than anything that I could say but at outcome.

He feels that he has a panic disorder whereby he needs to feel that he can escape from a stressful situation and that this, in his opinion, makes a slightly longer flight and the organisation of a family holiday much more stressful. He feels, rightly too, that if he pulled out of the stag at the last minute or left really early then whilst his friends might think it was odd or be a bit annoyed really it wouldn't matter to them and they would have a good time anyway. On the other hand he feels that the stress of flying for a holiday with dd and me is so much more because he can't get out of it without it having a huge fall-out for him in terms of my reaction.

He was also still annoyed and upset with me because I handled things badly last year when when we were away ajnd he had a panic attack. I apologised again and explained that at the time I was at the end of my tether with him because he wasn't trying to help himself with his anxiety by doing what the doctor had suggested and attending his psychology appts.

Anyway he seems to have decided to try to overcome his fears and go for the family holiday abroad as well as the stag dos. Hoping it all works out.

Thanks.

That's really good to hear

It's sounds like there is a genuine fear there somewhere, even if not the actual fear of flying. And from what you say, your dh knows what treatment to get for it, even if he has missed appointments.

Do you think the more he faces his fears - ie going on three trips abroad this year - the more he can overcome them.

If you all have a lovely holiday abroad, then hopefully he won't feel so worried about going with you again.

I do worry that his fears can boarder on manipulation - you have to be sympathetic and helpful, without giving in to them. The sheer fact he could talk about going on a stag do and not going on a family holiday shows he is not always thinking straight, and so you must make sure you do!

A bit of hypnotherapy as well? Can really help panic attacks

Yes tigermoth, I think I do have to consider that. It's very hard when you know that the other person's fears are not rational, and that they know that themselves, but you also know that they like to get their own way!

A friend of his suggested hypnotherapy and I'm going to look into it for him.

Yeah I know someone who was really helped by hypno - patient has to be up for it - but it is a pleasant relaxing experience, apparently!