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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed by friends comment ?

43 replies

HappyHome · 25/03/2009 11:16

My friend has had an offer on her house and called me to tell me the good news. We were discussing looking at houses and she replied that her dh wouldn't even consider looking at a semi!
Guess what we live in, yep you've guessed it am I right to be peed off or AIBU ?

OP posts:

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 25/03/2009 14:53

YANBU.

The point is not what your friend/'s dh thinks about a semi (it's totally up to her what her or her husband's preferences are).

The point is that it is a rude thing to say to someone - implying that it's good enough for you but of course wouldn't be good enough for them. As if they are somehow better than you. What a stupid - and rude - thing to say.

kittywise · 25/03/2009 14:54

She was tactless.

It's like saying to a 'friend' that you would never call your child brian when her child is called brian. Or you'd never buy a fiat uno and she has one. You just don't say some things.

Dingbatgirl · 25/03/2009 15:01

She was being tactless but do you think she considered it was something you would find difficult? She spoke without thinking, and put her foot in it!! I've done it myself from time to time.

brettgirl2 · 25/03/2009 15:09

She was tactless.

But at the end of the day everyone has different tastes. Some terraced/semis are far more expensive than detached anyway, so that would have made me snigger a bit. I am a modern house fascist btw Kerala but why bemoan it - just tell her parking doesn't bother you.

risingstar · 25/03/2009 15:11

we would never live in a terrace or semi because we have had neighbours from HELL in both and therefore would buy a detached, even if it were smaller just for the peace of mind. we have friends who live in more expensive/nicer semis and terraces than us in our detached. people can only insult you if you choose to take it that way!

agree, she is being thoughtless but we probably all are at some point.

lou222 · 25/03/2009 15:18

i agree with you - you're not being sensitive
was a snobby comment to make i think!

AliGrylls · 25/03/2009 15:40

I would be upset by a comment like that. My dh however (who is always good at telling me what to do) would tell me ignore the person and would accuse them of being rude before telling me that I have a tendency to be oversensitive. In fact one of my dh's friends made a similarly tactless comment by saying that he did not want his dd going to a "new university" because they aren't as good as oxford / cambridge or wherever else. He knows I went to a new university - even if it was a true statement he did not have to say it. It really made me mad

SalBySea · 25/03/2009 15:43

YABU

My friend is house hunting. Her partner wont look at leasehold flats at all, so she can only consider freehold ones. I live in a leasehold flat. So what? I am interested in her house hunting experiences and am happy for her to chat away to me about it, I dont take it personally.

I am car hunting. We are only considering ford focus' (which is not the type of car she has), AIBU by telling her this?

kidowner · 25/03/2009 16:27

Please don't get upset about that comment. Many people couldn't live in a semi for practical reasons, they have large numbers of children and animals,possibly a cockerel, regularly scream at each other, have kids who want to play the drums etc, have secretive/ bad habits they wouldn't want others to accidently see, etc. So you see it was a positive comment, and by not wanting a semi you ought to breathe a sigh of relief!

Fairynufff · 25/03/2009 16:29

YANBU people who phone someone else just to brag and talk about themselves are best avoided.

SalBySea · 25/03/2009 16:31

people who ring up and have nothing to say for themselves and want the recipient or the call to entertain them cause they're bored are probably more annoying IMO than people who make conversation about what's going on in their lives!

I like little updates about what's going on in my friends' lives

UnquietDad · 25/03/2009 16:32

People are being a little unfair to the OP - her friend was being tactless.

Some friends of ours did this when they moved back to England after 5 years away.

We knew the situation with house prices and had tried to inform them over and over again. They were convinced they'd be able to afford to live in B, a nice area which we'd all probably have been able to afford 10-15 years ago on professional salaries. We kept gently trying to steer them towards other areas like H (they had asked for our advice). Our friend came out with the classic line "we don't want to end up with some little terrace in H".

Guess what we lived in at the time?...

And guess what they, after radically having to rethink their income-to-mortgage ratio, ended up living it?

ChippingIn · 26/03/2009 01:38

By FattipuffsandThinnifers on Wed 25-Mar-09 14:53:08
YANBU.

The point is not what your friend/'s dh thinks about a semi (it's totally up to her what her or her husband's preferences are).

Thanks Fattipuff - just what I wanted to say
but also wanted to add - that she was probably just not thinking when she said it and it doesn't sound like she even agrees with him

steviesgirl · 26/03/2009 01:49

I'm sure she wasn't aiming the comment at you. I think you are probably being over sensitive.

badgermonkey · 26/03/2009 06:56

My friend said exactly this to me yesterday in the same circumstances - and I live in a semi. Actually, I wasn't offended, because we both know the housing market in this town really well and there is a oversupply of quite small 3-bed semis which are no better than the house she is selling and in a lot of ways, worse. So she was saying that she didn't want to move to take a step down, as it would be a waste of time and money. I agreed, because we'd discounted those same houses while househunting for the same reason. I also know the house she has her eye on is a semi! She just meant one certain type of house in one certain area of town, although in her price range and readily available, was not the house for her.

Eve4Walle · 26/03/2009 08:48

Your friend is a tactless snob. Leave it at that and move on.

For what it's worth, I too live in a semi and have never been happier. Of course we'd all love to live in detatched houses but hey, that's life as they say!

bubblagirl · 26/03/2009 08:53

i think people say things without thinking sometimes its nothing personal on you

i wouldnt like to live in a semi but i live in a flat and dont want to live here either lol

but if i saw a nice one id consider it she was saying preference of her husband not being a bitch

it would be like saying i hate green sofas whilst sitting on a friends green sofa then putting big foot in mouth we all say things sometimes without meaning anything by it

she could easily offend lots of people by saying that but shes not saying it to dot hat just saying her husband doesn't want to love in one

Original poster

HappyHome · 26/03/2009 11:22

Thanks for all of your response, after sleeping on it I guess it was a case of me being over sensitive and her being a bit tactless!!!
Oh and to those of you who asked I have no problem with where I live, I've lived in semi's ,a flat, detached and I wouldn't rule out living in any type of house - but then I've got quite an open view on property, I used to be an estate agent.....(runs and hides)

OP posts:

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