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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Send This Back in the post?

36 replies

tessofthedurbervilles · 24/03/2009 09:28

Exp dp abandoned me when found out I was pg. We just tried to get on with each other for the sake of baby due in two months.....

OP posts:

Lindenlass · 24/03/2009 09:30

harleyd · 24/03/2009 09:33

[baffled]

LadyPinkofPinkerton · 24/03/2009 09:34

?????

Did you miss a bit

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 24/03/2009 09:34

Sorry...internet kicked me off....

He came back in for a bit and pretended to care and we are back to aquare one with his 'I never wanted the baby' lines and at 8 months pg I am so upset and fragile and need support (which he thinks he will try to give inbetween work and other commitments but only cos he has too)
Anyway told him I would get my support elsewhere and although upset I at least know where I am now.
He brought one t shirt for the baby (no other contributions) with 'daddies sweetheart' on
I want to post it back but is this harsh and cruel?

OP posts:

PurplePillow · 24/03/2009 09:35

How can we answer whether YABU or not if you don't tell us what you got in the post??

PurplePillow · 24/03/2009 09:37

Sorry x-post

I would send it back but is it worth the aggro? just chuck it in the bin or the back of the cupboard.

QuintessentialShadow · 24/03/2009 09:38

no, dont send it back. put it at the back at the wardrobe, and take it out when he comes to see the baby.

I can see why you want to get back at him, and how you would want to upset him, but do take the moral highground. Posting it back will not achieve anything good for you and your baby. It is just a t shirt. It is a start. If you post it back you have cut yourself off from asking for any contributions later.

You WANT him to give more support, you dont want to put him in a position where he feels he cannot give you anything.

mamas12 · 24/03/2009 09:40

He is being the cruel one tess. I hope you are getting the support you need. Do not rely on this man, he will not deliver. Sad for you but the sooner you realise it the better it will be for you health (mental and physical). The only thing I can think is that he is trying to think of your lo. Maybe you need to tell him what you expect re: baby contact inc. gifts monies and visits. All on your terms and what would be good for you would be good for baby. Good luck.

Surfermum · 24/03/2009 11:53

I agree with QS who has said everything I wanted to.

He hasn't done a runner when he found out about the baby, so it sounds like he is likely to want to be involved when it is born, albeit not with you in a relationship.

I'd try to keep things on an even a keel as possible and sending the top back will just be inflammatory. You will need things between you as amicable as possible so that you can sort out contact with as little hassle as you can.

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 24/03/2009 13:04

He did do a runner, and only got back in touch a few weeks ago which is why I am so hurt.
He is messing with my head as far as I can see which is why I am so angry. i was ok until he popped back in to things, made promises then popped out again.....

OP posts:

sarah76 · 24/03/2009 13:12

I don't blame you for wanting to send it back, I'd probably have done it already without even thinking of the consequences (which makes you smarter than me!).

However. . .maybe he sent it, not to mess with your head, but to signal that he is trying. I've read loads of similar stories where terrified partners/husbands come around after the baby is born and become fantastic dads. Like others have said, throw it in the back of the closet.

FelineOkay · 24/03/2009 13:13

No idea what is is but no don't keep it.

FelineOkay · 24/03/2009 13:14

Oh sorry read rest of post.

Hmmmm I would like to tell her where to go but for the baby, keep it.

he sounds like a miser. No idea what amiser is but he deffo sounds like one.

Emily23 · 24/03/2009 13:29

I would send it back due to poor grammar! No, seriously, I would send it back. It's the back that he's referring to himself as a 'daddy' when it doesn't seem like he's earnt that name.

Or, you could just swap it - do you know where he bought it from?

Emily23 · 24/03/2009 13:30

back fact

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 24/03/2009 13:32

Oh and the £50 a month he promised to put in my account, funnily enough, has not appeared. Its a blind cheek of his to only want to spend where everyone will see it....on the front of the child he begged me to not to have.

OP posts:

Surfermum · 24/03/2009 13:33

But the point is he has come back, it's not like you haven't seen him for dust.

Had you been together very long? Was it an unplanned pregnancy?

My dh adores his dd, but she was an unplanned pregnancy. He said that when his x announced she was pregnant (she had stopped taking the pill without telling him) he was stunned and scared. He had been thinking about ending their relationship anyway - and then a bombshell like that. He had had the choice about whether he became a dad or not taken away from him. It was a lot to get his head around.

Maybe your ex just needed a little time to sort his thoughts and feelings out, and fair enough?

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 24/03/2009 13:33

emily23 it was fron Mackays...£1.95.

OP posts:

FelineOkay · 24/03/2009 13:35

£1.95 from MacKays?????????????

Wow 2 out of 10 for effort.

Surfermum · 24/03/2009 13:53

Emily, the baby isn't born yet, he hasn't had the chance to show what sort of Dad he is going to be.

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 24/03/2009 14:11

He already has a child from prev relationship he dotes on but when I asked him about this one he points out that was a wanted child. It is hard not to be angry and I am trying to be calm but hormones are everywhere!

OP posts:

Nabster · 24/03/2009 14:13

It would be childish to return it imo.

FelineOkay · 24/03/2009 16:31

yes it would be childish to send it back, when you could be using it as a sick cloth?

RumourOfAHurricane · 24/03/2009 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StercusAccidit · 24/03/2009 16:38

I'd have wrapped a brick up in it and thrown it back at him

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