To think parents should pay attenton to their screaming child on public transport?

FlyMeToDunoon · 25/03/2009 12:41

You may be right to be concerned however I often ignore the screaming of my DD especially if I have had it up to the eyes getting them out of the house!

alicet · 25/03/2009 13:55

I can understand where your coming from and this would upset me too.

But you don't know what is going on in their lives so I don't think you can judge them for it. Maybe he plays up on the way to the bus and then gets told 'if you mess about anymore we won't talk to you on the bus' or something?

Upsetting but none of your business I'm afraid. Hopefully they will take on board what your dd said, think about it and make more effort next time. Maybe not

alicet · 25/03/2009 13:57

Also he may just be a drama queen who screams at the drop of a hat so his parents are desensitised to it. After a placid and happy easy-going ds1 I now have a tantrumming dram queen of a ds2 at only 18 months! So tbh I am less bothered if he screams and shouts than if ds1 does it.

jugglingwoman · 25/03/2009 13:59

I often find that I start thinking how awful parents are for telling their children off or ignorning them, then I start wondering why. It could be a way of discipline, it could be they've had a 'moment' or it could just be that they're crappy parents who take no interest in their child.

I hope it's one of the first options.

sarah293 · 25/03/2009 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

choccyp1g · 25/03/2009 14:02

If they NEVER spoke to him, surely he'd have given up screaming by now. We keep being told to "ignore tantrums" then getting criticised for ignoring children.

MrsMattie · 25/03/2009 14:02

Oh FGS. People have time on their hands.

screamingabdab · 25/03/2009 14:03

YANBU

i agree that there are sometimes circumstances where someone may have seen me ignoring my child, possibly when they were having a tantrum

BUT, OP seems to be describing a pattern of the parents ignoring the child repeatedly. I have seen this quite a bit, I try not to judge, but it is upsetting and a worrying sign of a child who is not getting enough attention. Also, I would make every effort on a crowded bus to not let my child scream (though of course it can't be helped sometimes).

SerendipitousHarlot · 25/03/2009 14:04

What do you mean MrsMattie?

Flibbertyjibbet · 25/03/2009 14:06

Hmm well I suppose as long as the child wasn't feeding himself food from a jar as the bus was moving then he isn't in any immediate danger.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 25/03/2009 14:16

Oh god the amount of times dd1 has followed me about screaming and howling "Mummeee, mummeeeeeeeeeee, mum, why won't you talk to me? Mummmeeeeeeeeee"

It has usually been preceeded by something similar to the following

me; put your coat on
dd1; no don't want it
me; you will be cold, put your coat on
dd1; no
me; well carry it with you then incase you get cold
dd1; no it's too heavy
me; well I can't carry it I have to push the buggy, which has all of dd2's things and will have the shopping on so there is no room for coat, either take it with you or be cold, it's up to you dd1
dd1; I am not taking it with me

Halfway to the supermarket

dd1; I'm cold, can we go back for my coat?
me; No, I told you this would happen, take dd2's blanket and wrap it around your shoulders
dd1; no I want a coat. Buy me one in Tesco
me; no
dd1; but I'm coooooooooollllllllld"
me; I am not talking about this anymore, either take dd2's blanket or stay cold you are not getting a new coat
dd1; mum? mum? mum?
me; What?
dd1; Can I have a cardigan then?
dd1; mum? mummy? mummmmmmeeeeee? MUM? Why won't you anwser me? I am cold, mummy I am cold, MUM. TALK TO ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

God knows what the people in Tesco think, as this and similar scene's unsually involving her wanting or needing something are a regular occurance.

bubblagirl · 25/03/2009 14:23

my ds has ASD and if i was traveling on a bus would have to have no conversation with him at all as this would make him worse

sometimes if child says i dont want to go but you have to go best thong to do is ignore there every attempt of getting there own way

my ds couldn't and wouldn't want to be calmed anyway he'd need to just scream

i have always been told if ds doesn't want to do something and tries to control situation ignore it and ignore all attempts of getting your attention as it wont calm the tantrum

bubblagirl · 25/03/2009 14:25

must say its good your dd enjoys time on bus with story but my son would have probably have picked the book up and lobbed it at who was sitting behind ignore ignore ignore its always said if you have a tantrumy child its best for the parent and child

MrsMattie · 25/03/2009 14:25

I mean...the OP is ridiculous. You know nothing of the child or parents or their lives. And the 'I usually read to my child and we have a great time'. Oh, 10 bonus parenting points to you! .

