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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that too many people in this so called civilised society are bereft of compassion?

71 replies

spokette · 22/03/2009 20:13

Today,I did not see the news until 2pm when I tuned in to the BBC website and saw the first news item about Jade Goody.

I did not know the woman and I did not care for her or her ilk (ie slebs famous for doing nothing). However, I felt really sad for her passing and for the two children she has left behind. That is not mawkish rubbernecking, it is called compassion.

Some of the comments I read on the Have your say board on the BBC as well as on Mumsnet, have been discompassionate. Just because you do not know the person, it does not mean that you cannot empathise with them or feel sympathy for them.

I dispair at the human race sometimes.

OP posts:

bettany · 22/03/2009 21:05

I despair of some of the posts. Not just the blatantly vile offensive ones, also the regulars who pop up time and again to profess how "mawkish" or "distasteful" (yawn) they feel it to be whenever anyone on a parenting forum dares to express any feelings for sadness or empathy for another human being who is ill or has died. Wierdos.

Sorrento · 22/03/2009 21:07

"Since her 'media circus' the amount of woman having smear test has gone up (cant remember by how much). So she has done something pretty special, perhaps that is why so many public figure ie.PM are making statements?"

Has she done that or has Max Clifford, you see Karon Keeting could have done the same for Breast cancer and she left two young sons too, what did Tony Blair have to say about that .... er nothing.
For many people at the moment could do with a good cry and a bit of feeling sorry for themselves so Gordon has decided to direct their grief at Jade, which it a poor show IMO.

Original poster

spokette · 22/03/2009 21:09

Aitch, I think you are being deliberately obtuse.

This is what I posted originally:

"I did not know the woman and I did not care for her or her ilk (ie slebs famous for doing nothing). However, I felt really sad for her passing and for the two children she has left behind. That is not mawkish rubbernecking, it is called compassion.

My comments were in response to the horrible postings. That is what I was despairing about. Really don't understand why you have to twist my comments into something that they are not.

OP posts:

fishie · 22/03/2009 21:10

i think today has to be the day for bumping the posts aitch, or the point wouldn't be made.

we are being invited to discuss it by these threads. and i keep finding myself deleting posts for fear of being accused of callousness. that can't be right.

FairLadyRantALot · 22/03/2009 21:11

I don't think anyone is criticising for not grieving...I think people that are pure tasteless in their cooments are being criticised...that is a different issue, surely?

nancy75 · 22/03/2009 21:12

i have only just seen the news today, its sad for her family but other than that its not really going to affect me. tbh i can't really get my head round this whole grief fest that people seem to want/expect. there are people on the news outside her house sobbing, there are posters on here that have said they have been in tears over it all - i must be bereft of campassion too, because i find it all really odd.

AitchTwoOh · 22/03/2009 21:16

i may not be responding to what you intended your OP to be, true, but i promise i'm not trying to twist or be obtuse, you honestly have my word on that, spokette.

i suppose i'm reacting to your OP because i feel an implicit criticism of me because i'm not feeling any great emotion on the subject. yours is, it reads to me at any rate, an all or nothing post. probably the last line in particular, that you despair of the human race, just cos people don't feel the need to make comments of which you approve... well, it seemed too much of a threat to me... conform or i despair etc.

AitchTwoOh · 22/03/2009 21:17

and you did also post in AIBU... not known for the most contemplative of threads.

katiestar · 22/03/2009 22:24

Pity the PM and his predecesor didn't have as much compassion for all the orphans they have created in Iraq.

It is a tragedy for Goody's family, it doesn't affect the rest of us in the slightest.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2009 22:28

I'd also like to see GB making a statement about the three soldiers whose bodies arrived back home after their deaths in Afghanistan.

Quattrocento · 22/03/2009 22:29

Discompassionate

I like the word. Does it exist or did you invent it?

seeker · 22/03/2009 22:30

I had posts deleted on this subject earlier in the day.

I think that it is perfectly possible to feel huge compassion for her children and her mother, and be sad at the tragic waste of a young life, without descending into mawkish sentimentality and "rose tinted spectacle" observations about a very flawed human being. Or going along with the re-writing of her life story that seems to be de rigeur.

The Authorities obviously disagreed with me.

Quattrocento · 22/03/2009 22:32

Were the Authorities acting like Big Brother

2shoes · 22/03/2009 22:35

By expatinscotland on Sun 22-Mar-09 22:28:16
I'd also like to see GB making a statement about the three soldiers whose bodies arrived back home after their deaths in Afghanistan.

well said

expatinscotland · 22/03/2009 22:38

I'm not holding my breath, though, 2shoes .

But I do hope their families took some comfort in the quiet respect of the many people who lined the streets to pay their respect as the cortege passed by.

Those men were also young, and two left widows and young children.

flimflammum · 22/03/2009 22:40

I think we are affected by such a death, to a greater or lesser extent, depending partly on whether it has touched a nerve with us, perhaps because of some unresolved grief of our own, or perhaps because it reflects our own fears. Who has not wondered at some point who would look after our children if we died?

And the thing about a celebrity like Jade is that, although in truth we don't know her, we feel as if we do because we have heard a lot about her life and her story. I know more about Jade's childhood (though I don't read the tabloids or watch much TV) than I do about, for example, my neighbour who I see most days, and who also has two children. Human beings love stories, so we are drawn in by someone who tells us theirs.

Where it becomes 'distasteful' is where the boundary between real life and entertainment becomes blurred. We had radio 1 on in the car today, and they had a report about Jade from their 'entertainment' reporter. Since when is a death 'entertainment'?

And Gordon Brown commenting on it is just a transparent attempt to come across as in tune with the masses.

2shoes · 22/03/2009 22:43

expatinscotland I so aggree.
so sad that they don't get the same press and emotions

Twinklemegan · 22/03/2009 22:44

"It is a tragedy for Goody's family, it doesn't affect the rest of us in the slightest. "

That's true, it doesn't. But the fear of it happening to me and my family affects me a great deal. The publicity surrounding JG has made that fear more prominent in my mind for a while. So I'm affected by it, albeit selfishly for my own family.

chegirl · 22/03/2009 22:48

I feel sad for Jade's family. I hate fecking cancer and its taken another life far too soon.

I dont think the Bishop of wherever should have called her a saint. Thats what I heard when I woke up this morning (on the radio). Its such a stupid thing to say. Jade was not a saint and I doubt that even she would have thought she was. That sort of remark its stupid and ridiculous coming from a flippin Bishop.

I dont think its ok to make mean comments about her or her family but I also hate the idea of being bullied into grieving for someone I didnt know.

I went to a funeral last week of a young mum who left two boys behind. Her poor OH had a hell of a job hiding all the Jade stuff from her in the last weeks of her life. I had a email from a young girl I correspond with. She has also been deeply upset by all the coverage. She lost her mum last year.

But I know that many people have got comfort and inspiration from following her story.

My feelings on the whole thing are very mixed. I found the constant coverage very difficult. My daughter was dying this time 3 years ago and I found it all to much. Of course I felt awful for her and her family, knowing what it was like to go through it.

See - that was a ramble. Thats about all I can manage on the subject.

gibbberish · 22/03/2009 22:49

flim, that was a very good post.

frasersmummy · 22/03/2009 22:51

expat and 2shoes I am with you completly

These soldiers are out there fighting under the direction of the pm.... who feels more compelled to talk about Jade!! There is something well wrong with his priorities

Flimflam I think its a really sad reflection of our society that you know more about someone on the telly than you do about your neighbour.

I am not judging you for it.. I'm sure there are loads of people who could say the same thing

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