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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to offer to pay the man who took my cat to be neutered without discussing it with me

279 replies

powpow · 25/03/2009 20:14

basically my cat came home last night neutered.
We had no idea what had happened or who had taken him.
I called 11 vets in the area until I found the one where it was done.
A neighbor has been feeding our cat and took him to be done. My cat broke through this guys catflap to come home to us where he feels safe. He wasn't missing. We saw him Monday night and he came home tuesday night.

Most of the cats running around the neighborhood have no collar but I would never take them to the vet unless they were hurt!
he said my cat has been coming around for a few months. He never once tried to find out who he belonged to.
We had taken off his collar because it kept getting tighter and tighter on his neck and getting caught on the fences.
But he was very obviously well taken care of, groomed and happy.
We were waiting a few more months to neuter him and would have taken him to the clinic that does it for free.
This guy paid £280.
I don't think I should have to pay for this.
AIBU?

OP posts:
LEMAGAIN · 28/03/2009 10:05

Its not too late - send the guy a note, saying thankyou for sorting your cat out, but that you were upset that he didn't consult you first. Explain that you can't afford to pay the entire bill but you would like to contribute, and at least let the poor sod see the cat from time to time. Think on, this could be your Dad one day, lonely and looking out for company - it is probably deeply traumatic for him you know.

Quattrocento · 28/03/2009 10:11

The OP needs to stop with the line of thought that the man is some wierdy cat sadist who has done something mysterious which has left the cat traumatised. It is not the behaviour of wierdy cat-sadists to go and pay however much it was to get a cat neutered. It isn't really. More the behaviour of a cat lover IMO

LEMAGAIN · 28/03/2009 10:11

One more thing, if you in your infinite wisdom was waiting until your cat was "ready" to be castrated, then you should have kept the bloody thing in the house and not allowed him outside to spread his seed and potential disease - is he vaccinated?

Quattrocento · 28/03/2009 10:14

LOL at taking a cat to the vets to be neutered when it is ready. It was plenty old enough, so apparently this is a case of being emotionally ready for the operation.

Whole thread is plain daft.

expatinscotland · 28/03/2009 10:16

Ex h's SIL is a huge animal rights activist, a vegan and a top vet surgeon in her native Germany.

She spends a lot of time reminding people that neutering or spaying a kitten will not stunt its growth or any of those other myths.

A kitten can be safely neutered or spayed at around the age that it's weaned and most vets see that as a pet owners major responsibility.

Bellebelle · 28/03/2009 10:18

LOL at image of cat waking up one morning and saying (meowing?) "dear owner, I am now ready to have my balls cut off. Take me to the vets quick smart to do the deed."

hercules1 · 28/03/2009 10:18

It's not unusual for your cat to be out of sorts. I expect he was sedated for quite some time. One of our dogs had the same problem and was out of it for a few days.That's nothing to do with the man or the vet and would have happened had you bothered to get the op done.
Personally I'd be on the phone to the vets to get help rather than on the phone to the guy who paid for the op.

Bellebelle · 28/03/2009 10:20

On serious note on of my mum's neighbours got a lot of comfort from one of her cats who 'adopted' him after his wife died. Tbh my mum wasn't best pleased at first but came round to the idea and they shared the cat harmoniously for a good few years.

Quattrocento · 28/03/2009 10:31

On the collar question:

The OP says "We had taken off his collar because it kept getting tighter and tighter on his neck and getting caught on the fences."

Subsequently we are told that the cat's collars mysteriously disappeared (with the implication that the wierdy cat-sadist had been removing them).

So I don't buy this story at all. Sounds like a load of gubbins invented to avoid paying up.

hercules1 · 28/03/2009 10:32

You're right! THis thread is a waste of time.

expatinscotland · 28/03/2009 10:33

Microchips are quite cheap. About £25 and then another fiver or so to register the animal.

ingles2 · 28/03/2009 10:33

When I first posted a few days ago, I said the OP shouldn't pay.
Reading this I've had a change of heart.
If you want the cat, you should pay for his operation. Otherwise imo the cat belongs to the person responsible for it's vet. care.
If you can't pay it all, make the man an offer.

wannaBe · 28/03/2009 11:07

I remember once reading an op on here from someone wanting her dog to have puppies before having it spayed because she "wanted the dog to feel what it was like to be a mother."

I said very early on in this thread that I didn't believe a word of it and tbh I still don't.

