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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed my employer asked me whether I would come back to work...

40 replies

AliGrylls · 24/03/2009 19:36

Dear All,

I am sure it is against the Law to ask this question. The minute I fell pregnant my last employer asked me whether I would be coming back to work afterwards. I miscarried and subsequently moved jobs. I am now 30 weeks preggers and recently my new(ish) employer asked me if I would be coming back to work after my mat leave and if I was when will that be (she said she needed to know to arrange cover). Obviously I had to lie a little because I don't know how I will feel. She was very nice about it but I still felt a little irritated. What are your thoughts world?

OP posts:
JazzHands · 24/03/2009 19:37

AFAIK this is illegal. They have to assume that you are coming back and that you will take a full year unless you tell them otherwise.

Hopefully flowery or someone will be along soon to say whether that is right or not!

cat64 · 24/03/2009 19:38

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Peachy · 24/03/2009 19:38

There are procedures to follow, she should abide by them. if you have a HR deopt in a big comany maybe speak to them; if its a small company smnile, reassure her you will be back 'as soon as I am able' (was there ever a more open statement? ) and just do the proper thing with notice etc.

if you don't come backa nd gets anrked, tell her that 'things change'. they do, I was certain i would go abck after ds3, 6 years later and ummmmm no, not ready yet

JazzHands · 24/03/2009 19:39

It's a question of what's legal though cat, not opinions...

RumourOfAHurricane · 24/03/2009 19:40

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LackaDAISYcal · 24/03/2009 19:41

I thought it was more specific in that they shouldn't ask you when you are coming back but should assume that you will take your full 52 week entitlement unless you tell them otherwise and you only need give them 8 weeks notice of curtailing the full 52 weeks.

I was asked this as well and just said "when my maternity leave is over", however I can understand that if they are arranging cover then they need to have a ballpark idea, although they should consider the cover for the full time and if you do go back before it's up, they will have plenty of time for your replacement to be given appropriate notice.

Minxie1977 · 24/03/2009 19:41

I'm due to go on mat leave in September and AFAIK you have to give them a date for when you're going and an idea of how long you'll be off for but I'm not 100% sure - must check this out myself!

I don't really understand why you were irritated though.

SoupDragon · 24/03/2009 19:44

Why on earth would it be illegal for them to ask. If they hassled you about it and insisted you give them a firm answer then I can see that being illegal but just asking?

Peachy · 24/03/2009 19:44

The website you need is here (ACAS)- OP and Minxie

JazzHands · 24/03/2009 19:48

I think it's sort of the same reasons as it's illegal to ask in job interviews whether you're married - are you planning to start a family etc. As they can lead to discrimination.

I think that they have to assume that you will take the full entitlement and that you will come back unless you choose to tell them otherwise. Else it could lead to pressure on women to say they're not coming back which will make things easier for the employer.

Need flowery or someone in the know to confirm though i could easily be talking nonsense on this!

Minxie1977 · 24/03/2009 19:49

Thanks Peachy
F,rom that I read they have the right to know when we are due to come back - personally I would tell them anyway, because I would want to know if I was an employer

MrsJamin · 24/03/2009 19:52

your employer is not allowed to ask - my old employer was terrible at this, she just tried to trick me into saying whether I was coming back. Just say "you're not allowed to ask me that!"

Judy1234 · 24/03/2009 19:56

Just pity us - we bioth worked full time and over the years had not one but two nannies leave to have babies. Try dealing with child bonding and alternative care and getting a nanny to cover maternity leave.

or with my frist baby - I said I was taking two weeks away from work and using my annual leave. They didnt' believe I would be back but I was. He he he.

tessofthedurbervilles · 24/03/2009 19:57

There is no point in them asking as any answer you give can change at anytime ... my employer asked me but it was in a really sweet 'we'll miss you way' so didn't feel it appropriate to cause a fuss over the legalities of the matter.

cat64 · 24/03/2009 19:58

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usernamechanged345 · 24/03/2009 20:00

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sprogger · 24/03/2009 20:03

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EdwardBear · 24/03/2009 20:04

It's perfectly reasonable of them to ask you if you have made any decisions regarding when you are going back yet.
Also perfectly reasonable of you to answer that no, sorry, you have no idea how you will feel at the time and please assume for now you'll be taking the standard year off. If and when you know otherwise you'll let them know.
If they THEN pressure you for details/dates that is illegal, but an initial friendly conversation as to what your thoughts are is not illegal and not immoral either!

LackaDAISYcal · 24/03/2009 20:04

eight weeks sprogger.

Peachy · 24/03/2009 20:05

cat I see your point, i guess its because of the rogue employers out there who will try and mess abut a woman planning on taking a long break?

the other thing of course is you really don't always know if and when you will be back; I fully expected to with ds3 but things changed during mat leave (DH changed job), so the most anyone can ever give is 'I expect I ewill do X'. After all, who can say they will still definitely be doing anything much in a years time?

I ahd a friendly relationship with my last boss and told her the truth- that I expectd to come back. I'll put momney she still thinks I was lying.

cass66 · 24/03/2009 20:05

I agree with cat64, of course your employer needs to know and ask, your work needs to be covered whilst you are not there. I have just gone back after 8 months mat leave and would have considered it a bit odd if I hadn't been asked how long I was having off and when I was returning! Why is that unreasonable???

AnyFucker · 24/03/2009 20:06

all you have to do is give 3 weeks notice that you intend to return

they can politely ask if you have a feeling of how long you will be off but you are not beholden to anything at all that you say before you go on mat leave

LackaDAISYcal · 24/03/2009 20:09

It's eight weeks now AF if you are going back before the end of your AML. If you aren't going back at all, then you only need to give them the same notice period as your contract of employment.

They can't ask for reasons of discrimination as has been said before.

JazzHands · 24/03/2009 20:12

I don't think it's a quesiton of what's reasonable/uinreasonable, I think it's a question of what's legal.

I am pretty sure it's not legal to ask a woman how long she intends to take for her mat leave or whether she will be coming back. Or what sort of working pattern she expects that she will want to do, will she want to go part time etc. If you have a good relationship with your manager and they ask you infomally then that's one thing, but I think they're on shaky ground. When I was asked I answered honestly "I don't know". How can you know it you've never had a child before?

Minxie1977 · 24/03/2009 20:17

OP asked for thoughts about her being irritated not the legality though. Although I agree it is difficult to answer definitively, I think most people have an idea of what they hope to do. I intend to take a year of and go back part time, but any unknown future variables could of course change that!