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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU: to feel slightly smug/happy/justified that double buggy trumped a "mobility scooter"?

192 replies

Woollymummy · 24/03/2009 22:59

A certain lady on our bus route has landed some of our bus drivers in trouble for having defended my right as a fare-paying passenger to keep my double buggy intact with sleeping toddler and non-walking baby inside, rather than have them turned out so she can take "her rightful place" in the wheelchair space. she has not got a wheelchair. she has a mobility/pavement transporter thing which she can get in and out of herself, and also has a huge vendetta against any pushcahir owning person who dares to get in her way. I have folded up for her before, pregant, with two kids, sleeping/awake etc, getting a thankyou while the driver gets a snappy remark or vice versa. Today I refused to fold because the bus driver told her he had a letter refuting her claim to the pushchair space. She backed down, I returned to my seat feeling smug/thankful/guilty. I want to feel happy about this outcome - is that wrong?

OP posts:

cory · 26/03/2009 10:53

Kimi, my dd would find it much easier to walk to a seat than to negotiate the ramp we have on our buses. She has been known to dislocate a joint simply by stepping off the kerb.

Disabilities are different.

MummyCharli · 26/03/2009 10:54

Ahh lol my sons LOVE Charlie and Lola, just being blonde and didn't get the reference! DUH!!! I don't have any daughters, but OHs rats are called Charlie and Lola!

BackToBasics · 26/03/2009 11:09

The last time i went on the bus was when i was pregnant with ds. I had dd with me, who was 18 months at the time and her buggy. I had taken her out the buggy to get on the bus and folded it up. The bus was packed, the bit where you can put your shopping was full with someones bags and there was a mobilty scooter thingy on the bus too. I thought that was a bit odd but you can hardly complain can you?

Anyway, i ended up having to carry dd and the buggy upstairs, whist pregnant and no one helped. There was no way i could have walked the journey home without suffering in pain later and standing at a bus stop for the next bus, with a chance that being packed too, with my dd running off and me needing to sit down, wouldn't have worked either!

Now i have a phil and teds pushchair for the baby and my dd, it's just not worth the effort having to dismantal the thing to get on the bus so i just walk. I enjoy walking anyway and after not being able to walk far when pregnant without being in pain, i can fully apprietiate why disabled people kick off on the bus. I am making the most of my new found, pain free, walks i am able to do and excercise is great for losing the baby wieght too

MumtoCharlieandLola · 28/03/2009 08:16

lol, no it was more about the fact that your name is almost the same as mine !

MummyCharli · 28/03/2009 13:32

So are your children really called Charlie and Lola or is is just a name?? My name is Charli

Gracie123 · 30/03/2009 02:03

We have a similar problem as we live in the middle of nowhere and there are only three buses in to town (a 40 minute drive away) one on a wednesday and two on a saturday.
If I get on the bus, there is only the wheel chair spot available to put the buggy in (even folded - we don't have the luxury of the large london style buses ). Part way to town (about twenty minutes in to my journey) there is a stop in a hamlet where a disabled guy sometimes wants to get on. He sees us and has to go home.
I feel bad, but if I get off the bus there are no other buses in to town and I can't get the return bus home until 5 hours later. So me and DS would be stuck in a hamlet with nowhere to go.
Is it unreasonable that I don't get off? Are the spaces really for disabled people only?

JodieO · 30/03/2009 02:24

I have 3 dcs and when the first 2 were little (20 month age gap) I used a double buggy but I wouldn't dream of posting a thread like this... My dad used an electric wheelchair and it would sicken me to see him or any other disabled person being treated in that way.

Noone knows what will happen in their lives.

Gracie123 · 30/03/2009 02:30

I don't think it's about treating someone badly, but if you are already on a journey and have paid the fare, do you have to get off for someone who is disabled?
It would suck to be disabled, and I am very grateful that I am able-bodied, but does that give me less right to ride a bus?
When you used a double buggy did you not use public transport? Or are you saying you just wouldn't talk about it?

sandcastles · 30/03/2009 03:55

What I don't get is all this 'baby is asleep' so I need to keep buggy up...why? Ok, so the baby will wake up. And? Is your babies need to sleep greater than a wheelchair users need to get to the shops/get to work/get to an appointment on time?

Remind me (and I have to stress that I am very anti waking a sleeping baby) will moving the baby scar it for life? Ok, so it may cry & be upset for a while, but is that life threatening?

My dh woke dd1 early as she needed a feed & he belived that food took precedence over sleep. But she got over it. Yes she was cranky until her next sleep, but nothing that was unbearable for her.