KittyBigglesworth · 28/03/2009 11:33

I don't think that the old man should have had the cat neutered without permission, however I am interested to know how on earth you were able to cope with the stench of an unneutered cat spraying everywhere powpow?
When my family had an unneutered male cat, it was with them for 2 days before it just had to be taken to the vet to be neutered. Until then he had to be isolated isolated in the garage at night, (with radiator,food and water) The stench was obscene. Once it was done, zero odour. Seriously, did you clip clothes pegs on your noses?

LEMAGAIN · 28/03/2009 11:56

herc - really, the cat should be fine, its not a long op to have an undescended testicle removed - 25 minutes start to finish, at most! Should be done under full anaesthetic which today are not metabolised via liver and kidney and have very fast recovery time. If an animal is drowsy aftre surgery there is a reason for it. I have had dogs and cats literally jumping off the table before ive had time to remove their oxygen tubes . Honestly, should bounce home - if they don't then there is usually a reason for it (bad anaesthetic reaction, its not unheard of) and the vet should have explained what happened and what to do. We would never send an animal home post op unless it was fully recovered - which most times means pulling the stunned owner out of the door at full pelt!

None of this thread adds up to me, i think the OP has decided to stop digging now though.

LEMAGAIN · 28/03/2009 11:59

wannabe - thats funny, there is no harm in letting an animal have a litter before being speyed, well so long as you have homes for the pups/kittens previously.

It is better to spey/neuter early. It can actually cause problems if left too late. I had my rottie neutered later in life (as that was the school of thought then, not to castrate) he had prostrate problems. It ruined his coat, was never the same since - apparently this happens alot in dogs, not sure in cats though.

Not ready?? Honey - when ever is ANY male going to feel "ready" to lose his crown jewels

paisleyleaf · 28/03/2009 12:57

I think the single thing you can do that will most annoy the man is to pay him the money in full. You can then totally reclaim your cat, collar and chip him.
He doesn't want the money, he wants the cat.
By paying for the medical treatment he will feel that cat is his even more so.

PinkTulips · 28/03/2009 13:11

i never have collars on my cats, bloody dangerous things.

and the microchip would only have been noticed once already at the vets, it doesn't take away from the fact that the man took it upon himself to adopt a healthy well fed cat that was visiting him without so much as the vaguest attempt to find the owner.

now i've taken in strays from my doorstep and i can tell you, even the well fed ones are very obviously strays... they're a bit grubby, they're fur is a differant texture, they're usually covered in scrapes and cuts and they have a very differant personality to a house cat... even the friendlier ones are wary of strangers.

the op doesn't mention how old the cat is... she says he was due to be neutered so i take it he's not that old? it may not be a full grown adult tom but a cat who's still technically a kitten... it's not always possible to rush to the vets bang on 6 months, family and finances sometimes interfere with these things.

he has a cheek to ask for money, he did the op presuming he'd be covering the full costs... if the cat had upped and left he'd hardly have been compensated and he's no-one to blame but himself as it wouldn't have taken much to ask around and find out if the cat belonged to a neighbour.

LEMAGAIN · 28/03/2009 13:44

HE DIDN'T ASK HER FOR THE FECKING MONEY!!! HER CAT HER RESPONSIBILITY!! END OF!

PinkTulips · 28/03/2009 13:59

yes he did he's asked her to share the cost with him.

and don't shout to get your point across love... it just disinclines me from reading you posts at all.

she was going to have him neutered at a free clinic she is entitled to avail of... the op wouldn't have cost her when she had it done so therefore she has no moral obligation to pay and certainly no legal obligation.

hercules1 · 28/03/2009 14:01

He hasnt asked for money. The op is saying she is not going to offer to pay.

SoupDragon · 28/03/2009 14:03

By powpow on Thu 26-Mar-09 12:47:07
well, he's just popped a note in the door asking if I'd contribute to the cost.

Sounds like asking for money to me.

hercules1 · 28/03/2009 14:06

The cat is also chipped now as according to another post by the op she was going to do it on Friday although I think the cat needs to see a vet if it's still poorly.

Quattrocento · 28/03/2009 14:08

I think the confusion has been caused because initially there was no request for money "The neighbor has not yet asked for me to pay, although he did mention how much it cost. I confirmed the cost with the vet." and then apparently dropped a note around inviting a contribution.

hercules1 · 28/03/2009 14:13

Perhaps he thought the op would feel happier about it if she had the chance to contribute. Although she should imo pay for it herself.

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