Worry about something more important, please.

bubblagirl · 25/03/2009 14:30

i have to say in the days before i knew ds had sn and the problems in his behavior were showing i would have maybe thought a parent should act a certain way as my child was so easy

but since i now realise sn children and nt children can be a challenge and the key for a parent is to not rise to it when faced with a challenge especially in public

i have had so many nasty and unhelpful things said by people who have no idea what i go through every day that i no longer judge and realise each child is best dealt with what works best however that is and now feel more admiration for the parents that can keep there cool and feel sorry for the parents that crack under the pressure as i have been both these places and hate when people judge what they dont know

ihavenewsockson · 25/03/2009 14:32

maybe he was hungry.
she should have given him a jar of baby food to settle him down.

bubblagirl · 25/03/2009 14:33

lol

DSM · 25/03/2009 14:34

YABVU.

Unless you think they child looks hurt, malnourished or in some other way, neglected, then it is none of your damn business to comment on other peoples lives.

Maybe the morning bus journey is the only time the parents get a chance to talk?

I think I will stop using buses, the amount of judgement that seems to come from any scenario.

You 'ignore' your child for a few minutes on a bus and you are accused of neglect?

Just because you read a story on the bus and you and your DD 'really enjoy the time', does not mean everyone else has to do that. I can quite definitely say I have never read to DS on a bus, and I often use my phone on the bus.

coochicoo · 25/03/2009 14:35

I agree with MrsMattie on this one. There was no need really for the 'we usually read books and have a jolly old time' thing. You could have described the scenario without trying to make out that you're perfect

And I put this to you: Is he screaming because his parents aren't talking to him, or are his parents not talking to him because he's screaming?

I probably wouldn't have confirmed what your dd said, and instead said something like 'he may just be upset about something' and left it.

bubblagirl · 25/03/2009 14:38

i think its ok for you to be worried as a parent your not faced with a challenging child on public transport

but you shouldn't forget other children are not the same and they can be a challenge and when faced with this the advise given is to ignore

especially my ds who has ASD you wouldnt just know this so he would kick and scream and id have to face him away he'd also have to saty in chair as would cause himself damage by throwing himself on the floor and would scream blue murder as not getting own way

as the parent of that child im mortified with such behavior in public as you know people are staring commenting and blaming you but not all of us have that easy child we can share a laugh and good story with

DSM · 25/03/2009 14:38

Yes, I agree with that - maybe you should at least try not to teach your child to be so judgemental - if my DS asked a question like that I would never respond that way.

I would have said something like coochicoo suggested.

coochicoo · 25/03/2009 14:42

Oh, and I wonder if you've said something to your dd before along the lines of 'that little boy on the bus screams because his mum and dad don't talk to him' and put words into her mouth. I can't imagine that a three-year-old sees that scenario and comes up with that reasoning by themselves. My ds is 3.4 and I'm quite positive that he would say (if anything) 'mummy, why is that boy screaming?',rather than coming up with a reason for the boy screaming iyswim?

To confirm, I do think yabu.

OrmIrian · 25/03/2009 14:43

Poor child

And whilst I didn't give a flying fart about the 'baby food on the bus' story the other day, I might have got a bit prune-mouthed at this. It's amazing what a difference communicating with a child makes

bubblagirl · 25/03/2009 14:53

sometimes communicating with a child doesn't help my ds would be much worse off some children don't calm down with communication they need to be left alone

people need to stop thinking that every child and parenting tip that works for you will work for everyone else its not you have to do best for your own child and ignore the comments of others

Phoenix4725 · 25/03/2009 15:00

ormIrian
pray tell me how to comunicate with anon talking child that when hes in full flow wont even try to respond to attempts at getting him tosign and only thing to do is leave him to scream it out,

how does op know that tthe child does not have sn ,