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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be looking forward to having a newborn again...

48 replies

shellki · 25/03/2009 10:47

I am due beginning of May and am starting to really dread those first months. I'm used to not getting any sleep, since my DD1 (2.5) wakes us up night after night, its the constant neediness of newborns that's putting me off. Poor child, what kind of mother are they about to get?!

OP posts:
Fimbo · 25/03/2009 10:51

I felt like you. I remember even with my first, trying to breast feed in the middle of the night with tears streaming down my face, thinking that the world had ended. I just couldn't cope with doing it for weeks and weeks on end. I was lucky though as my dd slept through from quite early on. My 2nd was slightly easier.

That knackered feeling is dreadful.

nickytwotimes · 25/03/2009 10:53

Yanbu.
Newborns are a nightmare.
I dread it too (am ttc atm) and am only willing to endure it becasue it is worth it in the long run.
Lots of people say it isn't so bad the second time.

redorwhite · 25/03/2009 10:54

I am due in April with a 2.7 DS and I know exactly how you feel!

Newborns are hard work and I think I have blanked alot of it - DH and I are planning to adopt the "this too shall pass" mantra for the first 12 weeks (at least!)

I won't know what to do when a biscuit and cbeebies does not stop the crying.

FigmentOfYourImagination · 25/03/2009 10:54

I think it is perfectly natural to be aprehensive, especially if you already have a child who is less dependent on you.

Thankfully the newborn stage doesn't last long

Reallytired · 25/03/2009 10:55

I don't like newborns and I am 35 weeks pregnant. I like children once they get to about two years old.

Lizzylou · 25/03/2009 10:57

With DS2 I found it easier bizarrely, because I knew that the end was in sight and it would get easier. With DS1 it just seemed relentless and so alien, motherhood and putting a tiny babies needs above my own.

Having my 2nd was nowhere near as hard as I had thought/dreaded.
Good luck

TheCrackFox · 25/03/2009 10:58

Couldn't stand the newborn stage. Much prefer it when their personalities start showing. I loved the toddler stage.

compo · 25/03/2009 10:59

another hater of the newborn neediness stage here too
but hopefully it won't be as bad as you fear
have you got lots of help lined up for your toddler? grandparents able to take the eldest out for lots of run arounds and one 2 one attention? or to take the baby for long walks in the pushchair so you can nap

WowOoo · 25/03/2009 11:00

I'm dreading how I'll cope with two.

Coped with two before but that was an older niece who was mostly helpful. (And not mine of course)

I'm saying to myself that I'm worrying about things that haven't happened yet. I don't have to bfeed for so long this time either but it'll be 'different' adn 'interesting' that's for sure..!

Are you excited at all?

JRocks · 25/03/2009 11:01

I've been wondering about this too - like redorwhite says I'm hoping that the 'this too shall pass' will work for me as first time round I remember thinking that my life would be like that forever. In reality I expect rationality will go out of the window as soon as I go into labour

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 25/03/2009 11:07

Expecting my 3rd in May and am a little apprehensive.

'Luckily' DD2 has always been a crap sleeper so I've spent the last 4 yars in a state of zombification.

It'll be a breeze

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 25/03/2009 11:08

see told you I was a zombie - years not yars

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/03/2009 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Aranea · 25/03/2009 11:14

I found dd2's first 12 weeks pretty hard going, but they seemed to go much faster than dd1's newborn days. You'll suddenly turn round one day and feel you've blinked and missed dc2's newborn stage.

sockmonkey · 25/03/2009 11:16

Having DS1 was such a shock to the system, he was up every 2-3 hours, and i remember sat weeping as I fed.
I dreaded the arrival of DS2 for that reason, but TBH I was not the shock to the system I thought it would be. I think because I wasn't nervous about what I was doing, he seemed so much easier. He slept for a good 6 hours in a night, by 10 weeks, which was enough to survive on.
Good luck.

WowOoo · 25/03/2009 13:56

Starlight and sockmonkey, that's what we all want to hear.
Hope we all have mega calm easy sleep babies shellki...

Mummyfor3 · 25/03/2009 14:02

YANBU.

The total dependency of newborns is what gets to me too.
However:
DS1: total nightmare
DS2: easier
DS3: a delight ... weeeelll, most of the time, and he is now 1 and sleeping through the night, but still the trend is encrouraging.
More Zen-like attitude adjustment really helped.

