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Original poster

To feel as though I hate dp (may contain ranting)

51 replies

Comewhinewithme · 26/03/2009 11:23

I could namechange but can not be bothered .

He is a dick and I hate him .

He is so so selfish everything is about him .

He has been in a pissy mood for about a month now he has this grass is always greener mentality so according to him life at the moment is boring and rubbish .

So sleep is very precious to him ok I understand ...but dd has been ill since sunday I have been up and down with her Sunday and Monday night by Tuesday I could hardly stand up I was so tired so he kindly offered to look after her of she woke up ill .
What happened was she threw a tantrum cue dp telling her off and her getting more distressed and her ending up in my bed listening to Daddy snore .
Last night she got a lot worse and I woke up at 2.30 and she sounded very ruttly I woke up dp because I was worried he laid there I thought he was listening to her and then I heard him snoring so I told him he was pathetic .
He jumped up told me to fuck off and get out of his life and he was going downstairs and off he went and got on the sofa ranting all the time about what a bitch I was and how I had ruined his life .
I ended up downstairs with dd and got her settled on the sofa and told him very calmly tp go back to bed he then said I was fat and ugly (I am a size 12 BTW) I looked a mess he didn't love me and then said that was the worse mistake I ever made when I asked what he said "That thing growing in you you should have had an abortion or better still get it adopted ".
I didn't shout or cry because I didn't want dd to wake up but I told him he could leave and he just smirked and said I wouldn't cope then he went to bed.

This morning me and dd have been to drs and she has a chest infection .
Dp is as usual saying sorry and that he is stupid and silly . I just told him to go to work where btw he will be dressing up tomorrow to raise funds for the NSPCC what a fucking joke . He is also known at work as one of the most friendly members of staff and one person who he works with told me you can always rely on him to cheer you up or help you out .

I am so fed up .

Please excuse any typos I have basically been awake for a week .

OP posts:
Nabster · 26/03/2009 11:25

why are you still with him?

cyteen · 26/03/2009 11:25

i cannot believe he said those things to you i hate him for it and i don't even know him, no wonder you feel the way you do.

Original poster
Comewhinewithme · 26/03/2009 11:25

I don't I think I am only just starting to realise what a twat he is .

OP posts:
StercusAccidit · 26/03/2009 11:27

God howcome to everyone else they are the nicest person on earth but it doesn't extend to you..will pop back in a bit flower to compare notes comfort you
Hopefully this will bump for someone to come along and tell you what an arsehole he is x

OrmIrian · 26/03/2009 11:27

OMG!

Your poor thing.

Is he ill or depressed?

What are you going to do?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 26/03/2009 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

megcleary · 26/03/2009 11:28

we have had the 4am rows when dd is poorly and what we have decided to do is just deal with her and have a rational conversation with in the moring

everything more emotive at night IME

doen't excuse his behaviour

WorzselMummage · 26/03/2009 11:32

Your not atall unreasonable to think you hate him..

I think I hate him too.

what a cunt indeed.

Original poster
Comewhinewithme · 26/03/2009 11:32

AFAIK he is not ill or depressed he does not take drugs .
This pg was a huge surprise split condom and failed map but it was as much his choice to go ahead with it as it was mine .
We are ok for money and his job is safe .

I have been with him since we were 17 so it is hard to think about not been with him if that makes sense but I know I can't continue down this path .

But also at 31 weeks pg with 5 dc it is not that simple to just up and leave .

It is becoming more obvious he feels trapped and that he does not love me anymore so it looks as though he is only here right now because he has nowhere else to go .

OP posts:
Nabster · 26/03/2009 11:34

Your kids deserve better, and so do you.

You have to talk to him and make it clear what he said is totally unacceptable.

Original poster
Comewhinewithme · 26/03/2009 11:34

I feel stupid because I do feel scared at the thought of been alone .

OP posts:
TheJester · 26/03/2009 11:35

Poor you, my x put me through all of this when I was pregnant. As well as being very mean (see pudding's thread!!)) he was an abusive control freak.

please don#t out splitting up. You could only be happier without him. He sounds awful. It doesn't play on his conscience at all that you are up half the night with your sick child. He expects you to do it without a murmur of complaint. All the time I'm reading about men and their erroneous sense of entitlement over their wives. Don't accept it. Maybe you can't change him, but if you can't don't put up with it.

