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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by friends comment ?

43 replies

HappyHome · 25/03/2009 11:16

My friend has had an offer on her house and called me to tell me the good news. We were discussing looking at houses and she replied that her dh wouldn't even consider looking at a semi!
Guess what we live in, yep you've guessed it am I right to be peed off or AIBU ?

OP posts:
Othersideofthechannel · 25/03/2009 11:17

Why would her husband's preferences upset you?

Geepers · 25/03/2009 11:19

YABU

We would never consider a semi either because we are very, very noisy and it would be unfair.

Why would you be annoyed at what kind of house they want?

Trinityrhino · 25/03/2009 11:20

why would you care what they want in a house?

shes not telling you you are shit for living in a semi
stop being twitty

psychomum5 · 25/03/2009 11:33

like I tried to say before MN got rude and kicked me off............

she was telling you what her DH siad, which he is within his right to think.

she was not criticising you.

unless of course you yourself feel bad about living in a semi and therefore defensive. is that how it is, how do you feel about that....????

Original poster
HappyHome · 25/03/2009 11:35

It was the way in which it was said that annoyed me as in 'X is such a snob and wouldn't even view a semi' I just thought it a bit of a tactless thing to say. Looks like IABU (hangs head in shame)

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 25/03/2009 11:36

YABU - unless she said her DH thinks people who live in semi's are scum and she agrees with him .

He has a preference, it doesn't make it an insult.

Lawks · 25/03/2009 11:36

I would never consider livinh in a flat. This doesn't stop me being quite jealous of my friends who live in funky, city centre appartments, but I couldn't consider one because it wouldn't be right for me and my family.

You are looking for something to be upset about here, which makes me wonder if you have issues with where you live.

SoupDragon · 25/03/2009 11:36

You're not being unreasonable as such, just over sensitive

Trinityrhino · 25/03/2009 11:40

actually i am offended
I live ina semi

he must think I am shit
I am very hurt

NOT!

LavenderStar · 25/03/2009 11:57

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, I would think exactly the same. I think it was quite a tactless comment and for whatever reason they wouldn't live in a semi, it is not something they should have expressed out loud to you. Same as if you had pink trousers on - "Oh, I would never consider wearing pink trousers" - whether it is because she doesn't like pink or doesn't like trousers or doesn't think it goes with her skin tone, the fact is if you live in a semi/wear pink trousers, it is offensive to hear that someone else would "never consider" living in that type of house or wearing that piece of clothing. Unless of course you had directly asked her "would you ever consider living in a semi and if not, why not?". As you didn't ask her this, I consider her comment tactless.

Having said this, it also depends on what type of person they are. I am imagining the comment as if made by certain well-off friends of ours, and I would be offended. However if I think about other, less well-off friends making the comment, my reaction wouldn't be to get offended but to ask them why. But that's life - if you have more money than someone else, you have to be careful about going around saying " I would never consider x" to friends who are not as comfortable as you: more often than not, it will come across as "superior". The less well-off friends may not have a choice, and don't want this fact shoved down their throat!

Mumcentreplus · 25/03/2009 12:32

The question you have to ask yourself is 'Is my friend a Bitch?'

if not then she was just making a fairly innocent comment not taking a dig and probably didn't realise she would upset you...plus technically she did not actually make the comment..it's your call but on the face of it ...doesn't seem that bad tbh

personally I would have said something at the time but hey ho...

BTW I live in a Terraced House should I kill myself now or after I've made the dinner?

LEMAGAIN · 25/03/2009 12:45

Well, i live in a terraced house, but if i had the money i absolutely would like to live in a detached property with a nice private garden. I would have been offended by the comment though, its very hyacynth isn't it.

LEMAGAIN · 25/03/2009 12:46

Could she have meant it like this though - "my DH wont even consider living in a semi (the stuck up twunt?)"

Wizzska · 25/03/2009 13:27

I dream of living in a semi instead of a flat. Does that make you feel better?

ForeverOptimistic · 25/03/2009 13:33

I do know what you mean. She wasn't very tactful and I can understand why you would be offended by it.

screamingabdab · 25/03/2009 13:47

Wizzska I dream of living in a hut instead of a drain

jeee · 25/03/2009 13:49

DH and I wouldn't even consider a terrace, when we were househunting - guess what we ended up with?

troutpout · 25/03/2009 13:49

Actually..i think it was quite thoughtless to say it....there was no need for the comment at all

troutpout · 25/03/2009 13:50

so thoughtless but not nasty

thumbwitch · 25/03/2009 13:55

bit oversensitive on your part I feel - unless she had said DH wouldn't even consider a semi like yours, I wouldn't take it personally.

When I moved to my present house 14 years ago, I told my friends where I had bought and one said "oh my DH wouldn't dream of living in that town, there's only one road that's even passable there IHO" MUCH more pointed as I was obviously going to be living in this town and NOT in the "passable" road.

But I didn't get offended - it's their choice not to live here, it wouldn't have been my first choice if I'd had more money either - so long as they still came to visit (which they did and do) I'm not bothered.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/03/2009 13:59

what house does your friend live in at the moment?

i live in a semi

Flibbertyjibbet · 25/03/2009 14:01

I live in an old terrace.

I would not consider looking at a flat, or a new build house no matter how large/detached/semi.

If I said that to anyone who lived in a flat or a new build I wouldn't think I was being horrible, just expressing why they live in their house and I live in mine. They are quite free to me to say they wouldn't consider living in a terrace, and if they did I wouldn't take any offence.

ohdearwhatamess · 25/03/2009 14:13

YABU. It is not an attack on you, just their personal preferences in terms of housing.

FWIW I live in a semi and I wouldn't even consider living in one again. Neighbour noise (although thankfully ours is very quiet) and the worry that you are disturbing other people when the dcs are screaming their heads off are a PITA.

sarah293 · 25/03/2009 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KERALA1 · 25/03/2009 14:45

It is hard you really have to be terribly careful sometimes! Can be difficult when friends extol the attributes that their houses have but yours does not, but you cannot be honest and say I wouldn't live in your house if you paid me.

eg my friend who lives in a 70s detached house saying how marvellous it is having a garage and a drive and being detached. We live in an old (I think atmospheric) house that is attached on one side and has no private parking yet I am forced into bemoaning our lack of parking facilities just to be polite when really am thinking I would rather live in a hut before I lived in your house.

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