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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or rather, what IS reasonable

33 replies

SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:14

My DH is graduating soon, between the ceremony and meal and ball its £76 each

do we ask family to pay for themselves or is that rude? are we expected to pay for tickets for the people we are asking to be there ?

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 27/03/2009 20:29

congratulations on achievement.imo,guests pay for their own ticket,ut yikes expensive do

maybe you could put on a wee spread at home though,some wine and food

i wouldnt mind paying for own ticket

Original poster
SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:33

yes its quite a lot isnt it! the meal/ball part is £60 and the actual ceremony is £16. Thing is, he has to fill a table IYKWIM, which we thought would be fine as there'd be the two of us, ILs and my family, but now it just seems a lot to ask of them, particularly since MIL is retired and SIL is not working at the mo, its also too much for us to pay for them I think

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Portofino · 27/03/2009 20:36

Do you have to do the ball/meal bit after the ceremony? I appreciate that your DH deserves that for all his hard work, but maybe you could skip and all go for something to eat somwhere a bit more manageable and treat the others?

stephla · 27/03/2009 20:37

£76 is a lot. How many family members are you expecting to be there?

dizzydixies · 27/03/2009 20:38

he has to fill a table

when I graduated my parents got to come to the ceremony, a wee drinks party in the university grounds afterwards and then they left whilst I gotpissedwithmymates celebrated into the wee small hours

the ball was held on a completely different day AND there were no parents/relatives etc there thank goodness

ScottishMummy · 27/03/2009 20:38

what about family go ceremony and then family do later at home?do they really want to go to a student/grad ball?

cant imagine my family at my grad ball.all those munted folk,no ta

but families do like ceremony all the clapping and photo op's.as a compromise could you pay for ceremony only and a family soiree later

Original poster
SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:38

he doesnt wanna miss out on the evening with his class mates, TBH (before hearing the price) we were really looking forward to it as it'll be one of the first big dos we'll have post baby, but in order for him to go he has to book a table (and fill it)

OP posts:
Original poster
SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:40

"what about family go ceremony and then family do later at home?do they really want to go to a student/grad ball?

cant imagine my family at my grad ball.all those munted folk,no ta"

It'll be a very formal, adult do, not a student piss-up. Its an occupational masters thing so not a load of drunk 21 year olds

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ScottishMummy · 27/03/2009 20:40

cant he join up with course mates to get requisite number of guests and treat family later

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 27/03/2009 20:42

That sounds really odd.

At mine guests paid a fiver for attending the ceremony and wine/ nibbles then we all went for a meal together elsewhere.

How many students do they expect can 'fill a table'?

dizzydixies · 27/03/2009 20:42

ah, sorry - thank goodness, I had visions of DH and me turning up at DD's graduation (in 20yrs time ) and embarrassing her by reliving our youth!!!

ScottishMummy · 27/03/2009 20:42

why are you copying & pasting!emmm at my PG we got pretty munted!

Original poster
SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:42

yes I suppose scotishmummy - so do you think we should just ask them to the ceremony and not ask them at all to the meal (incase they feel obliged even though they cant afford it?)

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 27/03/2009 20:44

why not just ask them? they might be delighted at going to a ball or they may have no interest in the slightest in it and will be thankful of the opportunity to decline

ScottishMummy · 27/03/2009 20:45

yes!ceremony is fun,photos,clapping and schmoozing families love it

have a family do later

let the course do have their meal and well deserved reminiscing

ScottishMummy · 27/03/2009 20:45

yes!ceremony is fun,photos,clapping and schmoozing families love it

have a family do later

let the course do have their meal and well deserved reminiscing

Original poster
SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:45

why not?

just wanted to clarify that its not a student ball like what they have post bachelors grads, its an "adult" sit down thing. Our family members wouldnt be surrounded by a load of drunk nippers

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Original poster
SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:48

dizzydixies DH's family can be a bit funny about saying "no", either they say yes to something they dont want or they say "no" but feel really guilty/embarrassed. It can be a PITA as you end up feeling like you can only ask them things if you are pretty sure it'll be a yes and not a maybe or a no

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 27/03/2009 20:49

sal given i dont know your dh circumstances was it necessary to correct me and cut and paste

anyway as i said at my post-graduate's we did get munted

Original poster
SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:49

okay so ceremony only it is, a bit as I know that most of DHs classmates are having full tables full of family and friends but most of them are pretty well off so £76 isnt much of a consideration to them

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 27/03/2009 20:51

sal can you do something at home for his family on a different day instead then?

Original poster
SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:53

scotishmummy it wasnt an agressive reply? just a reply

Was just clarifying that the "students" in this case are adults (not newly grad tots) so our families wouldnt feel like they gate-crashed a school disco.

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Original poster
SalBySea · 27/03/2009 20:55

dizzydixie would we really need to do that as well?

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ScottishMummy · 27/03/2009 20:56

is it soon?is dh excited.do the ball as a couple but family ceremony

dizzydixies · 27/03/2009 20:56

Sal I only suggested it as I just thought that when you said you were a bit at only having friends/family at the ceremony that you could do something at home which wouldn't cost everyone £76

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