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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want the children to meet his new grilfriend

44 replies

Quadrophenia · 26/03/2009 18:18

ok so split with children's dad in october. he recently hooked up with a lady he met on the net and since has been fairly rubbish when it comes to seeing the kids (one friday evening in the last three weekends). Anyway in discussion he has suggested taking the children to meet his new girlfriend, i told him that as it is a farily new relationship i don't see who it would benefit at this time. the children are still dealing with our seperation and i feel it would be unadvisable to involve them in his love life. the thing is his new lady friend lives quite far so it comes down to either seeing his children or seeing her, i t would certainly make his life easier but at this juncture it shouldn't be about this...so am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Doodle2U · 26/03/2009 18:20

You need to meet her first, regardless of timing. This bird is gonna be with your children, possibly disciplining your children, influencing your children.....YOU need to check her out before anyone!

IMO!

Tamarto · 26/03/2009 18:23

YANBU To feel like that.

YWBU To try and stop him.

He is their parent as much as you are and are you planning to allow him to veto any partner you may meet?

Tillyscoutsmum · 26/03/2009 18:24

Hmmmmm - honestly ? I think yab a little bit u. I can understand why you feel the way you do and I'm pretty sure I would feel the same, but unfortunately you are separated and he is their parent and as such, can introduce them to who he wants (within reason)

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 26/03/2009 18:25

he has met her three times......this is not a relationship yet

OP posts:
memoo · 26/03/2009 18:26

tbh think yab a little u

Agree with Tilly

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 26/03/2009 18:27

if it was a relationship that had been going on for a period of time i don't think i would have a problem..i am honestly not trying to control his life. i have a new guy and at the moment wouldn't dream of introducing him to my kids it just doesn't feel like its appropriate right now

OP posts:
Original poster
Quadrophenia · 26/03/2009 18:27

if it was a relationship that had been going on for a period of time i don't think i would have a problem..i am honestly not trying to control his life. i have a new guy and at the moment wouldn't dream of introducing him to my kids it just doesn't feel like its appropriate right now

OP posts:
Sorrento · 26/03/2009 18:27

Then could she be daddy's friend and leave it at that ?

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 26/03/2009 18:28

no they already know she is her girlfriend

OP posts:
Original poster
Quadrophenia · 26/03/2009 18:28

his

OP posts:
edam · 26/03/2009 18:30

he's being rather selfish and unfair to his own children. Too early to introduce them to new woman who may not be around in six months. And if he puts his need for a shag above seeing his kids, that says an awful lot about him...

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 26/03/2009 18:30

if they were meeting say casually in a place for a couple of hours maybe i wouldn't have such a problem
but they have kniown eachother less than a month..he wants to take them to stay at hers...really am i being that unreasonable?

OP posts:
Doodle2U · 26/03/2009 18:33

I'll say it again - YOU need to meet her FIRST and certainly before they get taken off to stay at her gaff.

Tamarto · 26/03/2009 18:34

Children meet people all the time that they never see again, it doesn't have to mean therapy. Its all about how you and him deal with it, you have no real right to complain about who he has round the children or even where he takes them while he has them, unless he is putting them in danger.

Tamarto · 26/03/2009 18:35

Doodle - What complete crap. Why does she? she would have no right to stop him if she didn't like her thought he was unfit etc.

Mutt · 26/03/2009 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tamarto · 26/03/2009 18:39

Who's mentioned a succession of women? OP mentioned one.

OP - How old are your DCs?

Doodle2U · 26/03/2009 18:39

If me & DH split up and got ourselves new partners, no bloody way would my children be whisked off to spend time with some bloody woman I knew nothing about.

Neither would I expect to just let some bloke my DH knew nothing about spend time parenting HIS children.

If she is his girlfriend and she is spending time with the children, she's parenting and I'd want to be freakin' sure I was happy that she wasn't some lunatic screaming skull first.

Or maybe you guys think it's OK to let your children go off for a weekend with someone you know absolutely nothing about just because your ex-p thinks she's good enough to shag.

Mutt · 26/03/2009 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cathpot · 26/03/2009 18:40

I think you have a point. I imagine it has been a rough few months for everyone and the children might not want to have to play nice with a new woman just yet.
Has he thought through trying to maintain the romance of a very new relationship while sorting out possibly very tired and unsettled kids? How old are they incidently? Does she have kids? Do you have a calm enough relationship with him to talk it all through?

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 26/03/2009 18:41

ihave 9 year old twins, a seven year old and a five year old

OP posts:
Tamarto · 26/03/2009 18:42

She may be the love of his life, you have no idea, nor does the OP. The only person who would is OPs ex and as she trusted him enough to have children with and also trusts him to have them overnight, she should trust his judgement too. That or be looking at supervised access if he really is that bad

HolyGuacamole · 26/03/2009 18:46

I don't have kids so maybe my opinion doesn't mean much but.....I think he is probably feeding this new woman the "I'm such a great dad", "so proud of my kids, aren't I fab?" etc etc.

Don't know what you should do, but he will show himself up soon enough (to her and the kids) if this is what he is doing.

Doodle2U · 26/03/2009 18:46

Well based on that post, tamato, she might as well get this thread deleted and forget all about her concerns.

There ya go Quad - sorted. Let him introduce the children to any old slapper he feels like because his judgement supercedes yours, apparently.

Mutt · 26/03/2009 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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