I mean, I've been accused of encouraging people to divorce before, and it's not that I want everybody else to be divorced because I am... it's not like that... I just want women to realise that they don't have to put up wiht the shit that so many of them put up with. In this day and age it's so shocking that so many confident intelligent women are still trying to make their lives look right from the outside by staying married. They prioritise looking happy to the outside world over actually being happy

So, the next time he treats you like this, seriously, properly contemplate whether or not your life will be easier and more pleasant without him. By the sounds of it, it would. Don't be terrified of it, don't dread it.

Nabster · 26/03/2009 11:35

Better to be alone and happy than together and miserable.

TheJester · 26/03/2009 11:36

that should have been don't rule out splitting up.

Jux · 26/03/2009 11:36

What Worzsel said.

Why are you still with him?

Original poster
Comewhinewithme · 26/03/2009 11:39

I know it is just easiar said than done I don't have the energy to fight with him .

OP posts:
TheJester · 26/03/2009 11:42

Right you have 4 children and one on the way, so clearly you'll be able to stay in the house.

I think the next time he abuses you come right out with it and tell him you want a divorce. Tell him he's abuse, selfish, lazy. Not only is he unsupportive emotionally while you are heavily pregnant but he is the cause of your distress.

If you stayed in the house and he wasnt' there, would it really make much difference? WAS he much help???

I do everything for my children now of course, being a single mum, but I always did everything, so the only difference now is that I'm not simmering with resentment. I have very little money but I'm not watching somebody polishing one his two motorbikes while I dream of a small second hand car to park next to his £25k new car..

Hassled · 26/03/2009 11:45

Agree he sounds like a prize wanker.

But you don't need to rush anything. Have the baby, bide your time, think long and hard about how you want your future to be, think about the practicalities so you at least know what your options are, and see how you feel in a while.

TheJester · 26/03/2009 11:45

You shouldn't have to live like that. Treading a tightrope for an easy life. I did it for years mind you.

And the irony is, it isn't even an easy life. You sublimate your entirely reasonable requests for a supposed 'easy life' and your life still ends up being incredibly hard.

MadamDeathstare · 26/03/2009 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vezzie · 26/03/2009 11:50

Good luck, comewhinewithme. You don't need this loser.
Also good luck for your DD with the chest infection - hope she is better soon.

powpow · 26/03/2009 11:51

a totally repulsive thing to do.
this is not what people in a loving relationship do to one another.
I would agree with the jester and think about your options very carefully.

StercusAccidit · 26/03/2009 12:13

CWWM it takes a while to sink in how bad it is, and you are emotionally fragile and dependent too at the mo with DD being ill and being heavily PG too

I know exactly where you're at. Its a difficult decision, i know, especially when you are carrying a baby, but you would be so much better off alone then with him.. or at the very least, sling him out so he realises what he's lost..
Really can't offer any advice as such, but from someone who is going through it x

StercusAccidit · 26/03/2009 12:23

And i hate the excuse they use about being tired.

I have been 2 days now with little DS2 and the cold he caught off DS1, and i still speak to him lovingly even though i feel like my eyeballs are falling out.. and i still speak to DP kindly and with respect even though he doesn't deserve it, depression and tiredness are no reason or excuse to do what he is doing.

He should do something about it FGS.

I bet YOU are tired and feel like you have been through the mill, yet carry on bringing up your kids and being loving and kind, and considerate towards your dickhead partner.

IF you decide you have had enough, does he work? If so, no reason to fight with him, chuck all his stuff while he's at work

My Dsis had 5 kids when she got rid of her useless DP, and she is so much happier now and with someone else, with baby 7 on the way.
She says its the best thing she ever did and she worries not a BIT about if this one leaves (but he is a lovely bloke) but if he did go, because she knows she has taken the step once, and it wasnt as bad as she thought, in fact, it was better.. her experience gives me hope when i feel down and worry about being lonely or not being able to cope if me and DP split for good.

But i still am so sorry you are having to put up with this. He should be respecting and loving you as the mother of his kids and his new baby to be.

Original poster
Comewhinewithme · 26/03/2009 12:27

Thanks everyone .I am slowly realising since using MN tbh that his behaviour is not normal .

The things he says are vile I wish he could see how it makes me feel but I can't and know he is not going to change .

I am just starting to see how pampered and spoilt he is but he has in the past been able to make me feel it is my fault and I end up saying sorry .

I need to think about what is going on and take stock .

OP posts: