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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out with a group of other mums, drink too much and have a hangover whilst caring for DD (3.5)

35 replies

LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 21:11

I actually started a light hearted thread about this this morning. I went out with some friends last night, drunk MUCH more than i intended to and got very drunk. I was a bit frustrated with myself because i have felt like shit all day. But hey - im a grown up. Right? I have just posted this on my other thread, but really want some honest opinions about this? The reason im posting is because in the past, when women have posted about their DP/DHs getting pissed and then being in charge of the DCs hungover - he has been called all the mnet names under the sun.

so here goes:- Feel free to flame

"Well i am sitting here in shock

DP is being really awful with me about last night!! I am literally gobsmacked and like, WTF?? Yes, going out and getting ratarsed on a school night wasn't the most sensible thing in the world because ive had to deal with DD all day with a hangover. He is incensed about her not going to playschool - the only reason i didn't send her is because SHE woke up late - a) it would have been a mad rush to get her there and more importantly b) If she didn't get up until 8.30 that tells me she is really tired. She goes every day for the mornings and sometimes it does get a bit much for her. She doesn't have to go by law although the school is funded for full attendence and you cannot choose to attend part time. Saying that, many of the parents have their children unofficially only there 3-4 days. So, whats his problem with that?? I have done this before when she hasn't woken up and i didn't get a bollocking for it - oh no, he told me that he thought it sensible!!!

Yes,i haven't done much with DD today, but she has seemed happy enough, i have played with her - albeit from a horizontal position with support from sid and andy! She hasn't been miserable, in fact i think she quite liked the lazy day.

I DO feel a bit bad that we didn't go out and i wasn't more with it, but its one day FGS, its not like i do this all the time. In fact, i have been drunk twice since DD born 3.5 years ago, including last night.

I don't know what his problem is - he is grumpy and talking to me like shit, calling me irresponsible and that i "have got a problem". Honestly, i just can't believe he is being like this, he has never ever been caveman like in the past. He deliberately undermined me over giving DD an ice lolly previous to having her dinner - guess what, she didnt eat her meal . He is looking at me like he hates me - do i really deserve this?

Is there anyone out there who actually thinks IABU? Honestly, because im not sure? "

OP posts:
Ohforfoxsake · 27/03/2009 21:15

Bloody hell. We all do it once in a while (and sometimes it makes us feel like us again, let our hair down, have a drink, a laugh FFS).

I think:

a) he is jealous because you didn't go out and have a lovely drunken time with him, and

b) YANBU

Meglet · 27/03/2009 21:16

not the end of the world I reckon, she's only missed playschool. Just don't do it again on a weeknight .

wrinklytum · 27/03/2009 21:16

I think if it is a one off and from what you have said,it is,then you should chalk it down to experience.

If it were a regular thing then a different matter.

But hell,we all have to have some non mummy time sometimes.

I am without dcs for first time in 5 years tonight,and am sipping wine,and

I GET A LIE IN TOMMOROW YAY!!!!!!

moondog · 27/03/2009 21:16

What an utter knob.
Does he go out???

AllieBongo · 27/03/2009 21:18

yanbu, you are being normal. no harm done, apart from a minging headache

southeastastra · 27/03/2009 21:18

you don't just suddenly change overnight once you're a mother.

i remember being told off by so hag at work who said to me (after i lost it with her) 'i would never expect a mother to behave like that'

GColdtimer · 27/03/2009 21:19

FGS, you have hardly committed the crime of the century.

YANBU at all. You need to nurse that hangover. Take youself off to bed and enjoy an early night and ignore your DH. he is being silly.

sazzerbear · 27/03/2009 21:20

YANBU - you deserved letting your hair down and he needs to lighten up!

noonki · 27/03/2009 21:20

next time just make sure he is around for the morning.

I drink quite a lot but tend to wait for when I don't have to deal with the kids the next day on my own.

tbh I wouldn't be chuffed if DH got that bad when he was looking after them.

HairyMuff · 27/03/2009 21:21

He's being a knob head. Could he be jealous of your good night out?

Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 21:21

Thats exactly what i said to a friend of mine - yes i did actually behave a bit badly last night. JUST LIKE I USED TO DO! I have battled with depression for three years - im getting better . Normally i would shy away from a night out, make excuses and not go - but it was a night out with other mums, and i honestly didnt expect it to go the way it did - pleasant suprise. But i FELT LIKE THE OLD ME.

The woman who is a bit OTT and embarrasing, will talk to anyone when pissed and i enjoyed it. He fell in love with that person, the one with the loud mouth, big tits that she likes to show off and generally being a bit silly. Im a very different person from that these days He seems so angry with me and im really hurt - if i'd known it was going to be like this, of coures its friday tonight so the weekend is fucked now. I will despite myself, try and smooth things over for the sake of the weekend - i dont see much of DP in the week, he works long hours and goes to bed when he puts DD to bed. I spend ALOT of time alone and i find it really hard.

I honestly would have expected the "ha ha, got no sympathy for you - does your head hurt ha ha" attitude, but not a lecture in front of his employees (on the phone!) and for him to still be angry with me when he came home.

Im quite confused actually.

OP posts:
SpinningEm · 27/03/2009 21:21

God you so deserved that freedom, don't feel guilty

theDreadPiratePerArdua · 27/03/2009 21:23

YANBU! If you haven't found a good hangover remedy then diet coke and cheesy puffs are v good. If she was up that late then yes, she needed the extra sleep. And what's that about govt funded playschool having to be 5 days? Someone's having you on, surely.

Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 21:23

noonki - i do realise that it wasn't sensible, it wasn't planned and i do feel guilty that i wasn't superfunmum today for DD. BUT i think DPs reaction is OTT, he is treating me like a child!

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 21:25

the playschool thing is a bit odd isn't it. But its the way that particular one is funded, none of the others locally are and they accept vouchers etc. Its not an issue for us really, DD loves it and is usually there every day, and activities in the afternoon - which i sometimes don't do because she is tired.

OP posts:
sazzerbear · 27/03/2009 21:26

Spontaneous nights are always more fun!

Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 21:27

wrinklytum, thats interesting you should say that - what really hurt me is that he said to me, "oh, you are no better than X going out pissing it up when you have responsibilities" A friend of mine's DP has a serious drink problem and will often (and i mean more than once a week!) just pop into the pub on the way home from work, and not arrive home until he is unable to walk!! This was so very much a one off. Looks like it wont be happening again though does it

OP posts:
Lilyloo · 27/03/2009 21:27

Lem sounds like you had a fab night and a well deserved one.
yanbu

Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 21:29

moondog, another one of those occasions when i agree with you - what a knob!! But no, he doesn't go out - neither of us do usually. Im not really much of a going out person, and he would rather boil his head than socialise - something that i have found difficult in the past as he took ages to socialise with my friends.

Thing is though - he isn't usually a knob, especially over things like this - he is more like, you go, enjoy yourself.

OP posts:
Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 21:32

This is the best bit though - he said he couldnt understand why i wanted to go out "with a bunch of idiots" when i was out with my old uni friends the night before - , yes, sitting down to eat at pizza express and i had DD with me!!!!

OP posts:
dollius · 27/03/2009 21:33

Could he have sensed that you are feeling a bit like "the old you" again? Do you think he is worried about the change in dynamic in your relationship as a result?

I know this sounds over-complex, but any change in our partners is often unsettling, even if it is for the better. After all, he has got used to you battling with depression for three years and usually shying away from a night out. And here you are with a minging hangover after a great night out, all of a sudden (good for you, by the way).

He probably doesn't even know why he feels odd about it.

Blarbie · 27/03/2009 21:33

He's probably jealous. It does annoy me a bit if my dp gets drunk the night before he has to look after dd - he rarely has sole responsibility, only if I have a weekend course or something. But I know she'll have an OK day and it's his headache.
I'm sure you suffered from the night out more than dd. Does he appreciate what you do do? Is he stressed or something?
If I were you I'd agree with him and apologise and next time you go crazy on a school night make sure she gets to playschool, or save it for the weekend. I'm useless on a hangover.

Boys2mam · 27/03/2009 21:35

It would have been much more self-indulgent to take her to pre-school and go back to bed (for future reference)

That would have given him something to grumble about

It was a one off - YANBU

Original poster
LEMAGAIN · 27/03/2009 21:38

I don't think its over complex dollius, i did wonder that - but surely not?? We have been together for a long time (17 years) and he always loved my naughtiness. I can remember as clear as anything him saying to me, only about a month or so ago - "you are not the old LEM anymore, i miss her!" I can't win! Right now i am feeling like all i am is the hired help, here to care for his precious DD and my feelings count for nothing

Blarbie, i think we all agreed (us mums) to save it for a friday in future!

OP posts:
dollius · 27/03/2009 21:49

Yes, but he may have said that because he had started to sense the old Lem making a comeback.

It is natural that, even if only subconsciously, he worries about how that will affect your relationship. And, of course, how that will affect him.

What you need to do is show him that nothing has changed - only that you are feeling better.