Here (Australia) the bus drivers must have the authority to evict any people who do not free up the wheel chair space. I was on a bus & a wheelchair user was due to get on at next stop. I have dd in buggy & there was a mum with a younger baby in a buggy. The driver alerted us before he reached the stop that we would have to move the buggies. When he had stopped, he got out of his seat & watched as we both moved, her less willingly than I. He said that she could either move, or get off & wait for the next bus. She moved!

Yes imo, it is wrong to feel smug about this. I hate to think what messages your children are getting from this. To feel smug that you 'trumped' a disabled person is very low! I hope you never have to live in her shoes.

SugarBird · 30/03/2009 09:01

The buses where we live clearly state that the wheelchair space can be used for buggies IF a wheelchair user doesn't need to use it. If a wheelchair user needs the space, buggies have to be folded. It's pretty straightforward.

Lightweight, foldable pushchairs are surely the only kind to use on a bus, as you can never be sure you'll be able to take them on with the baby/babies still in them.

At the risk of sounding like an old codger, when my kids were babies nobody ever wheeled a buggy onto the bus as there was no space (no wheelchair spaces either . Everyone had to fold them and carry the baby! We all became very proficient but would also stop to help anyone who was struggling.

A shame that you felt smug.

vezzie · 30/03/2009 12:18

Has the OP come back?

Yes, she IBVU. It is not just about the disabled person who might be seriously inconvenienced, but the effect on society as a whole that this nasty attitude has. Everyone who faces this sneering delight in "trumping" someone else is affected by it and over time people's attitudes change to legitimise selfishness and rudeness. this is bad for everyone. People should be ashamed to be seen to be "winning" an advantage over someone else, whatever the legalistic details of who "deserves" what.
Every time someone steps aside to offer something to someone else, we all benefit from a gentler and more considerate atmosphere. I have nothing against people with real need asking for help, but I do have a problem with this triumphalist gloating.

bosch · 30/03/2009 12:30

Not noticed anyone mention the op's comment that 'Today I refused to fold because the bus driver told her he had a letter refuting her claim to the pushchair space'.

It appears that op felt vindicated because the bus driver and bus company were backing her up.

But guess she's too frightened to come back now to explain (I know I would be).

Must admit, I always used to fret when on bus with silver cross that someone in a wheelchair would want to get on bus and I'd be turfed off. Never happened though.

Also, never heard of a 'pushchair space' on a bus - only wheelchair spaces that can be used if not needed by someone in a wheelchair...

AprilMeadow · 30/03/2009 12:44

I can see where the OP is coming from....

Perhaps the old woman is really a miserable old cow - old people arent always nice. Also you are assuming that there is something wrong with the old woman. Some old people have scooters, not wheelchairs, to get around and not necessarily because they have anything wrong with them.

Why should the OP have used her legs to walk...... you have no idea how far she was travelling..... Also why question why she is always on the same bus.... i doubt she is psychic or does it on purpose.

I have an IL that has MS and is wheelchair bound and i did have my eyes opened to what life is like when you are not able bodied.

I'm not saying i think it was 100% right but just cast your minds back to having small children and needing them to sleep for your sanity and peace and quiet. You can understand why she would be less than pleased at the thought of having to wake them up. Also if this woman is always rude to people and the bus drivers, would you really want to move, i would dig my heals in in protest.

Gracie123 · 30/03/2009 13:10

Vezzie you are such a hero. We need more people like you.

I wish I was more like you.

pingping · 30/03/2009 13:11

On a London bus the other day I saw two grown women fist fight over the push chair space GOSH how I hate the bus.

Vamonos · 30/03/2009 14:33

God threads like this make me so angry.

It is surely obvious that a large part of this problem is with the BUSES being inadequate for the needs of the people who travel on them.

I don?t think many people would dispute that wheelchair users and other disabled people should absolutely have priority over prams if there is limited space.

But would it really be so difficult to have much larger sections downstairs with flip down seats to make a more flexible travelling space for both wheelchairs and prams?

Why the hell should a parent be labelled selfish and unreasonable to NOT be keen to be thrown around a moving bus while trying to clutch on to one or more babies/toddlers? And fold a pram and deal with shopping bags as well while they are at it.

And the argument that ?I was able to juggle 3 children under 3 in the air while simultaneously folding the pram and balancing the shopping on my head? - as if that was somehow a desirable situation - is just ridiculous.

SugarBird · 30/03/2009 18:01

Vamonos - it's true that more flexible space on buses would make a big difference. It would also help to have more frequent buses at busy times. In London we have huge double-sized bendy buses that are a complete disaster as they're so dangerous for other road users but more of the normal-sized ones would benefit everyone. Guess it probably comes down to cost, as always...

Nobody wants to be thrown around on a moving bus - whether they're clutching babies or not - but it's interesting that people will push and shove for their 'right' to a space, regardless of what's going on around them.

Seems to me that vezzie is right and what we need is for everyone to be a bit more considerate.

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