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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not meet up with mums i used to know from birth of little one?

43 replies

bumbly · 23/03/2009 15:20

they always tell me how perfect their babies are

eg they dont nap and are so clever

now how many toddlers at 20-24 months do not nap??

surely my little one is normal for napping

why did i never meet a mum with a baby bit more like mine?

think would have life lots easier than having mums telling me how inadequate mine is!

sorry end of rant

just thye alwyas arrnage to meet when 2-3 pm and my little one naps and they look at me so oddly and have always never been supportive of me

think will stop seeing them!

OP posts:
Original poster
bumbly · 23/03/2009 15:21

i cant go to meeting s and it looks like my little one is abnormal

that is what was trying to say

OP posts:
Divvy · 23/03/2009 15:22

They lie!

fillybuster · 23/03/2009 15:22

Don't worry about it....mine napped until 2.5 and only stopped because his pre-school nursery started his particular intake in the afternoons rather than mornings.

And don't let the rest of it wind you up - I find the more people talk about how perfect their babies are, the less they really enjoy them at home....

belgo · 23/03/2009 15:22

Maybe they are complaining about their children not napping? I know I did. I am always jealous of parents whose children nap lots, because mine never did.

Can your child not nap in the pram so that you can still go out?

CrushWithEyeliner · 23/03/2009 15:25

If you never really gelled with them then move on and find some friends you have more in common with. It's not all about the babies - you have to click with THEM

belgo · 23/03/2009 15:26

Are they really telling you how inadequate your baby is?

MadamDeathstare · 23/03/2009 15:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumama · 23/03/2009 15:29

i wonder how much of this is projection, i know from previous threads you have not always found parenting easy, and have had some worrying times with your LO, perhaps you are over analysing what they say?

take him out in the pram to meet with them if it is a time he sleeps, if you like them , if not, find new groups and places to go at times that are convenient to you

MadamDeathstare · 23/03/2009 15:31

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/03/2009 15:48

I didnt realise that napping was a sign of stupidity!!?

I'm sure they are just talking about their children.

AnguaVonUberwald · 23/03/2009 15:55

I hope my DS continues to nap - I do not see how it makes their children perfect because they don't nap?

One of my friends DD is likely to stop napping soon, as 1 - and my friend is dreading it!

tessofthedurbervilles · 23/03/2009 15:56

If they make you feel crappy don't meet them, we beat ourselves up enough as it is without seeking out people who will make us feel worse.
My friends all like me cos my life is so cack but I make them laugh and feel good about themselves!

AnguaVonUberwald · 23/03/2009 15:57

Sorry at 1

Surfermum · 23/03/2009 16:08

DD napped in the mornings. The rest of my group's napped in the afternoons. I'm quite sure they thought I was odd for opting out of the weekly meet when dd went to pre-school because I felt she still needed her morning nap before going there for the afternoon.

But I then realised that they thought I was odd because I took her camping, because I thought nothing of sticking her in the car and driving for more than 3 hours, let her roam around on the beach, took her swimming in winter. I think they thought I was holding dd back because I didn't take her to Tumbletots or the singing group.

Then it dawned on me that I really wasn't that fussed whether I met with them or not, in fact was relieved when I had an excuse not to. I realised I just wasn't like them and went and found another group who I gelled with. Was the best thing I ever did.

belgo · 23/03/2009 16:19

surfermum - why on earth would they think you are odd for taking her camping, swimling, to the beach etc?

this thread is very confusing.

lockets · 23/03/2009 16:39

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lockets · 23/03/2009 16:41

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Aeschylus · 23/03/2009 16:46

I am glad you posted this, I me and DW often joke about the same thing, our DS can be a horror, can be lovely, can be average, at 1 year old we expect no less, but we have friends who have the same aged baby, and all we hear how perfect it is, can talk walk etc etc.

if everyone has such perfect babies, why do we always read how hard it is!!

yet everytime we do round there, he does none of what they claim.

our DS naps in morning and afternoon, I hope this continues..

tell them to go get stuffed

muffle · 23/03/2009 16:47

Yes bollocks to them! When you have a baby, you hang out with who happens to be in your A-N class or whatever - it doesn't mean you have anything in common, other than the baby. You're desperate to get out so you meet them a lot in the early days - and then one day - IME at least - you think "F*uck this!"

I had one who - at a coffee morning in her spotless home - told me I loved my baby too much! Another who kept telling her newborn he was "naughty" for crying. I was so unsure of myself as a new mum, I doubted myself at first - but in retrospect they were ALL BONKERS. And I'm so glad I stopped bothering. It takes time but you do meet other mums you really hit it off with and who become truer friends.

MadamDeathstare · 23/03/2009 17:57

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MIAonline · 23/03/2009 18:17

I do think sometimes, you see what you want to see in friends. If you like them and they talk about their DC you think they are proud, if you don't then you see it as smugness. That said, the fact that you feel like this suggests that they are not the friends for you and you should move on, but it doesn't mean they are actually doing anything wrong.

Also some people do only see the positive and that is no bad thing, they perhaps are having a good time of it and I don't see why they shouldn't be able to talk about it just as I don't see why people should be able to moan. It's only if they are directly comparing DC in a negative way then its a problem but ime often it's our own insecurities as mums that make us see it in a negative light.

2rebecca · 23/03/2009 19:09

My kids had really long day naps until about 4 (and like most mums I think they are really clever!). It sounds as though you don't like them much though so stop going. I found nct etc boring once my kids were over 6 months old as I'm not into endlessly discussing small kids and wanted to have more adult discussions. i never went to any mother and toddler groups, finding them worse, I did work part time though, and I thin returning to work reminds you that most women aren't totally child obsessed.

StarlightMcKenzie · 23/03/2009 19:21

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MollieO · 23/03/2009 19:26

The only routine ds had was a set bedtime if we were at home. Other than that he had to fit around whatever activities we had planned in the day. Some of my baby friends had very fixed routines that could never be changed and probably thought I was a bit of a delinquent parent as a result. Ds is nearly 5 now and hugely flexible with sleeping, meal times etc and it is a complete joy. It means we can do anything and go anywhere without worrying about him being tired/hungry etc at set times. Even now you can set your watch by one of my friend's dc who gets completely cranky if his meals aren't within five minutes of their usual time.

Ronaldinhio · 23/03/2009 19:30

if you can't be arsed don't go

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