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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that most working parents do not attend Assembly and the school Easter parade?

32 replies

AtheneNoctua · 24/03/2009 22:43

DD wants me to go. But, I really need to go to work. And I'm just wondering where I sit on the big bad mummy scale? I told her to go ask Daddy if was going. She did. He said "No. I have to work." and she accepted that. What? How come that doesn't work for me??? I suspect it's because the school has lots of SAHMs but not many SAHDs so she thinks it's womens work.

OP posts:

MillyR · 24/03/2009 22:46

I don't usually bother with that sort of stuff. My children do out of school activities, which have their watching days for parents, performances, shows etc at weekends, so I go to all of those. I rarely darken the doors of the school.

edam · 24/03/2009 22:48

If you have to work, you have to work.

Although I may have gone a bit OTT explaining to ds that I can't be up at school all the time. He made me a card that said 'thank you for working to buy me things'. I felt about six inches tall. Poor boy!

jambutty · 24/03/2009 22:49

We go to as much as we can - one if not the other - but we both have very flexible jobs. But I wouldn't have told her to go and ask daddy if he was going so he could say no too - work it out between you then tell her who, if anyone, can go.

Simplysally · 24/03/2009 22:52

I'm quite lucky in that I am go in later or leave work early for this sort of thing. But my Mum would always go if I couldn't and I could get a video of the production if necessary from a friend who makes me copies.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 24/03/2009 22:54

I go if I can and make up time elsewhere. I've worked to make sure I have a job where I can do that. I realise many people don't.

I wouldn't just send DS to talk to DH though, I'd let DS see us discussing the options before we say no, ie, we'd both like to go but can't. If we say no it usually includes "but we'll be able to do x"

DS is desperate for us to be there on every occasion and quite rightly so, I'd hate for him not to care.

Original poster

AtheneNoctua · 24/03/2009 22:55

I don't think I'll go. I have a new job and am on temp/prob until July. So, I'd rather not be asking for time off here there and everywhere. And she has a doc appointment the following week, which I will be taking time off for. I'm glad other people don't go. I do feel a bit bad, but I'm going to have to tell her I can't go.

OP posts:

BananaFruitBat · 24/03/2009 22:55

I work, and I go to all DS's school Assemblies/Performances. I just have to make the time up at work. DH doesn't go.

gomez · 24/03/2009 22:58

You have no place on the big bad Mummy scale - if you can, you can and if you can't, well you can't and it will make not on jot of a difference.

Can you remember who the feck attended anything at school? 'Cause I so can't.

BTW I had to spend 2 hours of my life sitting through a dodgy dance show tonight with 4 yr old & 2 yr old to watch 8 yr old. DH is 'travelling' so I may be slightly bitter

Also being a heather church makes me twitch slightly anyway so unless precious child was actually doing anything then no way. Although you do have some beliefs if I remember so perhaps you can't use that excuse.

gomez · 24/03/2009 22:59

Or I may be a heathen as opposed to a purple Scottish flower...

Karam · 24/03/2009 22:59

I teach, so if it is on a day I work, then I can't go. However I do try to make sure someone goes. It might be DH, or my mum or my dad - but usually it is someone. HTH

ingles2 · 24/03/2009 23:00

How old and what's she doing Athene?

ingles2 · 24/03/2009 23:01

if you have parents around, maybe they'd like to go?
I always send Pil's unless it's something interesting

Original poster

AtheneNoctua · 24/03/2009 23:02

DH is working at home on Friday and he is not going. I knew he wouldn't go. And that why I thought I could point her to him to make my point. But, obviously we are held to different standards.

OP posts:

ingles2 · 24/03/2009 23:02

and I used to send the AP

Babbity · 24/03/2009 23:03

DS1 starts school this year and I'm not looking forward to this. We both work FT, and neither of us are in professions where you can "make up time". So unless these special assemblies etc are on annual leave days or on my half day, DS will have noone (we have no family nearby). I hope he understands.

Original poster

AtheneNoctua · 24/03/2009 23:04

I think she is going to say a whole sentence or something. She is 6. I might as well get over it. I think I have made my mind up to not go. The nanny is going so there will be someone there although not really the same.

My parents live on another continent.

OP posts:

ingles2 · 24/03/2009 23:04

no, it doesn't surprise me. It wouldn't cross my dh's mind to go either and the boys don't expect him at anything during the week.

ingles2 · 24/03/2009 23:07

Doesn't matter Athene, there are many millions of assemblies, carol concerts, dance shows to come.
I used to make a really big deal of it if it was going to be the AP .....
along the lines of,... AP is coming to see you hold up a picture of an easter bunny this time, she's sooo excited, so make sure you look for her and give her a big wave

Original poster

AtheneNoctua · 24/03/2009 23:13

OP posts:

2rebecca · 24/03/2009 23:23

Assemblies at my kids' schools have always been a school only thing. Never heard of an easter parade.
I went to the occasional evening bingo tea, and sports day if I wasn't working at primary school. At sec school I just go to evening concerts etc if they're in them. There isn't parent day time stuff.

Simplysally · 25/03/2009 09:34

My old school used to do two plays - one in the daytime and one in the evening (at a sensible time like 7pm, not 3pm). My Mum used to go to the morning one and Dad did the evening shift . If Dad couldn't make it for some reason, she came back in the evening but then she didn't work outside of the home. Very few Mums in my area did then so I think my school was ahead of it's time in running the play twice for working parents.

CMOTdibbler · 25/03/2009 09:38

Once I left infants school (where my mum taught), neither of my parents ever went to a daytime school event (or grandparents etc). Didn't do me any harm at all, and I understood totally that my parents couldn't go to things in the day.

Actually, at the time dad worked for British Leyland who had fixed holidays, and their summer holiday wasn't even in school holiday time, so we didn't have holiday time with dad until I was 13

JustCallMeGoat · 25/03/2009 09:39

i don't get it. when i was at primary school we just just went, we didn't have assemblies and easter parades. load of nonsense if you ask me. my mother didn't work but neither was she forced to sit on a tiny chair for hours watching children lisp and fidget.

[gimmer]

Stayingsunnygirl · 25/03/2009 10:11

You are not a bad mother, Athena. Life is a balancing act for working parents and, with the best will in the world, you can't get to every school event. If you knew in time about something, would you be able to take a day/half day off - because then you could sit down with your dd and tell her that you are sorry you can't make it to this assembly, but you will definitely come to another one - and ask her which one she thinks she'd like you at.

Of course you are then at the mercy of the school correspondance, because you have to know in time to book time off - something which schools should understand, and should make them set these dates well in advance.

BonsoirAnna · 25/03/2009 10:15

DP and I try to do everything school related for DD together, although occasionally he just cannot make it due to work commitments. For the DSSs, he does everything and occasionally their mother does things and sometimes I do.

I don't think school stuff is "women's work" and DP certainly doesn't. But I think it is inevitable that if there are more than SAHMs than SAHDs, then availability of mothers for school stuff is going to be higher than availability of fathers, isn't it?

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