Good luck!

Pheebe · 25/03/2009 14:03

OOO you're all completely and utterly unreasonable and slightly mental too - how can you not like the newborn stage!! ] - the squishy cudliness, that smell, the tiny fragility of them. The fact you can put them down and they stay there, they don't answer back, you can pop em in a sling and get on with life. The happy little squeeks after you've fed em.

OK the sleeplessness and constant nappy changing is a bit rubbish but apart from that...

DS1 was the child from hell (so I have been there) but ds2 has been the perfect baby from the get go so perhaps my specs are still a bit rosy.

WOuld any of you take me up on an offer of having your newborns for the first few months...

Good luck with your new bubs all

Countingthegreyhairs · 25/03/2009 14:04

Far better to have a realistic approach than naievely high expectations and then be whacked in the face by reality!! Newborns can be very hard work.

Personally, I love the dependent baby stage and find it harder now dd has strong opinions of her own (!) but I think it's much better to be like you Shellki as the newborn stage passes so quickly and you have a baby to have a child to have an adolescent to have an adult iyswim ....

so yanbu!! Not at all.

throckenholt · 25/03/2009 14:04

the thing with your first newborn is it is new - you have no idea what you are doing and everything is demanding.

Second time around you realise just how much newborns sleep and how they don't really need that much at all

Hopefully it will be easier than you think (you may find your 2 year old more demanding than the newborn).

MrsMattie · 25/03/2009 14:07

YANBU but do not make it a depressive nightmare before its even happened!

I had crushing PND after the birth of my first child. I just found the whole newborn stage - in fact, the whole baby stage - so exhausting, demanding and overwhelming. DS was a demanding baby, didn't sleep that well and God, I was tired...and bored....and miserable.

My second child has been an entirely different experience. Hideous pregnancy and was absolutely shitting myself about getting depressed again and how I'd cope with the relentlessness of caring for a newborn again...but...it's been an absolute piece of piss compared to first time around on every single front. Granted, a fair proportion of the 'ease' is down to a) the birth being a much better experience and b) DD being a terrific sleeper, but, I am also surprising myself on a daily basis with how much more relaxed I am about everything and how I just don't find the same things stressful. In fact, I would say I am loving this stage (DD is 17 wks old now) and will miss it so, so much .

Put it this way - I spent the first 3 months after this birth feeling intensely, stupidly broody for another - I was swearing I'd never have anymore 3 months after my first

beansontoast · 25/03/2009 14:11

with any luck the dread you feel will be worse than the reality.it was for me.

infact i had been so consumed by anticipating how tired i would be, it was so lovely to feel lots of other positive stuff once she was born!

oh...and toddlers are MUCH more needy than new babies imo...you will be wishing you had twins and no toddler
x

qwertpoiuy · 25/03/2009 14:11

I was like that before dc3 was born, I made sure to pamper myself very well - I even asked for my my CS date to be put down for the Friday after my original scheduled date, so I would have a full week off before big event. Other DCs were 4 and 6yo and at school.
And what a horrendous time I had, she slept at day and stayed awake all night, then had colic for 8 weeks. She became easier with time but was very clingy to me. In later months, she also took half-an-hour to get to sleep during the day (when i'd want a break to wash floors/read to older dcs) and would only sleep 20 mins.
(Sorry for rambling and I could go on and on, I'm just proving to myself how I never EVER want another newborn! I think older dcs will leave home if I do!!)
But she's now 2yo and much better.
The best of luck to you OP and other posters due to have babies.

jemart · 25/03/2009 14:26

YABU - newborns are easy, they just eat and sleep and need burping and changing now and then.
Once babies learn to walk and talk its all mummy mummy mummy, I want I want I want, and when you ask them to come here they run in the opposite direction with an impish grin on their face.....

Reallytired · 25/03/2009 14:31

"newborns are easy, they just eat and sleep and need burping and changing now and then. "

But they are boring and scream for no clear reason. They are nothing but work and not able to give much back.

"Once babies learn to walk and talk its all mummy mummy mummy, I want I want I want, and when you ask them to come here they run in the opposite direction with an impish grin on their face..... "

Sounds like fun to me. My seven year old still does that and I think he's great.

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