Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to not meet up with mums i used to know from birth of little one?

43 replies

bumbly · 23/03/2009 15:20

they always tell me how perfect their babies are

eg they dont nap and are so clever

now how many toddlers at 20-24 months do not nap??

surely my little one is normal for napping

why did i never meet a mum with a baby bit more like mine?

think would have life lots easier than having mums telling me how inadequate mine is!

sorry end of rant

just thye alwyas arrnage to meet when 2-3 pm and my little one naps and they look at me so oddly and have always never been supportive of me

think will stop seeing them!

OP posts:

MIAonline · 23/03/2009 19:34

But if that works for them MollieO....

crokky · 23/03/2009 19:48

If you don't get on with these mums, just done go anymore. If your toddler is almost 2, you've stuck it out for long enough to know that they aren't your type of people.

Anyway, my toddler did not nap at 20-24 months. It isn't normal. Normal toddlers do nap at this age. I wished my DS did and would freely admit that he was the abnormal one and it made me really tired. As well at that age, they are all at different stages and it isn't a measure of how "clever" they are/going to be and gloating about it is pretty silly.

Wait until you meet more likeminded people and don't waste your time doing something you don't enjoy. Unless your toddler likes the company of these other toddlers particularly.

flowerybeanbag · 23/03/2009 19:56

I can't imagine what is 'clever' about a child of 20 months who doesn't nap. My DS is 22mo and certainly very much still needs his nap.

moomaa · 23/03/2009 20:41

If someone has an older baby (20 months is in that catergory IMO) and says they don't want to do something because their kid is napping then I just think they don't want to do it that much. Otherwise they'd get them to nap earlier or later that day.

Don't go if you don't want to.

I don't reckon you'll find anyone with a baby like yours because they are all so different (although I would agree that most of this age need a sleep at some point in the day and thank god they do or we'd all go mad).

mum23monkeys · 23/03/2009 20:50

I've been through this today - a-natal group meet on a Monday, and the timings been getting later and later. my dd (2.2) still sleeps a good 2 hours at lunchtime (lucky me) so a 1pm meeting, when i then have to get my older dc from school at 3.30 is a real nuisance.

I came away today feeling that it wasn't really worth it. with 3 very noisy dc in the house, I really appreciate those napping hours at lunch. And no, I can't put her down in the morning, she just wouldn't sleep.

How important is the friendship?

Surfermum · 23/03/2009 20:53

I know belgo! Nothing odd at all. But I used to get all sorts of looks and questions. When I said we were going camping I got "but what are you going to do if it rains?". I laughed and said "get wet or go to the pub", and then got asked "but what about clothes getting dirty and wet" ... "ummm we'll find a launderette". I don't think I got what there was to be an issue over, any more than they got what the hell I was thinking of taking a 2 year old camping. Each to their own, eh?

pooka · 23/03/2009 20:55

My dd still had regular naps until she was 3 and a half at least. Missed naps twice a week for pre-school. But if home would sleep.

I do think though that when they get to about 2 it can be possible to still attend afternoon things - naps at home become less essential for everyone's sanity (or at least they did for us). I just made sure that 3 or 4 afternoons out of 7 she would sleep, just to keep her in what is in my opinion a useful habit.

DS dropped naps just before he was 2. But probably because dd was awake and he didn't want to miss out. Will stlll fall asleep in the car or in pram if we happen to be mobile at 2pm ish. Not the end of the world. Actually rather glad he has because when dc3 arrives, I will have time to spend with him when the baby naps in the afternoon and it won't be such a wrench as when dd stopped napping and ds was still really quite little and I suddenly felt shattered.

kitchendevil · 23/03/2009 20:57

I never liked many of my first round of mums. Met up with them last summer (ds now 8) just to make sure. Still don't like them. Silly me though, spent three years having coffee with them.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 23/03/2009 21:03

My DS still naps every day for 45 mins to 1 hour and he is 2.8. He would probably sleep on the way or way back from a trip out so can vary the nap time from 12.30 to 2ish.

As for the people you are meeting, if they make you feel rubbish don't keep seeing them. There were a couple of mums I knew when DS was a baby, they always made me feel totally rubbish. If I bump in to them now I feel instantly inadequate as a mother (their kids always were nicely behaved, ate well, didn't cry etc.). I cope with it by remembering they always make me feel like that and it doesn't necessarily mean I am doing a bad job.

