to not offer my friend any food when she came to visit.....

[lovelypair]

she hasn't seen dc2 who is 4 months old, dc1 is almost 3 and she arrived yesterday at 5.30pm to visit empty handed. i offered her a drink (she had orange juice) and that was it as dc1 was having his tea and any biscuits etc would distract him....

she left on cue at 7pm after hinting i needed to bath both children and get them ready to bed. when she was leaving i apologised for not offering her dinner and that i had nothing prepared just yet!

all her past visits i've been more than hospitable and i guess i am feeling a twinge of guilt for not being more so yesterday but with a baby and toddler it's tough!

she has no children btw but my dh often wishes babies on her!!

okay thanks for reading, i know hope IANBU just had to get it off my chest...

Not your job to feed her, not at all.

No that's fine - I often visit friends with children and am more than satisfied with just a drink.

Nope - I would not expect a meal unless I had been invited for one.

I'd've offered biscuits or cake at least. A jaffa cake or so.

What do you mean your dh wishes babies on her? oo-er

DS having his tea at 5.30 so offering biscuits or cake would have distracted him iykwim!

LOL! my friend seems to think raising children are easy and I am an on tap friend!

but she didn't leave till 7. Couldn't you have had biscuits together after 6?

It sounds like you're feeling a bit resentful of her and wanted to be awkward. Which is fair enough but I think you're trying to pretend that you weren't.

YANBU. I think she was rude to show up at your house with nothing, not even a packet of biscuits or a little treat for the kids.

I don't expect to be fed at peoples houses unless I am invited for dinner. A cup of tea is sufficient.

I am imagining cold draughts, grey walls, silence and a clock ticking

unless you invited her for dinner then no, YANBU

ha ha, imagine warm lovely house, noisy toddler, grizzly baby, cbeebies on tv, friend talking about friends life, me listening over sounds of toddler being a monkey, then a snake with baby grizzly on boob off boob...

she invited herself day before by text saying she wanted to see baby before he got too big, i said okay but didn't offer for her to stay for dinner... said she had to be home by 8 in text for a flat viewing but got cancelled when she was here so didnt have to rush off after all...

yes i agree, i did think she was rude to turn up with nothing, it certainly did not encourage me to offer her too much, so yes i was resentful of her for that!

YANBU

We had a childless friend due to come round to visit at 4pm when dd was tiny and ds a toddler. She turned up over an hour late and after 30 mins I went off to cook dinner, as we eat at 6pm as a family. I didn't ask her to stay -she'd been invited for afternoon tea. I simply announced dinner was ready and she went home. No idea if she was annoyed, but I certainly had been!

I don't think its rude, unless she was visiting for the week LOL

lovelypairdietfarm.com LOL

Just out of interest, what did you expect her to bring?

YANBU, but i wouldn't expect her to bring anything I never expect anyone to bring anything to my house, unless they have been invited for bbq or something and i usually ask for different people to bring the odd plate of something or other.

can you explain the relevance of the "empty handed " comment?

Had you prearranged her visit for 5.30?

If I invited someone at that time of day, the offer of food would be implicit.

But if she dropped in unannounced and I had no food to offer it would be no big deal.

either way, no need for you to feel guilty!

YANBU. She should have brought something even if it was a packet of biscuits - I NEVER visit someone without bringing something. And she should have known that was the busiest time of the day, so a dumb time to come over in my opinion, especially as you are with a baby and a toddler! She was lucky to get the time of day....

Really? You always have to take something when you visit a friend? Odd imo.

It is the polite thing to do

In what world? Lol. Friends in a normal environment surely don't, oh dear lol.

My world. Was taught at my parents' knees that one should always bring a little something - a bunch of flowers from your garden, a little chocolate, a pack of biscuits, a bottle of wine. I am embarrassed if I find I have not got anything when I am visiting someone. That said, I don't mind if people come over without something to my place....

Golly so if you pop round regularly to friends for coffee you always take biscuits?

I saw a friend yesterday who'd recently moved house so took some flowers but wouldn't normally for a quick coffee/playdate.

I'd be quite surprised if someone turned up with flowers/biscuits when just dropping round for coffee - its not dinner is it?

To OP - i'd have probably offered a glass of wine and some nibbles and extended invite to dinner but hoped she would have declined.

However 5.30pm is an odd time for a visit - not from her perspective but as all of us with children know its prime dinner/bath/bedtime so i'd probably have said come later for dinner.

When my childless friend visits at this time (i.e - after work), she knows it means WORK. I invite her to stay for dinner but that means she baths DD, gets her ready for bed and reads her a story whilst I cook it!

She is my very best friend though and enjoys doing all that stuff. Or at least that is what she tell me

OP - YANBU

YANBU.

She should have bought something, a small packet of sweets for your toddler and definitely a present for the baby if it was the first time she'd seen him/her.

You were fine not to offer her dinner if you didn't ask her if she'd like to come for dinner the day before. A cup of tea in these circumstances is fine, with or without biscuits.