Spend some time with people who make you laugh and feel great or grin and bear it if your LO has a good time! Best of luck.

sobloodystupid · 24/03/2009 08:57

my dd is nearly 3 and still naps most days, thank heavens! Drop these people, we are all insecure (aren't we?!) about our skills as parents and if you don't come away from meeting up feeling happy and buoyed up for all the trials of the week, then don't go. Easy for me to say (went to bfing group last month & enjoyed it but am now totally ffing so "can't" go now!)

troutpout · 24/03/2009 09:06

Blimey ...they sound a barrel of larfs
find some people you actually like

KHS · 24/03/2009 09:08

Don't go if it makes you feel bad in any way. You need mummy friends who are supportive and whose company you enjoy. Might be that you are just feeling down in general and projecting your own feelings of inadequacy onto them, i.e. interpreting everything they say negatively. In any case you need friends you can be honest with-there's no point sitting around pretending everything is hunky-dory if you just want to cry inside. Better to hang out in the park alone with your little one, with a paper and a coffee on the ready for when DC sleeps, and/or to seek out old friends who knew and loved you before you had children.

llareggub · 24/03/2009 09:24

DS is 2.5 and I am very much of the view that we both need his nap. He has threatened it a few times, and skipped it, and has been dead on his feet and as cranky as anything by 4pm. Naps are good.

I never used to be very rigid about naptime, but as DS gets older, it is getting more crucial for us to be home and napping by 12.30pm.

If you don't want to meet them, don't, but I very much suspect they aren't having a go at you.

Tummytuckrequired · 24/03/2009 09:33

All those women who state that their todders will sit for 4 hours at a miminum reading war & peace and were potty trained at 12 weeks and have never woken up in the night LIE!!! There is a certain type of woman who feels that her baby must be perfect and gloats when others do not follow the same pattern. Example! There was one extremely competitive Mum in our group who would excitedly tell you how her DD was always one chapter ahead of the "What To Expect In Baby's First Year!". It became so exasperating not to mention depressing that I was seriously starting to feel crap about my abilities. When I mentioned it to another NCT friend she also confided in me that she felt the same. So we decided to turn the tables! My friend and I decided to make up a story about how advanced our babies were to see how she would react. At the next coffee morning we casually dropped into conversation about how our 5 month olds were so physicaly mature that they were now walking unaided around the house (this was absolutely ridiculous as neither of our babies were even crawling at that time) She turned puce and spent the next hour interrogating us as to how we had managed it!!! The next time we met up (month later) she was freaking out about why her baby couldn't walk even though she had been trying to "train her"! LOL! We couldn't believe it. In the end my friend and I decided to no longer go to the NCT socials as we could not face it. We were accused of not taking parenting seriously! However I have been so laid back about whether they nap in the day or not / weaning/ potty training both my children have reached milestones at their own speed and there has not been any fuss or stress that a lot of these other mums have encountered. Ignore them and find some Mums similar to you who are honest and are happy to laugh at themselves!

Gateau · 24/03/2009 16:02

I wouldn't bother with them, TBH. They don't seem at all nice, or supportive, at all.
I only keep in touch with two antenatal mums now. The rest I had NOTHING in common with, bar babies/toddlers and I found the conversation really boring.
Since I went back to work three days a week I have only have time for a few people: those who DS gets on with and I have something to talk to about other than our tots!

JeanPoole · 24/03/2009 16:11

oh god some of the mothers you meet when you have your baby can be terrible.

can yours do this can yours do that etc

compare compare compare.

i think napping is great maybe they are

smugmumofboys · 24/03/2009 16:13

YANBU My ante-natal lot were a bunch of beeatches. Throwing their phone numbers away was the best thing I ever did.

Move on.

Original poster

bumbly · 24/03/2009 21:37

yes thanks loads

wont meet up/keep in touch anymore
made up my mind

they dont seem to lie as all they say i see and it seems true...but....

but they gloat and gloat rudely and put down my little on by saying "ahhh he will be fine..."

not happy and they are really not helping me

thanks and glad am notonly one

OP posts:

Flip

1 2